Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

[Blankenstein]

that's so great to hear @birdup.snaildown - it really is amazing the difference at work between being barely funcitoning and at the top of your game. its way less of a drag when you feel like you can do a good job rather than just get the required time in.

drank last night, but didn't get super drunk and feel OK today. find it much more difficult not to drink on the weekends so need to do some planning around how to address that.

Don’t beat yourself up about drinking. The fact that you managed to stop and not get super drunk can be seen as a victory? Sometimes stopping after a couple can be even harder than not drinking in the first place?

what’s your plan for not drinking this weekend? Got any activities lined up? Any sober friends you can do stuff with?

 

[Blankenstein]

I go back to work tomorrow after a week off. My week off I only drank once, but I realised I used opiates or benzos every night

I was meant to go away for 2 weeks, but it’s been sprung on me the day before i go it’s going to be for 4 weeks...

which obviously means more money and I’ll get a longer break when i get back so I’ll go on a surf trip somewhere. See how my mental health goes being stuck in the middle of nowhere for a month...

i also plan on not drinking at all this month, I got a bottle of disulfuram to take. And obviously can’t use drugs while away, however I already bought a few hydromorphone today for when I get back in a months time along with some Valium... so already setting my self up to use though I’m telling myself that’s going to be all i use for the 2 week break I will have, but we’ll see how that goes...

im planning on getting back into running while at work and working out so we will see how it goes

the people going away with me aren’t big drinkers and are into fitness so hopefully we can get into a routine of exercising in the evenings.

that’s about where I’m at...

keep putting in the work everybody and progressing!

 

[Jabberwocky]

I am feeling particularly strong and resilient this morning. I finally feel like I am ready to get back to my thesis and it even feels like my brain may have recovered enough to to do some quality work. It’s school holidays and I need to spend some time with my kid (which I love to do) but in a week I plan to be sitting down and churning out 8 hour work days tail ended with a bike ride in the morning and a swim in the evening.

I’ve stopped thinking about am I an addict and about abstinence. Instead, I’m accepting that I’ll be a lifelong drug user but the challenge is mainly a matter of prioritisation. For last 18 months or more I let drugs be the number 1 priority in my life. I pretended from time to time that my kids were, or my work was, or my dog was, but in reality I was doing the minimum amount of effort to keep all those things in a holding pattern with no one getting mad at me about my lack of engagement.

I’ve gone periods of 2, 4, and 10 years without drugs when other things were more important in life (or when I had emerged from rock bottom and was afraid of drugs). I’m not setting any goals but I’m planning on waking up every day and committing that day to being the most productive version of myself possible at least until my thesis is done. And maybe until I’ve met a nice woman or made a few real life friends.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Don’t beat yourself up about drinking. The fact that you managed to stop and not get super drunk can be seen as a victory? Sometimes stopping after a couple can be even harder than not drinking in the first place?

what’s your plan for not drinking this weekend? Got any activities lined up? Any sober friends you can do stuff with?

yes not getting super drunk is definitely a victory for me compared to last week. i will let myself drink one day this weekend, hopefully the saturday, but need a plan for the other day. on sundays i usually just sit around reading and playing video games for ages and the monotony and boredom inevitably lead to drinking.

i only really have one sober friend up here but she's muslim and ramadan is coming up so she may be busy with her muslim friends.

actually thats a lie one of my best friends of all time is close by but he has two young kids so arranging stuff is hard, but i really should!!

the people going away with me aren’t big drinkers and are into fitness so hopefully we can get into a routine of exercising in the evenings.

i really hope that you don't end up in a similar situation to last time. going with different peopl is a good start! in theory i think its fine to plan to use when you get back. it becomes problematic if you end up only using to the expense of everything else, a surf trip would be way way better for your wellbeing.

I am feeling particularly strong and resilient this morning.

glad to hear it! can you trace this back to a particular cause? might be useful in future when you are feeling less strong?

I’m not setting any goals but I’m planning on waking up every day and committing that day to being the most productive version of myself possible at least until my thesis is done.

i am very impressed if you can do this!! for my PhD i would have a month or two of working constantly, like trying to do maths in my head while i was at the pub, drinking til i was incapacitated just so i didn't feel bad about not working... then inevitable burnout and a month of 4 hours a day.

a cautionary tale that may be worth thinking about so you can plan ahead, from discussions with other PhDs my case is the norm. finishing my thesis put me into a sort of no mans land, my raison d'etre was gone and i was just in limbo waiting for my viva. i also got some unexpected money cos my supervisor got me some extra funding to help out with her project students (here funding ends when you submit your thesis, so you're expected to live off nothing or get a job straight away despite still having a viva and corrections to go). i had assumed my substance misuse would magically get better when the stressful as fuck thing that had dominated my life was out of the way. well, it got worse, blew all that extra funding on smack.

at least during that period i had SOMETHING to do, i.e. read through my thesis and prepare for my viva, plus help the project students. i finished my viva at the start of term, i.e. end of summer projects so bye bye students. i got minor corrections done in an hour. then nothing. blackness. i felt good for a couple of hours cos i was fucking DR UP, then empty.

sure, i had a job lined up so was starting an exciting new chapter of my life. but having a thing that you will go to every day until you die or retire isn't the same as having a massive thing you have to achieve that will push you to your intellectual and emotional limits and transform you from a hopeful and optimistic young scientist to a fucking pessimistic junkie (ok i think that last bit might just be me). its hard to explain. anyway, that was when i started using heroin almost every day, on a phd stipend i could only afford it once or twice a week. so, i in fact did the opposite of stopping using drugs.

i guess this is a long winded way of saying that you should plan for after your thesis submission and viva because though you imagine they will be celebratory times (and they certainly are) in fact you will lose the thing you've focused on so long. this is really uncomfortable, especially if you have been focusing on that to avoid looking at yourself, as i certainly was.

 

[Blankenstein]

yes not getting super drunk is definitely a victory for me compared to last week. i will let myself drink one day this weekend, hopefully the saturday, but need a plan for the other day. on sundays i usually just sit around reading and playing video games for ages and the monotony and boredom inevitably lead to drinking.

i only really have one sober friend up here but she's muslim and ramadan is coming up so she may be busy with her muslim friends.

actually thats a lie one of my best friends of all time is close by but he has two young kids so arranging stuff is hard, but i really should!!



i really hope that you don't end up in a similar situation to last time. going with different peopl is a good start! in theory i think its fine to plan to use when you get back. it becomes problematic if you end up only using to the expense of everything else, a surf trip would be way way better for your wellbeing.


glad to hear it! can you trace this back to a particular cause? might be useful in future when you are feeling less strong?

i am very impressed if you can do this!! for my PhD i would have a month or two of working constantly, like trying to do maths in my head while i was at the pub, drinking til i was incapacitated just so i didn't feel bad about not working... then inevitable burnout and a month of 4 hours a day.

a cautionary tale that may be worth thinking about so you can plan ahead, from discussions with other PhDs my case is the norm. finishing my thesis put me into a sort of no mans land, my raison d'etre was gone and i was just in limbo waiting for my viva. i also got some unexpected money cos my supervisor got me some extra funding to help out with her project students (here funding ends when you submit your thesis, so you're expected to live off nothing or get a job straight away despite still having a viva and corrections to go). i had assumed my substance misuse would magically get better when the stressful as fuck thing that had dominated my life was out of the way. well, it got worse, blew all that extra funding on smack.

at least during that period i had SOMETHING to do, i.e. read through my thesis and prepare for my viva, plus help the project students. i finished my viva at the start of term, i.e. end of summer projects so bye bye students. i got minor corrections done in an hour. then nothing. blackness. i felt good for a couple of hours cos i was fucking DR UP, then empty.

sure, i had a job lined up so was starting an exciting new chapter of my life. but having a thing that you will go to every day until you die or retire isn't the same as having a massive thing you have to achieve that will push you to your intellectual and emotional limits and transform you from a hopeful and optimistic young scientist to a fucking pessimistic junkie (ok i think that last bit might just be me). its hard to explain. anyway, that was when i started using heroin almost every day, on a phd stipend i could only afford it once or twice a week. so, i in fact did the opposite of stopping using drugs.

i guess this is a long winded way of saying that you should plan for after your thesis submission and viva because though you imagine they will be celebratory times (and they certainly are) in fact you will lose the thing you've focused on so long. this is really uncomfortable, especially if you have been focusing on that to avoid looking at yourself, as i certainly was.

Good stuff if you can stick to one day a week. I more often than not can do that. So that’s amazing if you can.

I actually already am drinking on my first night back at work, which really sucks. Though i didn’t buy a carton, just a six pack (plus an couple with dinner). I really don’t want to so am going to keep trying my hardest to stop from
Tomorrow.

so yeh already in a similar situation. Just have to keep trying... I was contemplating bringing benzos with me but i didn’t. Going to try start the Antabuse tomorrow.

and yeh already counting down the days to being able to use jurnista, oxy and vallies when I get home in 4 weeks.
Indont think my plan of not drinking while away is going to be that easy and the opiates I’ve realised have become more of a problem. I will have internet for first 2 weeks so will try to post in here a bit for myself and to try offer support to other people.

 

[Blankenstein]

yes not getting super drunk is definitely a victory for me compared to last week. i will let myself drink one day this weekend, hopefully the saturday, but need a plan for the other day. on sundays i usually just sit around reading and playing video games for ages and the monotony and boredom inevitably lead to drinking.

i only really have one sober friend up here but she's muslim and ramadan is coming up so she may be busy with her muslim friends.

actually thats a lie one of my best friends of all time is close by but he has two young kids so arranging stuff is hard, but i really should!!



i really hope that you don't end up in a similar situation to last time. going with different peopl is a good start! in theory i think its fine to plan to use when you get back. it becomes problematic if you end up only using to the expense of everything else, a surf trip would be way way better for your wellbeing.


glad to hear it! can you trace this back to a particular cause? might be useful in future when you are feeling less strong?

i am very impressed if you can do this!! for my PhD i would have a month or two of working constantly, like trying to do maths in my head while i was at the pub, drinking til i was incapacitated just so i didn't feel bad about not working... then inevitable burnout and a month of 4 hours a day.

a cautionary tale that may be worth thinking about so you can plan ahead, from discussions with other PhDs my case is the norm. finishing my thesis put me into a sort of no mans land, my raison d'etre was gone and i was just in limbo waiting for my viva. i also got some unexpected money cos my supervisor got me some extra funding to help out with her project students (here funding ends when you submit your thesis, so you're expected to live off nothing or get a job straight away despite still having a viva and corrections to go). i had assumed my substance misuse would magically get better when the stressful as fuck thing that had dominated my life was out of the way. well, it got worse, blew all that extra funding on smack.

at least during that period i had SOMETHING to do, i.e. read through my thesis and prepare for my viva, plus help the project students. i finished my viva at the start of term, i.e. end of summer projects so bye bye students. i got minor corrections done in an hour. then nothing. blackness. i felt good for a couple of hours cos i was fucking DR UP, then empty.

sure, i had a job lined up so was starting an exciting new chapter of my life. but having a thing that you will go to every day until you die or retire isn't the same as having a massive thing you have to achieve that will push you to your intellectual and emotional limits and transform you from a hopeful and optimistic young scientist to a fucking pessimistic junkie (ok i think that last bit might just be me). its hard to explain. anyway, that was when i started using heroin almost every day, on a phd stipend i could only afford it once or twice a week. so, i in fact did the opposite of stopping using drugs.

i guess this is a long winded way of saying that you should plan for after your thesis submission and viva because though you imagine they will be celebratory times (and they certainly are) in fact you will lose the thing you've focused on so long. this is really uncomfortable, especially if you have been focusing on that to avoid looking at yourself, as i certainly was.

You should definitely reach out to your good friend, even if you can’t meet up just to talk can be really beneficial.

also I have a few close friends with children and when i spend time with my friends and their children, my friends get a lot out of it, their kids love it and i also always have a great time as well.

 

[Jabberwocky]

You should definitely reach out to your good friend, even if you can’t meet up just to talk can be really beneficial.

also I have a few close friends with children and when i spend time with my friends and their children, my friends get a lot out of it, their kids love it and i also always have a great time as well.

argh i've somehow fucked up the quoting. never mind.

yep i will get in touch with my friend. i love his kids, they're twins and last time i saw them they were calling each other darling, my mate and his wife don't call each other that so they had no idea where they got it from but it was hilarious and cute. cos of lockdowns i've not seen them in over a year.

it was a big thing for me when i told him i'd been in rehab then he left me alone with one of them while going to change the other. made me realise that to people who know me, its not a big deal, i'm me not some evil junkie. turns out most of my friends from before i got on the dark could tell i had a drug problem for years and were relieved when i went to rehab.

so yeh already in a similar situation. Just have to keep trying... I was contemplating bringing benzos with me but i didn’t. Going to try start the Antabuse tomorrow.

if the antabuse helps then go for it! can you plan out stuff to do in the evenings so you have another option than drink? even if its just like taking a long walk or whatever, doesn't have to be something grand or thrilling.

that having your mind filled with drugs when you're not using is the worst. like they steal your life even when you're not using. have you ever tried meditation? i have found it really useful for making me more aware of my thoughts, and being able to control them a little better, so when you notice you're thinking about drugs you can change the subject or just try to switch focus to the present moment.

i have dental surgery today. was shitting myself yesterday, but the dentist gave me 2x10mg diazepam, one for the night before and one for an hour before, so am feeling a little more relaxed about it now. won't be able to eat solid food for a couple of days which will suck.

 

[Blankenstein]

argh i've somehow fucked up the quoting. never mind.

yep i will get in touch with my friend. i love his kids, they're twins and last time i saw them they were calling each other darling, my mate and his wife don't call each other that so they had no idea where they got it from but it was hilarious and cute. cos of lockdowns i've not seen them in over a year.

it was a big thing for me when i told him i'd been in rehab then he left me alone with one of them while going to change the other. made me realise that to people who know me, its not a big deal, i'm me not some evil junkie. turns out most of my friends from before i got on the dark could tell i had a drug problem for years and were relieved when i went to rehab.



if the antabuse helps then go for it! can you plan out stuff to do in the evenings so you have another option than drink? even if its just like taking a long walk or whatever, doesn't have to be something grand or thrilling.

that having your mind filled with drugs when you're not using is the worst. like they steal your life even when you're not using. have you ever tried meditation? i have found it really useful for making me more aware of my thoughts, and being able to control them a little better, so when you notice you're thinking about drugs you can change the subject or just try to switch focus to the present moment.

i have dental surgery today. was shitting myself yesterday, but the dentist gave me 2x10mg diazepam, one for the night before and one for an hour before, so am feeling a little more relaxed about it now. won't be able to eat solid food for a couple of days which will suck.

I can relate to you when you say your friend trusted you with their child after they knew you were using heroin and had been to rehab. The people that matter the most to me know about my struggles and want me to get better, same as yours.

I feel very lucky to have very close friends who I can talk to that will help me even though i don’t like to burden them with my problems,as everyone has their own issues and it’s up to me and to sort myself out.

Yeh hopefully I get back on the Antabuse over the next couple of days. I guess it’s hard being away for work in the desert for a month. Back where i live I can go surf, free dive or take my dog for a walk on the beach as a form of meditation. Out here it’s work in the fucking brutal heat Finnish work and hang out and do nothing or drink. I am going to try start running again, though I have a couple of recurring issues from too much running. See how I go...

I have a couple of books i brought with me to read as well.

I also know what you mean about even when not using you just think about drugs all the time. I said something about that to my psychologist and she was looked at me for a minute and was like “that must be brutal and exhausting”. She wasn’t wrong. Sometimes it’s easier to just give in and use, though it’s obviously not sustainable and I don’t want to live my life like that.

good luck with the surgery hopefully it all goes smoothly. Hope you’re staying off the booze as well...

 

[Jabberwocky]

I feel very lucky to have very close friends who I can talk to that will help me even though i don’t like to burden them with my problems,as everyone has their own issues and it’s up to me and to sort myself out.

it is difficult to work out when your putting too much on one person but i think as long as you try to read them and be aware of whether they have their own shit right now that means you should probably be there for them rather than the other way round, its great to have people you can be honest with about your struggles.

Yeh hopefully I get back on the Antabuse over the next couple of days. I guess it’s hard being away for work in the desert for a month. Back where i live I can go surf, free dive or take my dog for a walk on the beach as a form of meditation. Out here it’s work in the fucking brutal heat Finnish work and hang out and do nothing or drink. I am going to try start running again, though I have a couple of recurring issues from too much running. See how I go...

i love the desert!!! but not when it is too hot. i went hiking in the namib desert, just for a couple of hours, it was 45 degrees and nearly killed me. i just love being away from civilisation. i did a 6 day hike in jordan and saw no one but bedouin and other hikers, it was amazing. felt disappointed when i finally made it to petra (which is amazing) and was back in crowds of people. definitely read your books, i find it a great form of escapism.

did you take the antabuse?

I also know what you mean about even when not using you just think about drugs all the time. I said something about that to my psychologist and she was looked at me for a minute and was like “that must be brutal and exhausting”. She wasn’t wrong. Sometimes it’s easier to just give in and use, though it’s obviously not sustainable and I don’t want to live my life like that.

yes she is definitely right, its not a life i'd wish on anyone. there are ways you can get your thoughts back but they do take work

good luck with the surgery hopefully it all goes smoothly. Hope you’re staying off the booze as well...

surgery went way better than i expected!! they got both the really problematic teeth out super quick, the longest bit was all the injections for anaesthetic. am a bit sore and swollen today but not as bad as i thought.

 

[bongdong]

surgery went way better than i expected!! they got both the really problematic teeth out super quick, the longest bit was all the injections for anaesthetic. am a bit sore and swollen today but not as bad as i thought.

Niice!!Feels good when it's done, doesn't it? Have not the most carefree relationship with my fucking teeth either. Generally, but the physical neglect I 'practiced' plus drugs on top of it, when my life was in pieces, didn't exactly help this situation. And then other stuff too.. (wisdom teeth, damn amalgam fillings, etc.)

 

[Blankenstein]

it is difficult to work out when your putting too much on one person but i think as long as you try to read them and be aware of whether they have their own shit right now that means you should probably be there for them rather than the other way round, its great to have people you can be honest with about your struggles.



i love the desert!!! but not when it is too hot. i went hiking in the namib desert, just for a couple of hours, it was 45 degrees and nearly killed me. i just love being away from civilisation. i did a 6 day hike in jordan and saw no one but bedouin and other hikers, it was amazing. felt disappointed when i finally made it to petra (which is amazing) and was back in crowds of people. definitely read your books, i find it a great form of escapism.

did you take the antabuse?



yes she is definitely right, its not a life i'd wish on anyone. there are ways you can get your thoughts back but they do take work


surgery went way better than i expected!! they got both the really problematic teeth out super quick, the longest bit was all the injections for anaesthetic. am a bit sore and swollen today but not as bad as i thought.

I actually got a call from a close friend just before who is also an addict and trying to get his shit together. He is one person who I can always talk to about this stuff without feeling like I’m burdening him, and then ask him how he is going and we can bounce ideas and feelings off each other. So that was really nice.

yeh the desert is very cool and quite amazing but when you have to spend 12 hours working out there it can get a bit much... then go back to your accommodation and think about my family, dog, friends who I won’t see for 4 weeks I’m just learning (since this fly in fly out work is new to me) can actually take a bit of a toll mentally...

I too agree about being away from people. I love camping on the coast in remote parts of my state and surfing and diving to get fish and foraging for abalone, clams etc... and eating it for food. That’s the kind of stuff I froth on.

your trip into the namib desert sounds pretty epic. I’ve read abit about that area, sounds sick.

no I didn’t take the Antabuse...I came very close to taking it but my mind convinced me otherwise... I’ve had a few beers tonight. Tomorrow is a new day though and I feel like I’m closer every day. See how i go...

That’s fantastic about the surgery. Great to hear.

how have you been going with drinking/using? Sticking to the one day?

How are you travelling @Atelier3 still feeling strong?

 

[Blankenstein]

Sorry I don’t know how to do the quoting thing properly...

 

[Jabberwocky]

Niice!!Feels good when it's done, doesn't it? Have not the most carefree relationship with my fucking teeth either. Generally, but the physical neglect I 'practiced' plus drugs on top of it, when my life was in pieces, didn't exactly help this situation. And then other stuff too.. (wisdom teeth, damn amalgam fillings, etc.)

yes it does!! though i had a bit of a delayed reaction, ended up asleep most of yesterday. tbh i think it was more cos of the amount og anxiety i'd had beforehand.

I actually got a call from a close friend just before who is also an addict and trying to get his shit together. He is one person who I can always talk to about this stuff without feeling like I’m burdening him, and then ask him how he is going and we can bounce ideas and feelings off each other. So that was really nice.

oh sweet! that is really cool, its great to have friends like that where its more a 2 way street and you really understand each other.

yeh the desert is very cool and quite amazing but when you have to spend 12 hours working out there it can get a bit much... then go back to your accommodation and think about my family, dog, friends who I won’t see for 4 weeks I’m just learning (since this fly in fly out work is new to me) can actually take a bit of a toll mentally...

yeah i can imagine. 12 hours is a long shift, has to be knackering.

your trip into the namib desert sounds pretty epic. I’ve read abit about that area, sounds sick.

the namib is amazing!!! deadvlei is one of the most haunting places i've been to. really highly recommend.

how have you been going with drinking/using? Sticking to the one day?

not been drinking this week, it will increase the chance of bleeding in my mouth so that's ok. have been using opiates but now the surgery is over i will taper down slowly so hopefully not to cause myself too much pain.

what is your reluctance about taking the antabuse?

 

[Jabberwocky]

How are you travelling @Atelier3 still feeling strong?

No. To be honest. I’m feeling really sick and depressed and having all kinds of weird brain spasms and zaps together with light head ness and dizziness. Some kind of dopamine problem I think. From mixing and then unmixing meth and anti-psychotics. My brain can’t cope with it all. I just need to lie low until I reach some kind of equilibrium with the minimum amount of heavy meds. Maybe just valium for now.

 

[Blankenstein]

yes it does!! though i had a bit of a delayed reaction, ended up asleep most of yesterday. tbh i think it was more cos of the amount og anxiety i'd had beforehand.

oh sweet! that is really cool, its great to have friends like that where its more a 2 way street and you really understand each other.

yeah i can imagine. 12 hours is a long shift, has to be knackering.

the namib is amazing!!! deadvlei is one of the most haunting places i've been to. really highly recommend.


not been drinking this week, it will increase the chance of bleeding in my mouth so that's ok. have been using opiates but now the surgery is over i will taper down slowly so hopefully not to cause myself too much pain.

what is your reluctance about taking the antabuse?

That’s really good about the drinking, great stuff. I think you mentioned opiates used to be a problem for you? Is it a concern that using them now (even though prescribed) could be a bit of a trigger/opening of Pandora’s box?

my reluctance to taking my Antabuse? I guess it’s like anybody with an addiction to a substance? I mean I know I need to not drink (or use other substances), but sometimes doing what you know you need to do isn’t that easy when you have a dependence on something for whatever reason.

I spose it’s like why doesn’t every heroin addict use use suboxone or get a naltrexone implant or whatever. Because they aren’t ready. Sometimes I’m ready and I take the medication for months at a time and don’t drink. Other times I don’t need the medication and don’t drink.
At the moment I feel like alcohol/opiates/benzos have their hooks in me. If I wasn’t at work I’d be using opiates, I fucking hate alcohol.

tomorrow after work me and my work mate are hopefully going to go to the gym, so hopefully that will be a bit of a catalyst to get me to commit. I’m getting pretty tired of it again.

so yeh if I commit I’ll hopefully won’t drink for the next 3 weeks, but then there’s the issue of opiates/benzos when I get home... see how I go I guess. Hopefully I get the sobriety ball rolling and can keep it going.

 

[Blankenstein]

No. To be honest. I’m feeling really sick and depressed and having all kinds of weird brain spasms and zaps together with light head ness and dizziness. Some kind of dopamine problem I think. From mixing and then unmixing meth and anti-psychotics. My brain can’t cope with it all. I just need to lie low until I reach some kind of equilibrium with the minimum amount of heavy meds. Maybe just valium for now.

that sounds fucked man. I’ve experienced brain zaps and stuff before when I used to use lots of stimulants and also when stopping benzos. I don’t think to the extent you are but I can sympathise.

yeh all that doesn’t sound too great

I seem to recall you swim a bit for fitness and mental health reasons? Have you gotten back into the pool since your last binge ended?

how about diet? Eating healthy and all that?

hopefully you start feeling better soon, which I’m sure you will if you stay on the straight and narrow. Are you back on your medication? Do you talk to your doctor about your drug use?

take it easy mate.

 

[JessFR]

How are you travelling @Atelier3 still feeling strong?

:D I legit couldn't help but mentally read that with an Australian accent. (probably because I've been asked it in a lot of Australian NA meetings).

take it easy mate.

That too.

I love how even in text people still have dialects. :D

 

[Blankenstein]

:D I legit couldn't help but mentally read that with an Australian accent. (probably because I've been asked it in a lot of Australian NA meetings).



That too.

I love how even in text people still have dialects. :D

making fun of my e-accent/colloquialisms Jess?

strewth! You’ve got me madder than a bloody cut snake!

 

[Jabberwocky]

That’s really good about the drinking, great stuff. I think you mentioned opiates used to be a problem for you? Is it a concern that using them now (even though prescribed) could be a bit of a trigger/opening of Pandora’s box?

ha yeah i was a heroin addict for 6 years. yes my opiate use now is a concern. i started using OTC codeine products in stupid doses a couple of weeks ago literally just to shut my brain up a bit, the use now is justified cos of my surgery but the fact is i got a habit through my own apathy and now have to kick. since i started drinking again after my most recent relapse on crack and heroin i have started throwing codeine in the mix just for the hell of it even though i know cos my opiate receptors are still fucked that i'll have to do a rattle. its so dumb. another reason to stop drinking.

i am starting to cut down now that my surgery is done and if i can just be fucking sensible it should be relatively painless. cos codeine has a super short half life i was waking up ill and having to take some in the night, honestly nearly scored some dark just so i could have something that would hold me overnight.

my reluctance to taking my Antabuse? I guess it’s like anybody with an addiction to a substance? I mean I know I need to not drink (or use other substances), but sometimes doing what you know you need to do isn’t that easy when you have a dependence on something for whatever reason.

i get you completely. guess i'd been wondering if it was something specific like potential side effects or anything. but yeah its so easy to know what we want to do in theory but be completely unable to do it in practise.

i slept til like 1pm today. slept most of thursday too. think i was so stressed about this dental surgery that i had a lot of adrenaline so didn't realise how tired i was til it was over. feel a bit odd now in that way you do when you've slept like 13 hours. bit annoyed i've basically missed most of my saturday, hopefully will be better tomorrow, need to go on a long run as i've not been able to exercise cos it increases risk of my mouth bleeding.

 

[Blankenstein]

ha yeah i was a heroin addict for 6 years. yes my opiate use now is a concern. i started using OTC codeine products in stupid doses a couple of weeks ago literally just to shut my brain up a bit, the use now is justified cos of my surgery but the fact is i got a habit through my own apathy and now have to kick. since i started drinking again after my most recent relapse on crack and heroin i have started throwing codeine in the mix just for the hell of it even though i know cos my opiate receptors are still fucked that i'll have to do a rattle. its so dumb. another reason to stop drinking.

i am starting to cut down now that my surgery is done and if i can just be fucking sensible it should be relatively painless. cos codeine has a super short half life i was waking up ill and having to take some in the night, honestly nearly scored some dark just so i could have something that would hold me overnight.



i get you completely. guess i'd been wondering if it was something specific like potential side effects or anything. but yeah its so easy to know what we want to do in theory but be completely unable to do it in practise.

i slept til like 1pm today. slept most of thursday too. think i was so stressed about this dental surgery that i had a lot of adrenaline so didn't realise how tired i was til it was over. feel a bit odd now in that way you do when you've slept like 13 hours. bit annoyed i've basically missed most of my saturday, hopefully will be better tomorrow, need to go on a long run as i've not been able to exercise cos it increases risk of my mouth bleeding.

That’s great you’re feeling better and going to start exercising again.
Also probably a wise move to start cutting down since you know where it could potentially end up. Good stuff.

Oh yeh, I took the stupid Antabuse yesterday... hopefully stick with it a while. Still out at work for 3 more weeks. I drive to a place where I won’t be able to get any alcohol on Friday. Will be there for 2 weeks, so in theory if I make it there without drinking I’ll be locked in for nearly 3 weeks.