Hi all!
So my story starts in 2008, when stupidly as a teenager I obtained a ?20 bag of MDMA at a house party clueless to how much to take etc and basically dabbed away at it all night. I woke up in the morning and the bag wasnt there. I dunno If I took it all, but anyway. My life was different after that.
Basically it brought about a crippling anxiety disorder mainly centering around health anxiety and a mild DP/DR, floaters etc..
I also developed muscle twitching, which brought on years of obsessive thoughts over motor neuron diseases etc.. Which even to this day I have not yet shaken off.
My question to you guys is this..
Am I right in thinking that such a ridiculous dose of MDMA would cause oxidative damage to my DNA? and oxidative damage is one of the main causes of neurodegenerative diseases such as Mnd..
To be honest I don't fully understand oxidative stress and how it works/wether it can be healed? I was hoping one of you more educated types could give me a little more information as the Web is not proving helpful to me.
Thanks a lot guys.
It stands to logic that if the damages we cause will damage our DNA, then the recovery practices we commit to will restore our DNA. And if our actions change our DNA, its possible to manifest new and more evolved DNA than you have ever had before. After all, before knowing our actions could improve our DNA, we never gave it 100%. Now that we are trying, we will achieve more than we ever had on accident. Conscious evolution, that is one gift that the LTC imbued me with.
I know that the damages we cause to our body can change our genetics. During my LTC i developed a period where my body was unable to metabolize alcohol properly. This shit happened for like 6 months then mysteriously vanished.
DNA changes is the only thing that comes to mind. Many people with that disorder are born with it and have it for the rest of their life. It makes zero sense to how I can develop it for just 6 months and then recover from it. I never came across anyone else who had a similar experience (to my exact situation, I have come across people in similar situations although they had different ailments that manifested).
As for it being oxidative damage, I have no idea but I doubt it. I don't know what causes the damage. I don't care much either, what caused the damage isn't of concern to me. If there is damage, and how do I heal it, that is what matters to me. What caused the damage has proved to be a rabbit hole with no end for me, so i stopped wasting my time there and just focused on how I can recover.
It's been close to 2 years for me and it took everything I had in order to recover but I feel recovery within me. Maybe not 100% but I am stronger than I ever have been. Some things that I lost have not been returned, however I have gained things I never had before. I feel stronger than ever, I am able to face reality as it is and not get trapped into my mind or what I want reality to be. That is a great measure of strength and it's a new ability for me, one that this LTC experience forced to arise within me. It made my life so shitty that I had to face reality and pick up the pieces. OK so it didnt technically force me, I choose to make my life better and recover, but still it pretty much did force my hand by making my life so shitty that I had to take control of my life.
Many of the things about the LTC are not physical, they are mental and behavioral. I still have lingering behavioral habits that cause me issues. Like the tendency to have anxiety about health and shit that just isn't there. I have battled with that demon before and I won before. I am battling it now, and I will fucking WIN! sooner or later.
The last time I recovered, I was able to beat the anxiety by not giving a fuck. it was a half victory though, because that apathy spread and became its own issue.
The way that I am seeking to win now is total victory. I'm dealing with everything, piece by piece, and I will not take any more half victories. Even if that means have to endure a slow, long, painful recovery. I dont give a fuck, I will go the hard way if it means full recovery. Full recovery is the only thing I'm aiming for, not just a retreat from the suffering or a little hole to hide in while chaos rages around me. I plan on standing above ground, feet planted, swinging like a mad man until I'm victorious! Warrior spirit my brother, find it, it will help you on the quest to deal with anxiety.