5 days free. Quick taper off Oxymorphone. I took it ~10 years for chronic pain. It started becoming a problem 2 years ago. I'm DONE. Battling the restlessness/nervousness stage of detox. This is the hardest part for me. I tend to not get out of bed. Making myself DO stuff. I don't work due to illness so not having to get up makes it SO hard to do.
(recovery journal)
- Thread starter Sunsoda
- Start date
Kmccartttt
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Keep it up
Thanks for the reminder to be kind to myself. I've definitely been struggling. My pain has been pretty bad the last few days. It's hard having no way to treat it. Ive been stuck in bed a lot. To answer your question, I stopped for a few reasons... #1 because I started abusing my meds for the energy #2 because I despise the pain management process and #3 because I haven't been off meds for so long. I want to know how my pain is without the meds. Ive had 6 brain surgeries and 2 cervical spine surgeries. I'm so tired of pain. So far, without meds, it's bad BUT I also know my body probably has zero natural pain killers right now. I'm trying to give it time. I think I'm about 2 weeks off now. One day at a time, right?
Stargazer
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Sunsoda-
Yes. Recovery is a process. Just a little a time, in manageable sections.
You're 10-11 days in right? I read your other thread.
You're going to start to feel better - energy wise, appetite, etc. The Neurontin (gabapentin) is helpful for anxiety as well. It's a soothing medication.
I have chronic pain too Sun. Chronic cluster headaches. That's how my drug abuse journey started. It shows alot of strength to stop. You're doing a great thing by catching yourself. It's not worth it.
I went to a pain rehab about 4yrs ago. It was awesome. It was great to be around others that understood chronic pain. We, like you, needed our meds, but abused them.
I'm on Subutex now. I also take Neurontin (gabapentin) and Lyrica for pain. I was initially put on Neurontin for nerve pain, which it didn't help me with. But, it helps alot with anxiety and panic attacks. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, a few years ago.
You started abusing your meds for energy? I also liked how ambitious they made me. Do you know why your energy is low? I'm asking because I self-medicated because of anxiety and panic attacks.
Hows your day going?
Yes. Recovery is a process. Just a little a time, in manageable sections.
You're 10-11 days in right? I read your other thread.
You're going to start to feel better - energy wise, appetite, etc. The Neurontin (gabapentin) is helpful for anxiety as well. It's a soothing medication.
I have chronic pain too Sun. Chronic cluster headaches. That's how my drug abuse journey started. It shows alot of strength to stop. You're doing a great thing by catching yourself. It's not worth it.
I went to a pain rehab about 4yrs ago. It was awesome. It was great to be around others that understood chronic pain. We, like you, needed our meds, but abused them.
I'm on Subutex now. I also take Neurontin (gabapentin) and Lyrica for pain. I was initially put on Neurontin for nerve pain, which it didn't help me with. But, it helps alot with anxiety and panic attacks. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, a few years ago.
You started abusing your meds for energy? I also liked how ambitious they made me. Do you know why your energy is low? I'm asking because I self-medicated because of anxiety and panic attacks.
Hows your day going?
Thanks for responding 10yg. I'm definitely feeling alone right now. Nobody in my real life has any idea I was abusing my meds. It's my dirty little secret. Besides pain, I also have clinical depression, anxiety, agoraphobia. The anxiety is really bad. I do have rx for lorazepam which is helping. I've never abused that. My energy issues are from a condition called POTS (posterior orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) Basically, when I'm upright, my heart rate goes crazy high for no good reason. Imagine feeling like you're running a marathon... all day long. It's exhausting. A couple years ago, I decided to snort one of my pills. The energy rush was so great, I was instantly hooked. Not long before I started running out early. I think I always knew it was a problem but didn't care because I could finally get stuff done. I've thrown myself into acute withdrawal so many times... the only reason my family didn't know is it just looks like a flare. I've been sick for so long, nobody questions why I don't get out of bed for 3days. But I knew, and I'm sick of it. Not sure how to cope with the pain though... it is unrelenting. Agony. Sigh. Wondering why I fucked everything up like this. I took my meds as prescribed for 8 years. Wtf is wrong with me? I don't want to suffer anymore. I need my life back. Or a life. Any life. Ugh. I'm rambling now. Ttyl
Stargazer
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I hear you loud and clear. And guess what? So does every other chronic pain patient. My logic was "Who cares if I take an extra pill? What life do I get to have, besides agonizing pain with no solution? I EARNED and deserve some pleasure". I still think there's a special place in heaven for chronic pain patients.
The Chronic Pain Program, at Valley Forge Medical Center in PA. really was awesome. I can't tell you how magical it was to be with others that understood chronic pain, without having to say a word. I can't tell you how much we laughed too. Everyone wanted to be in the cp group, because it seemed so fun. They figured we we all must be on astronomical amounts of pain meds. It was the opposite actually.
They addressed the whole person. Body, spirit and emotions. We tried different types of homeopathic treatments, went to the gym everyday except Sunday and physical therapy too.
There's not a damn thing wrong w you Sun. Other than being tired of everything. You're a superstar. You, by your own accord, stopped taking your meds. I stopped by brute Force.
I hope you're feeling much better today.
The Chronic Pain Program, at Valley Forge Medical Center in PA. really was awesome. I can't tell you how magical it was to be with others that understood chronic pain, without having to say a word. I can't tell you how much we laughed too. Everyone wanted to be in the cp group, because it seemed so fun. They figured we we all must be on astronomical amounts of pain meds. It was the opposite actually.
They addressed the whole person. Body, spirit and emotions. We tried different types of homeopathic treatments, went to the gym everyday except Sunday and physical therapy too.
There's not a damn thing wrong w you Sun. Other than being tired of everything. You're a superstar. You, by your own accord, stopped taking your meds. I stopped by brute Force.
I hope you're feeling much better today.
hotfriesmmm
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Sunsoda, my opiate addiction also resulted from pain management (motorcycle crashes). Which led to a 12yr addiction to oxy and heroin among other things. Something that has helped me on my journey in early recovery is yoga. Ive noticed my pain has significantly decreased over the past 7 months and I can now manage it with naproxen. Yoga surely is not a fix all, but it helped me and countless others. 10yr is right gabapentin is also very helpful with pain and anxiety aliments. Hope youre doing alright. When you are starting to feel up to, try spending some time in the gym or check out some yoga.
Stargazer
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I used to get rebound pain from immitrex. Do you have any more gabapentin? If so, take a couple. Do you have any ibuprofen? If you're able to take them, take a couple.
Is the pain just in your head? Do you have a heating pad? Ice packs? I put the heating pad on the back of my neck. Do you have any methods you usually use when you're in pain?
Try to focus on only your breathing. Calm yourself as much as you can. That will lower your blood pressure. I can go into more detail about how to do that, if you are interested. I'm sorry to hear you are in pain Sun. <<<hug>>>
Is the pain just in your head? Do you have a heating pad? Ice packs? I put the heating pad on the back of my neck. Do you have any methods you usually use when you're in pain?
Try to focus on only your breathing. Calm yourself as much as you can. That will lower your blood pressure. I can go into more detail about how to do that, if you are interested. I'm sorry to hear you are in pain Sun. <<<hug>>>
Hey 10YG...
Thanks again for the advice!
Today, I have tried Tylenol, Advil, Kratom, lidocaine patches, muscle relaxers... I got my level 8 pain down to maybe a 7. I've been in bed all day rotating my heating pad on my neck and my upper back. I woke up with the headache. It's from increased intracranial pressure I think (another one of my obnoxious neurological disorders) We have rain moving in and I am a human barometer! My head is better than it was when I posted earlier so yay for that
The gaba doesn't help my pain but it helps me sleep. I'm so very thankful for that. Will be taking it soon!
I'm working on the calming... sooooo hard when the pain is high like this. Great reminder about the breathing too. I do tend to breathe very shallow when in pain. I'll try to be more aware of that.
Off to take a hot Epsom salt bath, maybe that will help. Thank you again for answering my posts. <<<hugs>>> backatcha. ~Sun
Thanks again for the advice!
Today, I have tried Tylenol, Advil, Kratom, lidocaine patches, muscle relaxers... I got my level 8 pain down to maybe a 7. I've been in bed all day rotating my heating pad on my neck and my upper back. I woke up with the headache. It's from increased intracranial pressure I think (another one of my obnoxious neurological disorders) We have rain moving in and I am a human barometer! My head is better than it was when I posted earlier so yay for that
The gaba doesn't help my pain but it helps me sleep. I'm so very thankful for that. Will be taking it soon!
I'm working on the calming... sooooo hard when the pain is high like this. Great reminder about the breathing too. I do tend to breathe very shallow when in pain. I'll try to be more aware of that.
Off to take a hot Epsom salt bath, maybe that will help. Thank you again for answering my posts. <<<hugs>>> backatcha. ~Sun
Stargazer
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I too, am a human barometer. Omg, the pressure in my head when it's going to rain! Until it's starts raining, its bad.
I know how difficult the chronic pain struggle is. And not being able to get comfortable. Good idea on the Epsom salt bath. It's not easy to stay calm when pain level is ramping up or up - I say to myself , "Just focus on your breathing" and work on breathing normally. I start hyperventilating when a headache is starting. Hope you're getting relief Sun.
I know how difficult the chronic pain struggle is. And not being able to get comfortable. Good idea on the Epsom salt bath. It's not easy to stay calm when pain level is ramping up or up - I say to myself , "Just focus on your breathing" and work on breathing normally. I start hyperventilating when a headache is starting. Hope you're getting relief Sun.
Hey sun!
You are doing awesome!
I?m also a CP patient. It?s a whole different experience I?m sure than opiate addiction without pain after withdrawals - at least in some regards, in others I?m sure it?s exactly the same.
The rebound pain lasted about 4 weeks for me. It gets better all of the time but ever so slowly, in my experience. Have you thought about the possibility that, even after giving it time to account for the rebound pain, you still need narcotic pain managem? I hope that is not the case for you, but I know that some CP patients can?t function without it - addiction or not.
I had to be off for 100+ days to really know if I could handle life without pain management. It fucked with mentally, a lot. Do you have a counselor or friend you could confide in? Have you considered going to local meetings (or not so local if you prefer)? I hope you are able to find some support in your day to day life. Is this your only form of support entirely?
Keep up the good work. I?m sending you all my good vibes today!
- VE
Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!!!! I?m sick of this shit.
I just had to say that. I am not even going down in dose or anything - just feel generally like shit. All. The. Time.
I hope everyone else is doing better than I am.
- VE
Edit: so sorry to hijack your thread, sun. Honestly I thought I was posting on mine until looking again. Jesus Christ on a cracker it?s been one of those days. Let me know if you want me to remove/delete. Mostly I just had to get it out - no need for responses.
I just had to say that. I am not even going down in dose or anything - just feel generally like shit. All. The. Time.
I hope everyone else is doing better than I am.
- VE
Edit: so sorry to hijack your thread, sun. Honestly I thought I was posting on mine until looking again. Jesus Christ on a cracker it?s been one of those days. Let me know if you want me to remove/delete. Mostly I just had to get it out - no need for responses.