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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

RDP89

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 24, 2012
Messages
2,341
Location
Illinois, U.S.A.
Universe conspires to make addicts relapse!! Just kidding, though it does feel that way at times.

Regardless, I have 12 days after just a minor flirtation with DXM and cannabis after a 75 day clean run. Which was 3 days off my free world record(as opposed to jail/prison record which was 15 months off of everything(besides caffeine obviously lol)) of 78 days.

I also am coming up on 23 months of no alcohol which is huge for me. Have a psych appointment coming up and hopefully end up on decent meds as I definitely need it.
 

Zephyn

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
2,295
Well, I just broke 3 days of sobriety. I don't plan on being totally abstinence, ever, but am looking to avoid benzos, alcohol, amphetamines, crack and heroin. I've just been taking benzos and alcohol for a few months now, but had gone 3 days without any.
 

Zephyn

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
2,295
Universe conspires to make addicts relapse!! Just kidding, though it does feel that way at times.

Regardless, I have 12 days after just a minor flirtation with DXM and cannabis after a 75 day clean run. Which was 3 days off my free world record(as opposed to jail/prison record which was 15 months off of everything(besides caffeine obviously lol)) of 78 days.

I also am coming up on 23 months of no alcohol which is huge for me. Have a psych appointment coming up and hopefully end up on decent meds as I definitely need it.
This is true, I've had people come up to me and introduce themselves as drug dealers. I've been given free meth plenty of times. Another time when I used to do more opiates I had left the country for 6 months to clear my head, upon landing, without anyone knowing where I was or if I was coming back not 5 minutes after landing old dope dealer called
 

RDP89

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 24, 2012
Messages
2,341
Location
Illinois, U.S.A.
Well, I just broke 3 days of sobriety. I don't plan on being totally abstinence, ever, but am looking to avoid benzos, alcohol, amphetamines, crack and heroin. I've just been taking benzos and alcohol for a few months now, but had gone 3 days without any.
Try not to be too hard on yourself and just try again. I think it takes most of us many, many times and use of something we’re trying to avoid only has to be a minor setback.

The fact that you’re recognizing problem substances and setting goals regarding them is a big step in a good direction!! Best of luck to you!!
 

chinup

Moderator: H&R
Staff member
Joined
Aug 1, 2010
Messages
5,300
Location
Greatest city on Earth
well done to everyone getting any clean time whatsoever.

i have not consumed alcohol the past 2 nights and hoping not to tonight. i have been taking codeine every day though, i have a habit now. i get one even if i use the recommended dose for legit reasons for more than one day in a row, but my reasons this time weren't legit. i will kick it after my dental surgery next week, no point trying before then.

Universe conspires to make addicts relapse!! Just kidding, though it does feel that way at times.
it really does. every lapse i've had was totally the universes fault and not mine..... (sarcasm, but i completely identify with your sentiment there).

just over an hour left of 'work' this week..... really up and down mood wise, in very rapid cycles. think i'm emotionally exhausted from the past 2 weeks. hoping to feel better next week, have an interesting and socially useful task to do but my brain isn't up to it right now.
 

Pumpkin2021

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 25, 2021
Messages
646
Location
Michigan
well i did not drink last night but i was in a stinking mood. not particularly about not drinking. then couldn't get to sleep. gonna try a long run and then a nap.

happy saturday folks! i hope everyone has a great weekend, or at least not a totally shit one.
Thanks chinup. Right back 'atcha. Hope the run and the nap restore you so you can win the battle again tonight.
 

Zephyn

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
2,295
day 2 of starting drinking at 9am. I havent been doing this long enough to become dependent, but the cravings are getting more, need to stop. Going to push through this next week completely sober so as to prepare for my psychedelic experience next weekend, which will hopefully ameliorate the cravings like it used to do.
 

Zephyn

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
2,295
there was a moment yesterday I almost went out and scored some coke or heroin, but I know where that leads, and was able to fight it and the feeling passed in 10 minutes. first time ive come close to having that sort of craving in months
 

JessFR

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Oct 22, 2012
Messages
14,326
Location
just this side of the edge.
there was a moment yesterday I almost went out and scored some coke or heroin, but I know where that leads, and was able to fight it and the feeling passed in 10 minutes. first time ive come close to having that sort of craving in months

In my experience, what you describe is similar to what I do to try and manage cravings.

Essentially I tell myself "OK, before even considering acting on this craving, let's just wait a half an hour. Just a half an hour."

And the vast majority of the time the craving is significantly lessened or gone by then. I learned this when I quit smoking but it's not a terrible strategy for some other cravings. It doesn't always work but it helps a lot of the time.

Also congrats on resisting, whatever works for you keep it up. <3
 

Pumpkin2021

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 25, 2021
Messages
646
Location
Michigan
there was a moment yesterday I almost went out and scored some coke or heroin, but I know where that leads, and was able to fight it and the feeling passed in 10 minutes. first time ive come close to having that sort of craving in months
well done.
 

Pumpkin2021

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 25, 2021
Messages
646
Location
Michigan
In my experience, what you describe is similar to what I do to try and manage cravings.

Essentially I tell myself "OK, before even considering acting on this craving, let's just wait a half an hour. Just a half an hour."

And the vast majority of the time the craving is significantly lessened or gone by then. I learned this when I quit smoking but it's not a terrible strategy for some other cravings. It doesn't always work but it helps a lot of the time.

Also congrats on resisting, whatever works for you keep it up. <3
Spot on Jess. That's exactly how I keep from buying pills. I wait through the craving and know it will pass. It's the only way for me. When I am really really wanting a warm fuzzy opioid pill I smoke a joint and the craving passes as soon as I take 3 hits. I know it doesn't work for everyone and I am just thankful it works for me. Also helps that I deleted all my connects a year ago. Funny how those deleted people never call to just say Hi or have a coffee. Friends, my ass ! :cool:
 

chinup

Moderator: H&R
Staff member
Joined
Aug 1, 2010
Messages
5,300
Location
Greatest city on Earth
Thanks chinup. Right back 'atcha. Hope the run and the nap restore you so you can win the battle again tonight.
thank you. i did 15k!! but not planning on not drinking tonight, my boyf and i are going to try 1 night a week. i still would prefer complete abstinence but i think i will stick better with something he will do with me, unless i chuck him out (he doesn't technically live here or even pay any rent/bills lol) but him being here is what stopped me buying heroin recently so i can't.

also i kinda like him. without him here i'm outnumbered by fuzzy doofuses.

day 2 of starting drinking at 9am. I havent been doing this long enough to become dependent, but the cravings are getting more, need to stop. Going to push through this next week completely sober so as to prepare for my psychedelic experience next weekend, which will hopefully ameliorate the cravings like it used to do.
urgh i really hope you manage to call it quits. my experience of being addicted to a variety of drugs is that when you start doing it in the morning, that is when real addiction sets in, it gets so hard to stop so quickly. though i also think taking a drug at 9am is in itself a sign of addiction so i guess i'm a little confused on that issue. i guess i mean that's when it starts taking over your life.

poo i was just about to go out to the shop to start drinking and it is snowing hard ffs. it'll do me good to leave it another hour.
 

JessFR

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Oct 22, 2012
Messages
14,326
Location
just this side of the edge.
Spot on Jess. That's exactly how I keep from buying pills. I wait through the craving and know it will pass. It's the only way for me. When I am really really wanting a warm fuzzy opioid pill I smoke a joint and the craving passes as soon as I take 3 hits. I know it doesn't work for everyone and I am just thankful it works for me. Also helps that I deleted all my connects a year ago. Funny how those deleted people never call to just say Hi or have a coffee. Friends, my ass ! :cool:

It's amazing how effective a strategy is. Cravings usually don't last very long. Even if you just tell yourself to just give yourself 20 minutes, that IME can help with a lot of cravings.

The mild random cravings anyway. The dangerous ones are when something has gone wrong, where life has thrown you a curve ball. Those cravings are more intense and tend to last longer.
 

birdup.snaildown

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 5, 2020
Messages
1,943
Location
Somewhere
I had an amazing day at work today. I'm killing it at work because I'm sober and that makes everything easy because I've gotten used to being fucked up all the time and surfing that line of barely being able to function.

I did so well at work today that I didn't have to punish myself for relapsing. If I don't hate myself, I don't have to hate myself for using drugs. I worry if I work too hard, I will trigger a bigger relapse... although I suspect that is me justifying being lazy.

It's hard being a parent. You never know if you're doing enough.

How much do you work?
How important is money?

If you work your ass off, do you feel bad when you don't have the energy sometimes to be switched on?

I punished myself before becoming a father. I was a shameful addict, with a huge library of debauchery.... Now, every decision is infinitely harder. Every fuck up is monumental.

It brings me back to the old days, when I was a kid, and drugs were forbidden.

There is something to be said for the dangerousness of drugs. Part of the appeal is doing something that you shouldn't do. It distracts you into thinking you are free.

I'm going to roll another joint.
 

chinup

Moderator: H&R
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Joined
Aug 1, 2010
Messages
5,300
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Greatest city on Earth
that's so great to hear @birdup.snaildown - it really is amazing the difference at work between being barely funcitoning and at the top of your game. its way less of a drag when you feel like you can do a good job rather than just get the required time in.

drank last night, but didn't get super drunk and feel OK today. find it much more difficult not to drink on the weekends so need to do some planning around how to address that.
 

Blankenstein

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
65
I had an amazing day at work today. I'm killing it at work because I'm sober and that makes everything easy because I've gotten used to being fucked up all the time and surfing that line of barely being able to function.

I did so well at work today that I didn't have to punish myself for relapsing. If I don't hate myself, I don't have to hate myself for using drugs. I worry if I work too hard, I will trigger a bigger relapse... although I suspect that is me justifying being lazy.

It's hard being a parent. You never know if you're doing enough.

How much do you work?
How important is money?

If you work your ass off, do you feel bad when you don't have the energy sometimes to be switched on?

I punished myself before becoming a father. I was a shameful addict, with a huge library of debauchery.... Now, every decision is infinitely harder. Every fuck up is monumental.

It brings me back to the old days, when I was a kid, and drugs were forbidden.

There is something to be said for the dangerousness of drugs. Part of the appeal is doing something that you shouldn't do. It distracts you into thinking you are free.

I'm going to roll another joint.
Amazing work on not drinking! Keep the ball rolling!

Yeh it’s so good when you’ve been on a binge/Run drinking or using and when you stop and start doing things without a hangover it’s such a good feeling, it’s almost like a drug in itself.

Same as if i can beat cravings, which as Jess said sometimes they might only last for 20 minutes. Those 20 minutes can seem like a lifetime, but beating them can almost be like a drug/rush. How proud you feel for beating those cravings. And knowing you are reenforcing and creating new neural networks.

My psychologist has this laminated image of what neural pathways/networks look like and how everytime you don’t give into using you are creating new pathways. I swear she pulls it out and refers to it 3 times a session...
 
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