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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2020 ⫷⫷

yubacity

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Feb 13, 2018
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1,093
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u.k
yeah exactly. and yeah seeing people who use is never going to work.

my new job starts mid november, current one finishes next week, wahey!!

6 days of withdrawal is fucking awful, i could never taper either though. is it like benzo withdrawal?
I have never had a benzo wd but people say it's similar its pure mental hell not worse than heroin but more mental for me I never thought of suicide on wd from gear but have on pregab wd. But for me after 6 days the wd just goes away and no paws I get from brown. I touched down at Heathrow while waiting for fucking baggage I turned my UK mobile on and sorted the pregabs out in the states apart from weed nothing else. I know I have to be back and forth for my business but I treat the UK as a drug getaway now. And to be honest i love this place my mates everything about it but our families in california and my wife and kids love their life there .


You have a little break between jobs that must feel good mate. You doing good things looking up for you makes me happy I know you and me-only chat on here but I get happy when people like us sort our lives out and go in the right direction life is hard being normal but its real-life the ups and downs all part of it we use to keep life a constant up and forget all the downs that come with it. Pretty soon you wont hear from m,e for a week I be getting of these but been through it many times but still shitting it just got to get the balls to start the wd
 

chinup

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i'm jealous that you get to live in california over winter. i lived in santa barbara when i was 6, some fucked up stuff happened to me there so i wouldn't want to live there but wouldn't mind the weather. i guess if you really can contain your drug use to when you're in the UK, its OK in a way, but losing 6 days to horrible withdrawals every time is not great, and at some point you run the risk of just fucking off doing the cluck and getting a full time habit.

yep i'm looking forward to my break between jobs. though annoying it will still be lockdown.

i had a weird ass drug dream last night. i've been prescribed one tablet of valium to make me actually go to a wisdom tooth removal appointment, i've been putting it off for years cos i wanted to save up to get it under sedation but now its got to the point that it'll cause me constant pain soon. anyway i took the valium and was so fucked that i didn't even remember the tooth removal, wish it would be like that irl but doubt it.
 

Cosmic Charlie

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Oct 24, 2007
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tHe ætHeR
Spent the past hour searching for the best price on a hundred syringes, planning on relapsing soon. Gonna hope back on the RC Opioid train and forget about this life for awhile. Really crushed about my ex and this will surely help me move forward. Gonna have to set a few things up but I'd like some pure Etazene to inject, this will help me feel better. From the sounds of it that one is relatively "safe".
 

chinup

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wish i had some encouraging words for you @Cosmic Charlie but tbh i can't blame you.

the insanity that is always waiting when i spend too long alone has just hit me and i'm fucking tears cos of the heroin not working when i relapsed. i haven't seen another human being since Sunday which isn't that long, especially given i fucking hate people. just out of nowhere this fucking hopelessness.
 

Hylight

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
8,386
I am addicted to potato chips.All kinds of potato chips. I can't stop. salt and vinegar and plain are unstoppable. They are usually around everywhere.

I even found some plain lightly salted one time. Now they're gone. But salt is okay when it's done in moderation. I guess that's what lightly is.

What's even worse is the sugar. It's boostered into junk food in concentrated forms of sucrose and high fructose corn syrup. It's a serving full of instant addiction and continues until the sickness sets in for obesity risks.

Leaves you rejoicing and looking forward to more, though. There are red ones and green. Orange and lemon fruit flavored. Oh yeah. Bring it, and don't forget the suuuuuuug arrrr sugar !!

WILEY
WALLABY
soft & chewy
classic
GOURMET LICORICE

For Authentic Licorice
Lovers Everywhere!​

Licorice is supposed to be good for you, right !
I wonder how many grams of sugar it has in it. I will calculate it. When I get up.

It says three pieces are a serving. They are so terrifically tasty to satisfy cravings that they may inadvertently become lodged in the throat.

It says thirteen grams of sugar in a serving.
You can't even get that much sugar in three maeals a day.
sugar
water
cane syrup
dextrose
rice syrup
high fructose corn syrup
and corn syrup
modified food starch (corn) not too bad i guess
palm oil
oh i found some licorice extract
glycerine
red 40
yellow 5
blue 1

i might be safe. i will see if the hard candy lemon drops are better. bourbon and white chocolate swirl. double chocolate cake some pop tarts (strawberry) and maybe a diet coke. Yeah.

And any kind of candy bar you can imagine and the limited edition hazel nut snickers bar. It can be added to coffee cereal and oatmeal and made into cookies. Pie without sugar is necessary however, with or without a sugar shortage.

Oh. . . it's time to look for more.
 

yubacity

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Joined
Feb 13, 2018
Messages
1,093
Location
u.k
i'm jealous that you get to live in california over winter. i lived in santa barbara when i was 6, some fucked up stuff happened to me there so i wouldn't want to live there but wouldn't mind the weather. i guess if you really can contain your drug use to when you're in the UK, its OK in a way, but losing 6 days to horrible withdrawals every time is not great, and at some point you run the risk of just fucking off doing the cluck and getting a full time habit.

yep i'm looking forward to my break between jobs. though annoying it will still be lockdown.

i had a weird ass drug dream last night. i've been prescribed one tablet of valium to make me actually go to a wisdom tooth removal appointment, i've been putting it off for years cos i wanted to save up to get it under sedation but now its got to the point that it'll cause me constant pain soon. anyway i took the valium and was so fucked that i didn't even remember the tooth removal, wish it would be like that irl but doubt it.
Chin up mate when i came back we were still in heat was 31when i came back from that to winter in 10 hour flight . We are in Northern California it does get cold but only a few months . If i tell you the truth chinup i find normal life good but a little boring i spent neaarly 30 years on something i can manage it with weed so so . But i like the getting fucked and drug sex i need a release . I have had a few blasts since i been back i justy take a lot of pregabs for the comedown cant beat a blast and some brown for later and during . I do dream im smoking gear and miss it but fuck that .

I have no tolerance for valiums but i have quite a few of them for this pregab withdrawl if it control the anxiety and knocks me out i will sleep through this wd. Do you ;like benzos chinup
 
Last edited:

chinup

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i totally get what you mean about normal life being a bit boring @yubacity i didn't find it like that until lockdown hit and then suddenly substances had a much greater allure. tbh am a bit jealous if by a few blasts you mean a couple of pipes. crack is the only drug that gave me remotely what i wanted when i lapsed recently.

i do like benzos but not as much since i discovered opiates in a big way. tbh i'm on clonazepam right now. i had a major mood wobble earlier and was in risk of scoring if i didn't do anything. temaz is my fave by far but haven't been able to get that in years.

feeling a bit better but am a bit fucked.
 

yubacity

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Joined
Feb 13, 2018
Messages
1,093
Location
u.k
i totally get what you mean about normal life being a bit boring @yubacity i didn't find it like that until lockdown hit and then suddenly substances had a much greater allure. tbh am a bit jealous if by a few blasts you mean a couple of pipes. crack is the only drug that gave me remotely what i wanted when i lapsed recently.

i do like benzos but not as much since i discovered opiates in a big way. tbh i'm on clonazepam right now. i had a major mood wobble earlier and was in risk of scoring if i didn't do anything. temaz is my fave by far but haven't been able to get that in years.

feeling a bit better but am a bit fucked.
I have had a temazepam a few years ago i know this old addict been on brown for years he loves them. Heroin for me was the best it was so good the same with crack I can still remember my first blast 29 years ago but i need a lot and my wife got our account on online fucking banking she will know if I take a lot out it brown or crack. So i take it out of the company but sahe sorts our taxes out she got it sussed . Taxes are once a year she does paperwork i just be an angel around that time lessen the blow.
 

yubacity

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 13, 2018
Messages
1,093
Location
u.k
I am addicted to potato chips.All kinds of potato chips. I can't stop. salt and vinegar and plain are unstoppable. They are usually around everywhere.

I even found some plain lightly salted one time. Now they're gone. But salt is okay when it's done in moderation. I guess that's what lightly is.

What's even worse is the sugar. It's boostered into junk food in concentrated forms of sucrose and high fructose corn syrup. It's a serving full of instant addiction and continues until the sickness sets in for obesity risks.

Leaves you rejoicing and looking forward to more, though. There are red ones and green. Orange and lemon fruit flavored. Oh yeah. Bring it, and don't forget the suuuuuuug arrrr sugar !!

WILEY
WALLABY
soft & chewy
classic
GOURMET LICORICE

For Authentic Licorice
Lovers Everywhere!​

Licorice is supposed to be good for you, right !
I wonder how many grams of sugar it has in it. I will calculate it. When I get up.

It says three pieces are a serving. They are so terrifically tasty to satisfy cravings that they may inadvertently become lodged in the throat.

It says thirteen grams of sugar in a serving.
You can't even get that much sugar in three maeals a day.
sugar
water
cane syrup
dextrose
rice syrup
high fructose corn syrup
and corn syrup
modified food starch (corn) not too bad i guess
palm oil
oh i found some licorice extract
glycerine
red 40
yellow 5
blue 1

i might be safe. i will see if the hard candy lemon drops are better. bourbon and white chocolate swirl. double chocolate cake some pop tarts (strawberry) and maybe a diet coke. Yeah.

And any kind of candy bar you can imagine and the limited edition hazel nut snickers bar. It can be added to coffee cereal and oatmeal and made into cookies. Pie without sugar is necessary however, with or without a sugar shortage.

Oh. . . it's time to look for more.
Bruv I eat a shit load of crisps golden wonder salt and vinegar walkers pickled onion pickled onion monster munch . Funny thing was when i was on the brown i did not eat them because i thought anything sour took away the buzz and the buzz came first.

Licorice is fucking disgusting mate dont fuck about with that just eat well-balanced meals but train a bit of cardio weights and bag work. Go running not on a tread mill but a park bonus in the summer you can check out the fit women sunbathing. Try eating turmeric we Punjabis have it in all our Currys it a natural anti-inflammatory. In the morning boil some water in hot water put crushed garlic and lemon juice from a lemon do it for a month you will notice a difference. My wife is white even her family does it I taught them they say they feel better. Eat good but let yourself have a cheat dat once a week.
 

yubacity

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Joined
Feb 13, 2018
Messages
1,093
Location
u.k
Spent the past hour searching for the best price on a hundred syringes, planning on relapsing soon. Gonna hope back on the RC Opioid train and forget about this life for awhile. Really crushed about my ex and this will surely help me move forward. Gonna have to set a few things up but I'd like some pure Etazene to inject, this will help me feel better. From the sounds of it that one is relatively "safe".
My brother no type of gear is going to move you forward plus it just cover your hurt at one time you will have to deal with it. Dont let any women or man push you down . They will just move on and you be back in a hole of addiction.
 

Hylight

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
8,386
I am back on an opioid again.

There couldn't possibly be any kindling after I quit again.

But there is !!

It's still allot better than that high fructose corn syrup junk. By far.

But we all have to stop sometime. Okay @Cosmic !!

edit: Alright 👍🏽 !!
 
Last edited:

Hylight

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Jan 4, 2019
Messages
8,386


 

chinup

Moderator: H&R
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@yubacity temazepam is by far my favourite benzo. but for reasons i don't quite understand very difficult to get. you are lucky your wife is so forgiving. honestly i don't think i'd tolerate it. i can barely tolerate myself knowing how much i've spent, especially given how fucked my financial situation is now.

@Hylight unfortunately the kindling effect lasts for years. i still have it and i've been 2 years in recovery. i hope you feel better soon.

had a better day today, saw my mum who is not my favourite person but it was the first human being i'd seen in a week and we did have a nice time.
 

yubacity

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Joined
Feb 13, 2018
Messages
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Location
u.k
@yubacity temazepam is by far my favourite benzo. but for reasons i don't quite understand very difficult to get. you are lucky your wife is so forgiving. honestly i don't think i'd tolerate it. i can barely tolerate myself knowing how much i've spent, especially given how fucked my financial situation is now.

@Hylight unfortunately the kindling effect lasts for years. i still have it and i've been 2 years in recovery. i hope you feel better soon.

had a better day today, saw my mum who is not my favourite person but it was the first human being i'd seen in a week and we did have a nice time.
Chin up my wife an angel she not know i cheating again last time she caught me was 14 years ago.We are real close we have fun together i trying at the moment i banned porn not getting escorts . I stop counting my finacial loss i worked HGV for 13 years all that money went on gear plus coke i took from buisness if had heavy month all gone thats a fucking house
 

chinup

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yeah you have to stop counting, its too much. i'm just finding it a bit hard now cos when i was getting myself in a bad financial situation i didn't anticipate surviving to have to rebuild, but i did survive and am now experiencing the consequences.

it sounds at least like your wife and kids haven't had to go without from your habits.
 

yubacity

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Feb 13, 2018
Messages
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Location
u.k
yeah you have to stop counting, its too much. i'm just finding it a bit hard now cos when i was getting myself in a bad financial situation i didn't anticipate surviving to have to rebuild, but i did survive and am now experiencing the consequences.

it sounds at least like your wife and kids haven't had to go without from your habits.
My family never suffered finacially i work hard no matter how much i was tweaking i was driving truck in states made good money . When i came UK i had to work hard and pay tax so my wife could get leave to remain . Then my cousin had idea for business knew i had money and one night while on coke we made deal from 60 grand gamble then had to tell wife im risking it all for a idea she was not happy . Best gamble from that im secure so money not the problem . Even before the money came from business the home life been secure. I did not have to continue driving HGV but loved driving always have . I fell in love with truck when went to states all our family my mum side own them and my dad did too
 

chinup

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i am very glad that your family haven't suffered, some of the stuff i heard in NA about the conditions peoples children ended up in is heartbreaking. well done on your business too. i dunno how you done all that while using, just on the gear i could work fine but on crack i was extreme, even for a crackhead, and could do nothing else.
 

yubacity

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Feb 13, 2018
Messages
1,093
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u.k
i am very glad that your family haven't suffered, some of the stuff i heard in NA about the conditions peoples children ended up in is heartbreaking. well done on your business too. i dunno how you done all that while using, just on the gear i could work fine but on crack i was extreme, even for a crackhead, and could do nothing else.
Mate the gear stabalised me kept me home none of the shit that goes with a coke habbit. I promised my wife she will never look at other wives with envy i kept that i was shit scared of crack because it such a shit show . Even with no money worries i kept crack to once a week even then i would have a few blasts then just stop and stick to brown coke is a devil for me i can go for days . I quit gear for my wife give her a normal life but here we are i gone a couple of weeks on a pregab mission but i will go through the wd thats what has to be done . Me my two brothers we all functioning addicts we have worked since we remember the old man had us up by 7 even on weekends work in his truck yard clean company trucks. I can drive a truck since 14 thats when moving loads about in yard start for us . We would drive on roads at 15 the old man take one of us out in turns during summer vacation hand us druck say you going to LA wake him up at Fresno . When we legally got our truck licence we been illegally dropping of loads for a year or more . I thank him for the work ethic

Mate crack just a cunt of a drug even i went easy on it for me 90s methamphetamine heard it shit now and crack the top
 

yubacity

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Plus gear calmed my sex drive to a point when i would go ages before i would knock one out . I would have intimate relations with wife out of duty mostly i would have to think real hard to finish but wife liked our sex thats why we got four kids . No that wrong i never really wanted it but a feel of her breasts and her butt she got a banging butt would wake up my sex drive.
 
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