- Jan 4, 2019
^^ thank you. that is very nice. i am about half way there. ♡.
Well said, my friend.The dawn brings bleary eyes, an emptied bank account, a modest sense of shame and futility but most importantly a new resolution not to squander the second half of 2020 like I did the first. Time to get my serious professional life back and put the vicious cycle of mania-fuelled drug benders and drug-fuelled mania to rest. I need a recovery plan.
I relapsed on alcohol a few days ago........ feel so dirty
Is this my whole fucking life? am I going to be high or drunk for the rest of my life? The thought of sobriety scares the fuck out of me. The thought of being high or drunk for the rest of my life also scares me.
My stomach and arms itch with red rashes because my liver is failing. But hey.... better to just get drunk and forget about it right?
Got some benzos on the way again. Is that even sobriety? No... just replacing one with the other....
I can blame my alcohol addiction on heroin. Replaced one with another.
Funny I used to just be fine smoking weed. Was happy just being a stoner. Now I can't smoke weed without alcohol or a downer.
Thinking about going to rehab again... but what's the point. Spent over a year of my fucking life in inpatients and shit... I LEARNED ALL THE LESSONS THEY CAN TEACH."
I CANT FUCKING AFFORD THAT SHIT. REHAB IN THE US IS A FOR-PROFIT BUSINESS.$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ NO INSURANCE
THE ONLY LESSONS LEFT TO LEARN ARE DEATH AND JAIL.
THOUGHT I ALREADY KNEW THEM.
nothing cool about driving around drunk literally 10 hours a day. I'm asking for jail. and jail for me means multiple years at this point.... I'm such a fucking RETARD
life is a fucking circle we keep repeating over and over and over
if I randomly stop posting one day you already know what happened to me....... not even joking being real here.... I'm literally driving drunk in car with a broken tail light and other damage. SMART!
Funny part is I used to hate alcohol. always thought it was a shitty fucking drug.... and it is a shitty fucking drug... watching my father die and I'm following right behind him. Making him proud.
sorry drunken rant.... talk to myself sometimes
I have no problem with AA. I like it in fact. I listen to AA speeches while I drive around drunk............................ silly right?How do you feel about AA? I would never use it long term and I don't buy the whole program but from rock bottom doing 90 meetings in 90 days was a real circuit breaker for me. That daily commitment really helped me stop drinking for long enough to get cleaned up and straight-headed. Cheaper than rehab.