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Would 8mg klonopin and half a bottle of vodka be enough to kill me

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Cudi

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 25, 2015
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I?m on about 4mg of klon right now and pretty much just don?t wanna live anymore so my question is if 8mg klon and 375mL of 70 proof vodka would be enough to cause respiratory failure in my sleep. This isn?t a what should I do thread, this is a yes or no question. Thank you, and may your life/mental health be better than mine
 
Cudi-

What's going on with you? Can you at least share a little backstory with me?

Killing yourself isn't the answer. I know that sounds cliche. But it's true.
 
Where'd you go? Cudi, I'm here for you. Tell me more about this situation.
 
Hey Cudi, first of all, most of the time when people try to kill themselves like this, they survive with, at best, a lot of hospital bills to deal with, and at worst, hospital bills and permanent damage that only makes things worse. I know it feels hopeless, man, but it isn't. I'm familiar with your posting over the years here, and it seems like you've been to high and low points. This is just a low point, you won't always feel this way and in time you'll be glad you didn't end it. Additionally, you're on quite a bit of clonazepam right now which is significantly lowering your inhibitions. You're not thinking straight, so at least wait til you come down and can come at it from a clear head. People do all sorts of shit they regret on benzos, it's one of the reasons they're so dangerous. Making important life decisions on them is never a good idea.

Can you talk to us? What is bothering you? Why do you feel like you don't want to live anymore? Perhaps it will help to get it off your chest. We're here to listen.

Anyway we don't allow threads asking how to kill yourself. However I don't want to close this as an open line of communication is important. So please get back to us.
 
Hang in there Cudi. If you feel like there's no one there you can talk to, talk to us. Chances are someone here on BL has gone through some of the same things you're going through now.
 
National Suicide Prevention Hotline:

1-800-273-8255

NA HOTLINE:

1-844-624-3575
 
Yeah, Cudi! Suicide is a very permanent solution to an often temporary problem.

As said above, you're on a lot of clonazepam, this is clouding your judgement whether you think so or not, it is.

I'm currently going through some serious serious shit that makes me want to just end it. My fiance that I was about to marry this weekend died last month, and I've got the wedding day to get through.

Don't wanna bum you out more, but I'm just trying to illustrate there's lots of people out there who are going through horrible things, and we can try and comfort eachother.

I know I'm just some internet stranger, but please PM me if you want, I'm sure there are people who care for you, and it's not fair on them to take your own life.

There may not feel like a way out right now, and I truly feel your pain, but by Christ, let's try! We only get one life, might as well see it out till the end.
 
Oh god axe battler, I'm so sorry... that's awful. I can't imagine. We're here if you need to talk. ♥♥
 
It won’t be enough. 100% you’ll live.

Please seek the help given in this thread. I get suicidal a lot. A LOT. Want to talk about why you don’t want to live anymore?

No judgments here.
 
I apologize for not coming back to this thread sooner, most of the time I'm just apathetic and don't care about anything, including anyone who may have replied and tried to help me. It sounds fucked up i know, but i can't help that feeling of not caring. It's a combo of lack of trust, lack of care, lack of hope, and almost a derealization state. I'd been really anxious and depressed for months, getting worse as it's already been there for years. So i got bored and decided to get back on benzos so i could at least relax for just one second of my life and not have my thoughts destroy me. Stupid? absolutely. I already know its a bad idea going on benzos when depressed/suicidal.

Basically im overwhelmed with life. Im nearing the end of college and some big things are about to happen which involve big things and decisions from me. I hate people, authority, the system, and overall the world we live in. I've always said that if i killed myself i'd leave in the suicide note that i didn't do it because i hate myself (but i actually do), but because I hate the world and everything about it. we ruined it beyond repair. I like to think im a good person, but there are people out there running the world who are truly horrible people. This makes me angry and hopeless because how did we ever let it get this way. Sometimes i just wanna leave everything behind and live off the earth in the middle of nowhere. Or die off the earth and end up in actual nowhere.

tl;dr basically im hopeless, overwhelmed, and unmotivated with big things happening in my life and am not feeling prepared to take it all on. I hate myself, people, the world, and have extreme social anxiety and it takes so much to force myself to act normal around people. It's too much energy. I have frequent thoughts of suicide/death/murder and everything gruesome. There's no place for me here, maybe when the world figures out a better way to run things. But it'll never happen. "They finally love you when you're dead"
 
I took 60 klonopins once and didn't die fwiw. I forget if I drank too. prob not. p.s. I did however get rushed to a hospital at some point, so they prob saved me.
 
I apologize for not coming back to this thread sooner, most of the time I'm just apathetic and don't care about anything, including anyone who may have replied and tried to help me. It sounds fucked up i know, but i can't help that feeling of not caring. It's a combo of lack of trust, lack of care, lack of hope, and almost a derealization state. I'd been really anxious and depressed for months, getting worse as it's already been there for years. So i got bored and decided to get back on benzos so i could at least relax for just one second of my life and not have my thoughts destroy me. Stupid? absolutely. I already know its a bad idea going on benzos when depressed/suicidal.

Basically im overwhelmed with life. Im nearing the end of college and some big things are about to happen which involve big things and decisions from me. I hate people, authority, the system, and overall the world we live in. I've always said that if i killed myself i'd leave in the suicide note that i didn't do it because i hate myself (but i actually do), but because I hate the world and everything about it. we ruined it beyond repair. I like to think im a good person, but there are people out there running the world who are truly horrible people. This makes me angry and hopeless because how did we ever let it get this way. Sometimes i just wanna leave everything behind and live off the earth in the middle of nowhere. Or die off the earth and end up in actual nowhere.

tl;dr basically im hopeless, overwhelmed, and unmotivated with big things happening in my life and am not feeling prepared to take it all on. I hate myself, people, the world, and have extreme social anxiety and it takes so much to force myself to act normal around people. It's too much energy. I have frequent thoughts of suicide/death/murder and everything gruesome. There's no place for me here, maybe when the world figures out a better way to run things. But it'll never happen. "They finally love you when you're dead"

I can really relate to a lot of things you said here, especially about feeling dysphoric after learning about the deeper workings of the world. It's not the altruistic world Disney cartoons might lead us to believe. In fact, there are a lot of unreconcilable ugly and downright evil in the world. War for profit, predatory capitalism, and sightless industry, to name a few. The meek may inherit the earth, but it is the evil who truly rule it.

I lived my life by the quote "he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man" for many years. By removing all hope, you remove all disappointment. So long as the flesh is satisfied, the mind never strays too far in its desires. A life of greedy hedonism, desiring nothing more than money drugs and sex; life's goal being to satisfy the senses.

But, much like how they do not know the pain, beast do not know the pleasure of human either. The hope of love, the comfort of real friends, the elegance of art. The ability to perceive pain is the same that we use to perceive pleasure, and humans have just attuned themselves to higher levels of both. One cannot feel disappointment if one did not first feel hope. This ability to feel is something we retain throughout life, even though it doesn't always seem like it. When we are experiencing pain it is hard to imagine pleasure, and sometimes certain kinds of pain can seem to last forever. The truth is though, feelings are temporary and ever changing along this journey.

A certain amount of disappointment is to be expected upon discovering one has been deceived, and when that world is crashing down it seems like there can never be hope again. But once the dust settles, there is nothing left to do but rebuild. And you rebuild with the knowledge learned from the fall, some might call it wisdom. The ugliness of one person does not take away from the beauty of another; just because there are ugly people in the world doesn't mean you can't find beauty to appreciate. Just because there is hate in the world doesn't mean there isn't room for love.
 
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I 100% agree with Mafioso. My own journey has taken me all over the map, emotion-wise and in terms of how I feel about the world. As a kid I felt pretty idyllic about the whole thing, I was unaware of the terrible problems affecting society. But by the time I was your age, about to graduate college, and also at various times afterwards for my entire twenties, I felt rather like you did, depressed, overwhelmed about the state of the world and the future, full of pain and anger at those responsible. I turned to opiates to numb it and by the time I was 28, 29 years old, I had been addicted to opiates for almost 10 years, and there were several other factors in my life that also contributed pain, and I was constantly having fantasies about killing myself... I fully hated myself AND the world. I wasn't quite to the point of actually intending to do it but I think it was only a matter of time before I got there. I felt like the entire world was shit, and everyone sucked. I wished it would burn and we could stop plaguing this beautiful planet with our collective psychopathy.

Then a few things happened. I got off opiates finally (via ibogaine, incidentally), I got out of my extremely toxic marriage, and I started playing music again and spending time with my friends. And something really amazing happened - I had a change in perspective. Suddenly I didn't have two huge sources of pain in my life (that marriage and opiates) filling me with anxiety and sadness and fear. I also had something back that brought a lot of meaning to my life and personal fulfillment and pride - music. And as I put myself back out there in the world, I started to realize that there are a whole lot of great people worth knowing who are good. I already lived in a place where the people are generally cool and there's a good community, there are places like this all around (a lot of them out Western USA but there are plenty of places in the US and elsewhere). I started to build a positive, uplifting community of people I can relate to and who can relate to me.

And before long, even though I am of course still aware of the terrible things about humans and that are going on in the world, my local world started to become a very good, positive place, a place where I can make a difference and I do. This has led me to feeling good as long as I don't dwell too much on the news and stuff like that. I am a happy person, I have struggles of course but I look forward to waking up every day and I spend a lot of time doing things I feel good about and that other people feel good about. I'm not gonna save the world, but I realized no one person can, and literally the only thing we can do (aside from getting deeply involved in activism) is try to be the best people we can be for those around us. Then we make things better for those people, who in turn are more able to do the same for their world. In essence, I changed my perspective on my situation and at the same time increased my participation in the world around me. I find now that, instead of constantly being reminded of the negative, and finding myself noticing all the little bad things happening throughout my day, I am more often reminded of the beauty in humans and the world, and noticing the little good things throughout my day, and oftentimes not even choosing to identify what I might have thought of as evidence of how the world is shit (such as, for example, "that fucker cut me off, what a dick, of course that happened to me, fml" instead being interpreted as "Whoa, careful man. Alright glad nothing happened").

Hopefully that helps in some way. It took purposeful work, and I always wonder how much the ibogaine helped facilitate this because it's the nature of the way I felt suddenly out of nowhere, immediately after the experience (which was also when I suddenly felt like I had no desire for opiates for the first time in 10 years). I think it just gave me insight, though. Because it definitely takes work to maintain my positive state of mind. You might think I'm ignoring the bad stuff, but I'm not. Some days I feel overwhelmed by it, still. It's just a decision I've made to not dwell on what I can't change. it's a smart survival strategy, not a denial. It does no one any good, least of all me, to dwell on stuff I can't change. So instead I choose to focus on what I can change. I believe anyone can do that, it just takes practice and it also takes action.

It might not sound related, but working out regularly (daily cardio and also strength training a few times a week - or at least as much as you can fit in) and getting in shape help so much with everything. That's another thing I started to do after I got off opiates, and it helped with feeling good (endorphins - this is a big help, trust me), and feeling confident/attractive/powerful. In fact the last year and a half or so I've really let the exercise slack and I feel the difference big-time, I am noticeably less happy and more anxious as a baseline.
 
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I'm closing this. We don't allow discussion of suicide methods here. I urge you to call the numbers 10 posted, call emergency services, or go to your closest emergency room.
 
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Cudi you can start another thread if you'd like some support going forward, want to talk about your problems, etc. :)
 
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