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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2020 ⫷⫷

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No, I'm serious, stay calm and be confident. You can do this !! Really. Practice for an hour or so here and there. Calm, Confident, You're Awesome.
 
thank you! i just spoke to my boyf and he said exactly the same thing.

i hope you're having a good sunday.
 
@chinup you can only do your best! As long as you give it your all then even if you don't get it you can tell yourself that you gave it 100%, so obviously the job just wasn't right for you. I know this is easier said than done but try not to stress about too much! You're an intelligent & capable woman, try to remember that! What's the job??

@Hylight how are you doing today?
 
fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

a job that i was so certain i'd get that i was already considering it my 'backup' job rejected me, not based on my interview, but the amount of experience. FOR FUCKS SAKE THAT IS OBVIOUS ON MY CV WHY THE FUCK WASTE MY TIME AND GET MY HOPES UP WHEN YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE I DON'T HAVE WHAT YOU WANT?

feel hurt and angry and messed about. not what i need when i should be preparing for my marathon interviews for the job i actually want.
 
chinup said:
fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

a job that i was so certain i'd get that i was already considering it my 'backup' job rejected me, not based on my interview, but the amount of experience. FOR FUCKS SAKE THAT IS OBVIOUS ON MY CV WHY THE FUCK WASTE MY TIME AND GET MY HOPES UP WHEN YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE I DON'T HAVE WHAT YOU WANT?

feel hurt and angry and messed about. not what i need when i should be preparing for my marathon interviews for the job i actually want.
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I know it's frustrating, but on the flip side at least the reason was your experience?? If it was just a "you're just not who we were looking for" then you'd have to question your entire presentation, but an issue that (admittedly arbitrary) as black/white as amount of experience means that everything else you're doing must be working!! Please try not to get too discouraged. You're obviously a conscientious, intelligent & I imagine hard-working woman, and if they don't see that then they're the ones missing out!! This is also fresh in your mind, and I'm sure as you know us addicts are pretty sensitive to any kind of rejection. It will take some time, but you will bounce back from this. I know this is SO much easier said than done, but remember that you are not your job. A stoic technique is to imagine yourself without all the facets of your life - your family, friends, job, house etc - and recognize that ultimately you will still be okay. Even without all of what we usually rely on. No idea if that will help you in your situation but it's helped me reach some equanimity before in trying times.
 
thanks rio for your kind words and encouragement. i have got over the shock a bit, and am now strangely calm. possibly cos i've half promised myself that if i don't get the job i'm interviewing for tomorrow i can go on a hard drugs binge. possibly cos i've reached some level of acceptance.

that technique about imagining yourself without all that stuff is definitely a good idea. and its pretty easy for addicts in recovery cos generally when we started out we had lost most of that stuff, so actually know you can make positive changes even without those.
 
chinup said:
thanks rio for your kind words and encouragement. i have got over the shock a bit, and am now strangely calm. possibly cos i've half promised myself that if i don't get the job i'm interviewing for tomorrow i can go on a hard drugs binge. possibly cos i've reached some level of acceptance.

that technique about imagining yourself without all that stuff is definitely a good idea. and its pretty easy for addicts in recovery cos generally when we started out we had lost most of that stuff, so actually know you can make positive changes even without those.
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please don't give yourself permission to destroy your life because you don't get your dream job, chinup!!! Every time I find myself "bargaining" like that, the relapse may as well have already happened. Lean into the acceptance and lean hard away from letting yourself go on a drugs binge!! You're better than that!!
 
you're right. i really hope i won't. i'm at my parents right now so relatively safe. i think i have just put so much effort into trying to get this one job (there really aren't many about but even if that weren't the case i'd have to) and got so close, its gonna be a huge disappointment. i've upped my recovery activities.

i think my marathon interviews went ok, hard to tell. trying not to get my hopes up too much.
 
chinup said:
you're right. i really hope i won't. i'm at my parents right now so relatively safe. i think i have just put so much effort into trying to get this one job (there really aren't many about but even if that weren't the case i'd have to) and got so close, its gonna be a huge disappointment. i've upped my recovery activities.

i think my marathon interviews went ok, hard to tell. trying not to get my hopes up too much.
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You've given it your best. It's out your hands now!

30 days clean today. It's been a long, long time since I've gone this long, but I'm consciously reminding myself that in sobriety I'm still a baby so that I don't get complacent. Thirty days is nothing when put against 7 years of using!
 
This is the last day that I am laying around. Tomorrow I am going to get up and do things with my life. But today I just took a xanax and want to just try to accept life without it.
I was able to get out allot over the summer and go to the lake. So I feel very blessed for that at least.
I just wish that I had more energy but I don't. The only thing that seems to help is redbull. Coffee doesn't even help. If I lay around I will probably end up with diabetes. Or I can get up and be productive.
 
21 days clean and I honestly feel like I will never use meth again. I’m not getting cocky but for the first time I have zero cravings and when I think about using I just feel a vague sense of disgust. This is what happened to me when I finally quit drinking years ago.

I can’t believe how much of my intellect and personality I seem to have recovered in such a short while. No doubt I am not yet back to pre-binge baseline which was 8 months ago, but I actually feel better than I ever remember feeling. Like I am really on top of my life. I have plans and I’m making things happen.

This is no doubt attributable not only to keeping myself super busy but also to weaning myself off anti-psychotics and basically just taking supplements and tiny baby doses of dex now.
 
well done everyone getting those first bits of clean tiem in, really big achievement.

i can feel a smack binge coming on. i've done everything i was supposed to and have nothing but emptiness to show for it.
 
thanks @The Wizard of the Creek

i've been looking for a new job since february. my boss is an abusive cunt who reminds me of all the men who gave me ptsd so i have to leave. i put my heart and soul into getting a job at a household name company that would have made my career, got through their tech test, 5 interviews, did well in all of them, found out yesterday i didn't get the job cos there was another applicant with more direct experience.

last night i bit the bullet and just threw my CV online, which in the past has generated a lot of leads. not a single phone call. i have a couple more leads but it seems pointless to try. in less than 2 months i'll be unemployed and i've lost hope that i can find another job in that time.

if i am going to have to earn my living on my back then i will do it smacked out of my face so i don't care.

for some reason the prospect of losing my job now is much scarier than when i lost my job cos i had an out of control crack habit. at that time it was a releif so i could focus on more lucrative avenues.

i've done everything, absolutely everything, to work on my recovery for two fucking years. really traumatic psychological work. i was promised it was worth it. i've told everyone on here its worth it. well, it fucking isn't.
 
Atelier3 said:
21 days clean and I honestly feel like I will never use meth again. I’m not getting cocky but for the first time I have zero cravings and when I think about using I just feel a vague sense of disgust. This is what happened to me when I finally quit drinking years ago.

I can’t believe how much of my intellect and personality I seem to have recovered in such a short while. No doubt I am not yet back to pre-binge baseline which was 8 months ago, but I actually feel better than I ever remember feeling. Like I am really on top of my life. I have plans and I’m making things happen.

This is no doubt attributable not only to keeping myself super busy but also to weaning myself off anti-psychotics and basically just taking supplements and tiny baby doses of dex now.
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Congratulations Atelier! I find it helpful to remember the days where you feel like this if you have any little downturns or days dominated by cravings. It can be really helpful to remind ourselves that when we're feeling good the idea of using drugs seems crazy and like an obviously awful idea so that if our mental state changes we can remind ourselves that our thinking is clearly distorted. Three weeks is fantastic man, keep up the good work!

chinup said:
well done everyone getting those first bits of clean tiem in, really big achievement.

i can feel a smack binge coming on. i've done everything i was supposed to and have nothing but emptiness to show for it.
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Chinup, you aren't thinking clearly right now. I am so sorry that you didn't get you dream job, but look at what you're saying. If you can't have your dream job then you might as well go back to selling your body for crack?? Come on!! There will be other job opportunities. Right now you are maximizing, which is natural since you really wanted this job & it's going to feel like the end of the world since you didn't get it, but it isn't. You're also irrationally projecting into the future that you will never get a job in the field. I know you've had a couple of knockbacks, so maybe it's time to objectively evaluate your CV, interview performance, experience etc and try to brainstorm what you can do to grab the next opportunity that comes along. Look how different your life is to when you were a prostitute only looking for her next fix. To compare the temporary setback of not getting the job you had your heart set on to the day in day out hopeless nightmare of active addiction is crazy!!

You're not going to be thinking clearly for a little while since you need to let your emotions settle after this disappointment. Please reach out to someone you know in real life and just take care of yourself for a couple of days. Don't throw everything away because of this!! Us addicts don't deal well with disappointment but the addict in our brains fucking LOVE opportunities like this since all of a sudden drugs seem so alluring again. BUT YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT CHINUP. Please just take a little time to get some perspective. I promise you in seven days you won't be feeling exactly this way and will be glad you toughed it out, and if you don't then it's on me and I'll buy your smack for you!! Deal!?!?
 
sorry for the v late reply guys. i'm feeling a bit better but still apathetic and just wanting to get fucked up.

lol i'll take the free smack though @Rio Fantastic am pretty sure i'll still want it in a week. don't wanna risk your recovery though.
 
Unexpectedly smoked a teeny-tiny point of meth the night before last when it was offered by a lady I was about to bang. Given I didn't really enjoy it, instantly regretted it, got tina dick, and it was so far removed from IV'ing a gram a day I'm not too worried. I still see myself as in recovery and still feel very strong and committed to my meth sobriety. I'm not into counting days and just see it as a blip if anything - nothing to feel depressed or shameful about. Although I do feel a little bit flat today from the normal consequences of using meth. However, am doing lots of exercise today and going off to help a good friend move furniture with my truck which is really lifting my spirits.
 
ha @Atelier3 , i would chalk up anything that puts you off doing meth again as a good thing. this is also why i don't count days, days clean is not the same as amount of recovery.

though i've recently gained more sympathy for the complete abstinence route cos allowing myself the odd drink has started to progress to wanting to never be sober.
 
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