Mental Health Thinking about going back on meds after 5+ years without...

[sarcophagus.heels]

I was some combination of psych meds or another for about 4 years. The actual meds rotated a lot because I was having trouble managing my ill-defined mood disorder (between all of my doctors, they had dxed me with bpd, then bipolar type II, then dysthemia, then mood disorder NOS...god knows what the actual problem is at this point. In those four years, I tried lexapro, zoloft, seroquel, effexor, abilify, wellbutrin, and a couple I'm forgetting, plus some sleep meds for my insomnia.

That process was exhausting - in the end, the abilify and wellbutrin were helpful. Because of insurance issues I couldn't afford the abilify anymore, and then I slowly stopped taking wellbutrin out of concern for the side effects, and because dbt and consistent therapy had been helping me out a ton.

The issue I'm having is that recently, my mood has felt the most unstable that it has in years. I've been getting this dark, empty feeling, and intrusive thoughts about self-harming (one of the major problems that I used to have). I'm used to my mood fluctuating and I'm generally able to ride out my bouts of depression/anxiety, but this one feels much more persistent. I just posted on TDS about this earlier this week, since I've also been increasingly self-medicating and it has me worried.

All of this is to say - I am considering seeing a psychiatrist, and was wondering if anyone has any experience with going back on psych meds after taking a break for several years. How was that process? It took me so long to find meds that worked for me, and it was honestly never perfect, and some of the meds that I tried were downright shitty (I feel like the seroquel made my depression worse, for example)...If anyone's been in this situation, was it any easier the second time around?

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

It wasn't for me, because I didn't take it very seriously.

I had wellbutrin during my first phase..found it to work very, very well. but I couldn't think.

The second time around I was too jumpy about side effects.

I wish I could have gone back, been totally honest, and let my prescriber treat me.

 

[SebastianSkip]

Hey,

Hope your?re feeling better, some relief. I?ve definitely been in those dark places with intrusive thoughts and desire to self harm. It?s worth keeping on trying to ride out. I know that focusing on things outside of myself helped. I?m not talking about other people or activities but a really basic look around the room and identify the objects or make a grocery list. I found that when I felt this way keeping things really simple helped. I?d brush my teeth, wash my face, file my nails, go for a bike ride. I feel for you, it?s not fun.

As for the med-go-round. It?s uncomfortable to take the wrong med but it?s pretty great if something works to have as a tool. I think it?s worth trying but I?d beware of drs who want to start you on high doses which is something I encountered, I?ve got a low drug tolerance so I had to learn to say, ?no, I want less to start?.

To answer your question, yes, it does get better. But it might not feel better when you first try again. Heck it might even seem worse if you see a real idiot psych Dr but even that will help because every time you try you learn something about yourself or the system, what works or doesn?t for you.

Take care, there?s always someone out here sharing the feeling you?re experiencing, I believe you?re connected to them and whatever you do to move forward into light, heal, improve, get help, in some cosmic way helps all the others.