fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
a job that i was so certain i'd get that i was already considering it my 'backup' job rejected me, not based on my interview, but the amount of experience. FOR FUCKS SAKE THAT IS OBVIOUS ON MY CV WHY THE FUCK WASTE MY TIME AND GET MY HOPES UP WHEN YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE I DON'T HAVE WHAT YOU WANT?
feel hurt and angry and messed about. not what i need when i should be preparing for my marathon interviews for the job i actually want.
thanks rio for your kind words and encouragement. i have got over the shock a bit, and am now strangely calm. possibly cos i've half promised myself that if i don't get the job i'm interviewing for tomorrow i can go on a hard drugs binge. possibly cos i've reached some level of acceptance.
that technique about imagining yourself without all that stuff is definitely a good idea. and its pretty easy for addicts in recovery cos generally when we started out we had lost most of that stuff, so actually know you can make positive changes even without those.
you're right. i really hope i won't. i'm at my parents right now so relatively safe. i think i have just put so much effort into trying to get this one job (there really aren't many about but even if that weren't the case i'd have to) and got so close, its gonna be a huge disappointment. i've upped my recovery activities.
i think my marathon interviews went ok, hard to tell. trying not to get my hopes up too much.
21 days clean and I honestly feel like I will never use meth again. I’m not getting cocky but for the first time I have zero cravings and when I think about using I just feel a vague sense of disgust. This is what happened to me when I finally quit drinking years ago.
I can’t believe how much of my intellect and personality I seem to have recovered in such a short while. No doubt I am not yet back to pre-binge baseline which was 8 months ago, but I actually feel better than I ever remember feeling. Like I am really on top of my life. I have plans and I’m making things happen.
This is no doubt attributable not only to keeping myself super busy but also to weaning myself off anti-psychotics and basically just taking supplements and tiny baby doses of dex now.
well done everyone getting those first bits of clean tiem in, really big achievement.
i can feel a smack binge coming on. i've done everything i was supposed to and have nothing but emptiness to show for it.
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