Life is pointless, people are impossible (vent)

[cyberius]

All these years have just been spent getting high while everybody was out being normal and having normal experiences. I'm sitting here 22 years old, I went to jail I lost everything I was once proud of, everything that made my pathetic existence bearable since I was better off than the normal people that spend their lives having fun. Now I'm a cashier with a bachelors degree, no friends, no social skills, a criminal record, and crippling anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I'm stranded on an island now, completely isolated and completely alone with my emotions and thoughts because if I let anything out it'll sever all ties with my friends and probably family. I live a double life - misanthropic psychotic depressed suicidal on the inside, positive and cheerful on the outside. I have no idea who I am anymore or how to function. I'm just enduring autopilot trying to mindlessly push through and there's no sense of gratification or relief at all in my life, just a building inner tension and stress the longer I stay sober. Who I am internally is socially uncouth and broken but it's me. I'm so spiritually disconnected from life and suicide or just one more hit off the needle is the only way out of this now. This isn't worth it

I just can't seem to run from myself and my issues anymore, I'm exhausted.

 

[aihfl]

Sl --> tds

 

[EPL1]

Then don't run.

You have to like who you are, never mind what everyone else is going to think of you.

I am sorry you are struggling, do you have anyone IRL that you could talk to that would understand?

All I can offer you is my kindness and friendship but it's here for you. I'm here for you, feel free to pm me anytime.

Things can get better.

Much love and support to you my friend,
Ash.

 

[SeventhSea]

I just can't seem to run from myself and my issues anymore, I'm exhausted.

Felt like this today also thought I was going to die after ingesting something totally unexpected but I guess my body is truly at the end of my rope

I am withered inside and out. Body failing internally. Organs dying.

Have to go drive a Medicaid wheelchair van tomorrow at least this kid finished college