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Vickygoes

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Joined
Mar 22, 2019
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6
Hi.
New member, long time reader. I've been spurred to join as I've now decided to get totally clean. I've been an opiate addict for 11 years, from the age of 17. I got into speed the last three years. Self detoxed from the meth 9 months ago, with A LOT of love and support from my partner in crime. Haven't looked back. Now I'm on day 10 of no codeine, after a relapse. I came off codeine last September, bit went back not long after. The physical wd is mostly over, a few residual aches and pains, headache, yawning and sneezing still. What I'm struggling with is the feeling of emptiness I've been left with. I know I need to find a new source of happiness, keep myself busy, but I have no motivation for anything, no energy, I feel hollow all the time. I'm not sure what normal is anymore, I've been codeine normal for a third of my life. Is there anyone who has or does feel like this?
Thanks for sticking with me, reaching out when I'm filled with such shame and anger is terrifying.
 
Hey Vickygoes,

I can relate to the feeling of emptiness. For me it manifests as chronic boredom and lack of connection. Although I am fairly certain that there is a deeper issue as the root cause for my drug use.

Good job on working to get sober. Check out The Dark Side and Sober Living if you get a chance. There's a lot of support over there for those of us struggling with addiction.

Welcome to Bluelight!

Best wishes,
madness00
 
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Hi madness
That makes sense. I enjoyed getting high. I loved the feeling it gave me. I was prescribed pain meds for a lot of issues caused by an abusive partner, I suffered a lot of nerve damage, broken bones, complications, and became hooked from there. The sedation was a godsend, the euphoria a bonus.
Going to try and get out and take my kids swimming today.
 
Haha they're all kids, but there is an opportunity to join them, so I decided to apply. I enjoy swimming, I'm surprised at how many things I left behind to chase the high. It helped with the pain. Almost stopped off to get some OTC meds with codeine, but I didn't. I just keep coming back here reading other people's experiences and that helps. I don't feel so isolated and alone anymore. Thank you madness, for reaching out to me.
 
There's a lot of good people on this site and a sub-forum for just about everything. I hope you find home here and if not at least use it as a social database to gain insight and find a sense of community.

Would I be able to surf off the waves of your belly flop, or is it more of a "splat" like a small mesquite hitting a swatter?

Regardless, welcome here again, and feel free to take full advantage of the sites support and info.
 
I'm quite tiny, so it's more of a ripple! If I cannonball you might feel a slight wave. Thank you, the compassion for strangers that have been and are going through the hell of an addiction and recovery is astounding. I'm still having a nosey and picking up tips and tricks.
 
I didn't expect cravings to be as strong as they are. How do you cope with that?
 
You're always going to have cravings. For me the biggest part of getting over addiction was finding things to live for in life. Make a plan of what you want out of life, and stick to it. Love can last a life time, free of charge, in a healthy way. I know it sounds cheesy, but for me that's what gets me over my cravings. I relapsed several times in the past several months, but have gone as much as a month without using in that same time frame. So it's hard but one needs to experience good things during sobriety that they can hold on to in times of relapse or cravings.

Another thing that helped was finding substitutes for my stimulant cravings life caffeine.

And yet another thing that helped was Bluelight. The support here is awesome :)

What are some things you live for?

Edit: Oh, and of course staying busy is really helpful.
 
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