Greetings and salutations

[KrakenWolf187]

Been a voyeur on the site for quite some time, thought it was time I got a little more involved so just wanted to introduce myself. I'm approaching my 32nd birthday shortly, American male, and I have been exploring the nature of my reality with the help of mind altering substances for all of my developmental and adult existence. I am currently a recovering alcoholic and life long addict looking to contribute my experience and (dare I say) potential wisdom of the ups and downs of life and how it relates to the way we see the world and understand our relationship with drugs. I am intensely curious and consistently seeking out new ways of understanding myself and the world and I have gotten so much benefit from the use of this site that I can honestly say without it and a few other resources I would likely not have made it this far in life blessed as I am with the opportunity to ramble semi-coherently anonymously to strangers who in a sense are the family I never knew, trying to save a kindred soul from the depths of the hells they've endured at their own hands and attempting to create an environment of safety and certainty out of inherently dangerous and historically stigmatized but intrinsically and undeniably human behavior of intentional self intoxication and the roles it has played in the evolution of modern man, and that is an admirable and honorable undertaking that I wish to propagate and investigate thoroughly. I feel lucky to have experienced the misfortunes that I have, or at least in the way that I have, because I have used them to grow (for the most part), but I have felt the crushing weight of the hammer of the american judicial system since before I was old enough to drive and that coupled with the propaganda and hypocrisy of the war on drugs has created a need in me to understand as much as possible and if possible help others to find understanding themselves before they end up in one of those life derailing situations that forever alter the universe as you know it. Also, if anyone needs help developing a talent for excessive run on sentences with bare bones punctuation and thesaurus -esque verbiage I think I'm figuring it out. Tried and liked most shit I've come across, been on top of the world and the bottom of the rock as they say, been to prison a couple times been to rehab a couple times been to church a couple times been to the strip club far too infrequently, was raised by an alcoholic and lost my only brother to heroin overdose. Currently only using weed daily but have started to develop a kratom habit and basically hoping to further develop the skills needed to successfully navigate the lifestyle that I've come to know. Sorry for the novel, I like to hear myself talk even via text. Thanks!

 

[KrakenWolf187]

Also, current user of hallucinagens when available, love my uppers a little too much, never got heroin but never wanted to, esp after losing my brother to OD in 2015, but I'm not immune to the charm of opiates and their cousins like kratom. I have a love hate relationship with alcohol, which is truly my greatest foe and just started drinking again after over a year of abstinence. Subsequently cocaine has been reintroduced to my arsenal and that means meth is likely peeking from around a corner waiting to pounce. I only feel comfortable using weed and thc concentrates daily but lately have been a bit hedonistic and slightly careless lately, which is likely why I've been glued to this site for the last 4 hours or so. Struggling with finding my identity after years of actively trying to hide from anything I couldnt smoke or drink away and dealing with life constantly fucked up but never present. I am a father of four children and some permanent memories of my problem use will stick with my oldest daughter forever and I have a chance and obligation to the younger three to try and do better by them. Want to truly thrive in this life have had some major setbacks and probably fair to say greatly exacerbated if not wholly created by my drug and alcohol use and I didn't get much positive guidance from any of the deluded role model types in my young life so I want better for my kids. Also have a need to explore those altered states and I doubt I'll ever be free of that facet of my personality so I need you guys and this site to be a beacon of balance and a lighthouse of truth and hopefully didn't waste any of those bad experiences thru lack of self awareness and stagnation of personal growth. Thanks and sorry again I am really bad at being succinct tonight...

 

[Cheshire_Kat]

Hi Kraken, welcome to Bluelight!

I read through both of your posts. There's a lot to read through and believe me there is no judgement, but I think you you might get more folks reading though your posts of you break them up a bit. It's nothing fancy, but gives the eye and brain some time to process stuff and encourage them to read further. I only say this so you don't don't lose folks through the tl;dr syndrome. Again, no judgement just some constructive criticism.

I encourage you to look over the various sub-forums and find a place where you feel that any question you have is likely to bring you best results. If you have any questions, just ask. I might not be the one to answer, but we have a whole community of people who are experienced and willing to share.

 

[KrakenWolf187]

Thank you for ur response, I was probably not in the best state to initiate my introduction to the community and I appreciate any constructive criticism. I am excited to contribute and receive in this community, I don't participate in any social media and have succumbed to the reality of dwindling social resources and reliable friends we all inevitably must endure as we age. I also feel very unsupported in my personal life and only recently was able to achieve any growth and personal development and I intensely crave the understanding of truly kindred or open minded souls to help contribute some depth to my existence. I feel very misunderstood and hope to find others of my general constitution and outlook, it's exhausting trying to relate to people who already have an alabaster statue of ur essence chiseled to precisely mimic and ultimately trap Into conformity ur soul. Thanks again