Catch-22
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2001
- Messages
- 4,518
"Suicide Tuesday" used to be a regular function of the week for friends of mine and I. Naturally, a rigorous Saturday night in the Garden of Eden with our young minds, energetic bodies, and clean, potent pills comes to an end in the real world. There were times when many of us found the after-depression of MDMA too much to bear, and steered clear of her warm embrace for weeks at a time. Perhaps these holes of dejection were a by product of wounded neurons, vitamin deficiency, or our own subjectivity to the principle of "what goes up, must come down."
As of late, I have come to believe the latter of the three. Human consciousness appears to be greatly influenced by even the slightest of subliminal messages. As I sit here listening to the latest in euro-goth EBM, I can feel myself reaching that empathetic state with depression, that pit of nothingness that wearies the soul. Even after nearly a yearlong abstinence of walks with our friend MDXX, I could still feel her touch, empathizing my mind to every emotion, to every sound, to every person encountered. As my teenage years come to an end, I begin to realize how over dramatized these experiences were, and began to continually wonder whether the emotional downsides to ecstasy use were as subjective and one-sided as the states of consciousness experienced in it's elated bliss.
By no means do I find it difficult to remain stable, and by no means do I find it difficult to find happiness in the simplicities of life. I do, however, find it much easier to find ways into those little dark spaces of loneliness. With the constant progression of my age, and my increasing awareness of my true place within this world, I wonder whether we humans have a complete and utter control over our emotions. I wonder if these depressed states we are told we must enter by all forms of media, due to our indulgence in the forbidden fruit, are exactly what cause themselves.
I personally am one of the few that refuse the notion of submitting to the psycho-pharmaceutical revolution to find a constant state of happiness. I find that I can manage my depressive states with proper diet, exercise, vitamins, and a strong will; a strong will that does not allow the rules of this world to force the mind into the downward spiral. I prefer a vitamin B complex and a glass of orange juice to an Effexor prescription any day. True happiness cannot be purchased in pill form. When pop up ads displaying free delivery of mood stabilizing drugs appear on my computer screen on a daily basis, I am forced to question the motives behind their supposed healing powers. Personally, I am not one to advocate the use of drugs to treat the effects of other drugs, or rather, to stabilize ones neurochemistry.
With the rising desire for experimentation with MDMA these days, I foresee a rise in manic-depressive cases and anxiety disorders for the future. This is not to say that use of ecstasy will cause these "disorders" in everyone, rather, its misuse. I attempt to create awareness for the long term after effects of excessive use, and just how extreme the effects can vary person to person. Before one jumps into a year or more of heavy honeymooning with lady M, one must be wary that these days, manic depression also comes in pill form.
All these dreaded side effects are to be easily avoided with one simple word: responsibility. With responsibility come moderation and knowledge. Moderation of use will greatly reduce the strain on ones emotional flux. Most up to date sources will recommend no more than a single dose (80-120mg) at once over a 5-month period, and personally this sounds like a wonderful rule to adhere to. With knowledge we are able to eliminate dangers that arise with unfamiliarity of body, mind, chemical, and source. There is nothing wrong with an experience with MDMA. All people reserve the right to undergo such a physical and emotional awakening. Not all people are able to handle this frame of mind on a regular basis. With plenty of the essential vitamins, healthy lifestyles, educated decisions, and strong spirits, I believe states of depression are entirely avoidable.
Perhaps these words do not apply to everyone who would choose to receive them. Perhaps these words only apply to those of us who ride the roller coaster that is a bipolar disorder. Regardless, the advice is present, and its only purpose is to reduce the harm of caused by our modernized world, where nearly anything can be purchased in pill form.
As of late, I have come to believe the latter of the three. Human consciousness appears to be greatly influenced by even the slightest of subliminal messages. As I sit here listening to the latest in euro-goth EBM, I can feel myself reaching that empathetic state with depression, that pit of nothingness that wearies the soul. Even after nearly a yearlong abstinence of walks with our friend MDXX, I could still feel her touch, empathizing my mind to every emotion, to every sound, to every person encountered. As my teenage years come to an end, I begin to realize how over dramatized these experiences were, and began to continually wonder whether the emotional downsides to ecstasy use were as subjective and one-sided as the states of consciousness experienced in it's elated bliss.
By no means do I find it difficult to remain stable, and by no means do I find it difficult to find happiness in the simplicities of life. I do, however, find it much easier to find ways into those little dark spaces of loneliness. With the constant progression of my age, and my increasing awareness of my true place within this world, I wonder whether we humans have a complete and utter control over our emotions. I wonder if these depressed states we are told we must enter by all forms of media, due to our indulgence in the forbidden fruit, are exactly what cause themselves.
I personally am one of the few that refuse the notion of submitting to the psycho-pharmaceutical revolution to find a constant state of happiness. I find that I can manage my depressive states with proper diet, exercise, vitamins, and a strong will; a strong will that does not allow the rules of this world to force the mind into the downward spiral. I prefer a vitamin B complex and a glass of orange juice to an Effexor prescription any day. True happiness cannot be purchased in pill form. When pop up ads displaying free delivery of mood stabilizing drugs appear on my computer screen on a daily basis, I am forced to question the motives behind their supposed healing powers. Personally, I am not one to advocate the use of drugs to treat the effects of other drugs, or rather, to stabilize ones neurochemistry.
With the rising desire for experimentation with MDMA these days, I foresee a rise in manic-depressive cases and anxiety disorders for the future. This is not to say that use of ecstasy will cause these "disorders" in everyone, rather, its misuse. I attempt to create awareness for the long term after effects of excessive use, and just how extreme the effects can vary person to person. Before one jumps into a year or more of heavy honeymooning with lady M, one must be wary that these days, manic depression also comes in pill form.
All these dreaded side effects are to be easily avoided with one simple word: responsibility. With responsibility come moderation and knowledge. Moderation of use will greatly reduce the strain on ones emotional flux. Most up to date sources will recommend no more than a single dose (80-120mg) at once over a 5-month period, and personally this sounds like a wonderful rule to adhere to. With knowledge we are able to eliminate dangers that arise with unfamiliarity of body, mind, chemical, and source. There is nothing wrong with an experience with MDMA. All people reserve the right to undergo such a physical and emotional awakening. Not all people are able to handle this frame of mind on a regular basis. With plenty of the essential vitamins, healthy lifestyles, educated decisions, and strong spirits, I believe states of depression are entirely avoidable.
Perhaps these words do not apply to everyone who would choose to receive them. Perhaps these words only apply to those of us who ride the roller coaster that is a bipolar disorder. Regardless, the advice is present, and its only purpose is to reduce the harm of caused by our modernized world, where nearly anything can be purchased in pill form.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
