I have had a relationship with a woman which amounts to a FWB situation for approximately 2.5 years. We were friends prior to that and over the years have become very close. I'd say we are now close to being, if not already, each other's best friend. It has been made clear that we both have feelings that go beyond it, but we've avoided that step due to fears of commitment and how crossing that boundary could lead to irreparable damage being done to our friendship if either of us fell back into negative behavior patterns.
I'm somewhat familiar with psychology and think that she is of the avoidant attachment style, as she tends to struggle with expressing deep emotions and sharing past traumas, preferring in the past to keep me at a distance as a defense mechanism. I believe that she does want a committed relationship despite, what appear to me at least, to be halfhearted claims otherwise. However, I think she avoids this with me due to the fact that she does depend on me for so many things and that if we were to move beyond that, the risk of being hurt becomes too great because it would mean losing so much if things were to go south.
Recently, we've both made strides in our personal lives, me being drug free for an extended period of time and her having made progress with her ability to communicate feelings and needs clearly. With these improvements, we've become closer than ever. Due to this I intend to broach the topic of a committed relationship soon, probably some time next month. I certainly feel like if we're going to carry on the way we are now it has to be going somewhere, otherwise what exactly are we doing?
My question here is what can be done to help make her feel comfortable with this type of commitment? Any tips on how to express myself without overwhelming her would be great.
I'm somewhat familiar with psychology and think that she is of the avoidant attachment style, as she tends to struggle with expressing deep emotions and sharing past traumas, preferring in the past to keep me at a distance as a defense mechanism. I believe that she does want a committed relationship despite, what appear to me at least, to be halfhearted claims otherwise. However, I think she avoids this with me due to the fact that she does depend on me for so many things and that if we were to move beyond that, the risk of being hurt becomes too great because it would mean losing so much if things were to go south.
Recently, we've both made strides in our personal lives, me being drug free for an extended period of time and her having made progress with her ability to communicate feelings and needs clearly. With these improvements, we've become closer than ever. Due to this I intend to broach the topic of a committed relationship soon, probably some time next month. I certainly feel like if we're going to carry on the way we are now it has to be going somewhere, otherwise what exactly are we doing?
My question here is what can be done to help make her feel comfortable with this type of commitment? Any tips on how to express myself without overwhelming her would be great.