Today is sober day number 8 for me. (Mostly just Oxy,norco,lyrica) (MME generally in the 100-200 range) Until now, The longest I've made it in the past 4 years is 5 days. Last year I got off of multiple 100mcg fentanyl patches and went through hell of withdrawals only to replace it with regular use of oxy 5 days later. Unlike previous attempts however, This is the first time I've actually felt like I could make it. I'm starting to come out of acute withdrawals now and I know I've built up a tolerance so much that even if I do use again it's not really going to give me what I'm looking for anymore. I have no desire at this time to try any opioids of any kind because my brain, unlike a seemingly normal PAWS brain, keeps telling myself that it isn't going to do a damn thing but make me have to go through all this shit again. I might feel better for a day or two at most, but the trade off of feeling like shit for another 8+ days after I stop again simply isn't worth it anymore. In the beginning I could get high, and stay high, for literally months at a time, then weeks, now days. It's just not worth what I can get out of it anymore and I'm truly hoping this feeling will stick with me. Not really sure where I'm going with this story but I guess even though I'm not currently "happy" (yet) I'm just happy to finally be where I'm at, which is further than I've been in a long time.
