Hello everyone

[Potopie]

I am here to learn from everyone's experience and to share my own battle. I took many notes during my fight and it's time to share that with a community that will appreciate it.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Hey Potopie!

I am looking forward to reading about your fight.. would you mind giving us a hint on what it was for?

What types of drugs are you interested in, and what outside of drugs moves you?

No pressure to answer, just curious over here.

Welcome to Bluelight, and enjoy your stay

 

[Potopie]

Well my fight has mostly been with opiates. Poppy seed tea, fentanyl chewing, 15-20mg per pill 5-8 times a day, kratom. Drugs that interested me was anti anxiety and a little adderall. I used the methamphetamine to increase the effects of the opiates, same with anxiety meds. Also used anxiety meds and kratom to help with RLS and acute w/d symptoms.


I was really hooked on the opiates. Started with 7.5mg met someone with 15mg and their script moved on to 20mg and I knew the person very well so I never had to pay all that much. I used kratom to wean off the 20's and then later in life PST to get over fentanyl. I did abuse PST for a year or so once I figured out the recipe really well. Currently I am making the push to quit forever..in the past I had to stop for one reason or another (supply of meds or of money usually). I haven't had any opiates for 5 days now. Blew through klonopins and xanax kind of quickly but it got me thru those first horrible days. Now I have some adderall to help get going in the morning. After those are all gone I will use trazodone in half doses for about a week maybe less just to get good sleep and the mood/depression symptoms which will still linger. For me it is largely that I didn't ever want to quit and that just made me mad at myself. So this time I mentally prepared, planned on how to get the meds I knew would help, and then jumped into a pit of hell I created for myself.


My only other struggle with drugs was alcohol. That I chose to stop before I hurt someone in a vehicle. I don't have much advice on stopping alcohol I was really surprised how well I handled that one. I know lots of weed was helpful but I was also genuinely afraid of alcohol any more and that bolstered me mentally.


What I have learned from many attempts and lots of "the worst w/d I ever felt" is that the mental illness is the biggest problem. We feel unable to function without some sort of pill. And of course what ever preparation and ritual you attach to taking the drug. The only thing I can guarantee is if you don't WANT to quit then you will always relapse.


If you can't find a reason good enough to make you quit... Use the forethought of how strong you will feel after cessation. You will have learned that you actually can do anything you want (sense it will be the most pain you have personally endured) The smallish (longest being a year or so) times that I was completely clean made me feel great. But I had a love and my habit made that love even more enjoyable so I always planned on going back. For several years the drugs fit my lifestyle well. But not anymore. I may still get anti anxiety meds when it's all done but I never have a problem when they are gone. For some reason the adderall doesn't give me cravings like it should, if I wake up and they are gone I don't freak or start calling people.


Opiates are my devil and partially of my own doing. Some time ago I convinced myself I needed opiates for people to like me. They made me more enjoyable and I found that I was genuinely interested in what others had to say and in their lives. I liked that side of myself, I had been shy before and now with my super medicine I could talk to the opposite sex and people in general.


I know the story got long and if it needs to be moved then please do.

I can tell more of my story another time.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Potopie - thank you for sharing your story. This is exactly the place to do so.

I too have an MI and used to struggle with being shy. There is nothing wrong with being shy, and if the only way to talk to the opposite sex is by being high, then that means one would need to be high all the time. If you haven't already, you will find someone who likes you for you, sober, and that is when your really start reaping the rewards of not using drugs.

Recognizing how great you feel sober is such a blessing. A lot of people simply crave more, all the time, but knowing how rewarding being sober is is an excellent frame of mind to be in.

I too enjoy myself sober. Sometimes i like the energy from uppers, sometimes i like the disinhibition of alcohol, but all in all the real, long lasting happiness can only come from something more sustainable, like love.

Thanks again for you intro, i enjoyed reading it.

madness00