Memory of being conceived by rape. Memory at the moment conception possible? 7gshroom

[eada]

. But the feminine entity embraced the seed that was planted. She put love and all those emotions I was feeling through her into that seed. I was the seed. I suddenly sprung up in bed. Feelings of violent I am adopted and no nothing about my biological parents except what I was able to find through ancestry.com. I found the name and a cousin sent me a picture of my biological father. My biological father was "shot and killed" (I assume suicide because I was as unable to find details) at the age of 21.



I have always suffered from depression, lack of meaning, lack of purpose. I have tried everything for my depression including psychedelics, which have been very helpful for me.




So I decided to listened to Mkenna's advice and took 7grams in my room in complete darkness and got as comfortable as possible. I went into the trip with the intention of finding out what is so wrong with me? Why do I feel this way no matter what I try? What was the truth I was missing?




It took longer than usual for them to kick in, just over an hour. It was more like a dmt trip than a mushroom trip. It came on strong all at once. I felt the sensation of dying and I had no body, ego death, all that stuff but I was observing something and it felt like a memory. I seemed to just appear and here I was, like I fly on the wall, watching an event unfold. There was a green feminine entity (same one I believed I experienced on another trip but with dmt). She was presented again like this greenish opaque spirit. I could feel what she was and what she felt. She was very caring, feelings of unconditional love, like a mother. Then appeared a reddish entity, but this time a masculine entity. The masculine entity invaded the feminine entity. I felt the sensation of being violated, almost raped. I saw the masculine entity had planted a seed just before the feminine entity could whisk it away. When this was happening the feelings were so horrible, atrocious and negative. But the feminine entity embraced the seed that was planted. She put love and all those emotions I was feeling through her into that seed. I was the seed. I suddenly sprung up in bed. Feelings of violent conviction that I witnessed my own birth and that I am a result of a rape. It just seemed like it made sense. It has never been an idea I have ever thought of before but it seemed like the truth was violently shown to me. It was like the truth was wired into me without words or thoughts.


Then I sprung back to this reality and was laughing and crying at the same time. It was like I was feeling the opposite of the depression that I've suffered for so many years. I had feelings of being assured I have a purpose or I was sent here for something. I bathed in these positive emotions until the trip ended. But the trip shook my whole view on my existence, again.


Has anybody experienced anything similar having to do with memories? I do not know if I am 100% conceived from a rape but I will now do what I can to find if it's true.


Days leading up to the trip I made it a plan to seek out the synchronizations as I have never done this as I've considered myself an atheist until now. There were so many it was not coincidence. It was like this trip was supposed to unfold just how it did.
never been an idea I have ever thought of before but it seemed like the truth was violently shown to me. It was like the truth was wired into me without words or thoughts.


Then I sprung back to this reality and was laughing and crying at the same time. It was like I was feeling the opposite of the depression that I've suffered for so many years. I had feelings of being assured I have a purpose or I was sent here for something. I bathed in these positive emotions until the trip ended. But the trip shook my whole view on my existence, again.


Has anybody experienced anything similar having to do with memories? I do not know if I am 100% conceived from a rape but I will now do what I can to find if it's true.


Days leading up to the trip I made it a plan to seek out the synchronizations as I have never done this as I've considered myself an atheist until now. There were so many it was not coincidence. It was like this trip was supposed to unfold just how it did.

 

[S-Dog]

I think it's only fair that before I share my opinion I tell you that I've never taken a psychedelic. I plan on trying Salvia soon since it's easier to get but as of right now I've never tried one.

Purely logically, the answer to your question is no, you can't have memories from conception because you simply didn't have a brain at the time. most people can't recall much if anything until about two or three years old. I have a rule when I'm high. My mind is free to go wherever it wants and I'm open to any experience it can give me but when the high is over all those experiences must be taken with a MASSIVE grain of salt and of course, never make any important decisions while high. I know the psychedelic community is big into spirituality and everything that goes with it but you really shouldn't take any of the experiences you have after you've pumped your brain full of chemicals for granted.

it might be worth looking into the validity of your experience but I would try looking at it as more of a metaphor rather than a literal story about your conception. I like drugs that make you think. it's a great way to have a conversation with yourself and to allow your brain to tell you something you might not want to hear otherwise. Perhaps you're brain was trying to tell you something about yourself. Not your mother. I'm not saying you where raped, I'm simply saying maybe YOU feel invaded somehow on an emotional level. I don't know your life but it sounds like you've been going through a lot. you've been depressed and lost and it sounds like this issue with your father has been with you for a long time. it sounds like you may not have been in an amazing head space when you took the shrooms. Considering all that it's no surprise your brain walloped you with emotions.

My suggestion is, as I said, to consider it as a metaphor. rather than looking at it as an external story about your mother and father try look at it as an internal story about what might be going on side of you. Perhaps on an emotional level you feel as though you've been invaded by something. Try thinking about what those two figures could mean to you internally or what they might represent about things you're going threw and feeling. perhaps your brain is trying to communicate something more personal to you.

I hope this helps

 

[eada]

Thank you for the feedback but if you haven't taken psychedelics....

I think it's only fair that before I share my opinion I tell you that I've never taken a psychedelic. I plan on trying Salvia soon since it's easier to get but as of right now I've never tried one.

Purely logically, the answer to your question is no, you can't have memories from conception because you simply didn't have a brain at the time. most people can't recall much if anything until about two or three years old. I have a rule when I'm high. My mind is free to go wherever it wants and I'm open to any experience it can give me but when the high is over all those experiences must be taken with a MASSIVE grain of salt and of course, never make any important decisions while high. I know the psychedelic community is big into spirituality and everything that goes with it but you really shouldn't take any of the experiences you have after you've pumped your brain full of chemicals for granted.

it might be worth looking into the validity of your experience but I would try looking at it as more of a metaphor rather than a literal story about your conception. I like drugs that make you think. it's a great way to have a conversation with yourself and to allow your brain to tell you something you might not want to hear otherwise. Perhaps you're brain was trying to tell you something about yourself. Not your mother. I'm not saying you where raped, I'm simply saying maybe YOU feel invaded somehow on an emotional level. I don't know your life but it sounds like you've been going through a lot. you've been depressed and lost and it sounds like this issue with your father has been with you for a long time. it sounds like you may not have been in an amazing head space when you took the shrooms. Considering all that it's no surprise your brain walloped you with emotions.

My suggestion is, as I said, to consider it as a metaphor. rather than looking at it as an external story about your mother and father try look at it as an internal story about what might be going on side of you. Perhaps on an emotional level you feel as though you've been invaded by something. Try thinking about what those two figures could mean to you internally or what they might represent about things you're going threw and feeling. perhaps your brain is trying to communicate something more personal to you.

I hope this helps

I've thought over and over what it could mean but there's nothing. If you have never done mushrooms you should do 5g and get back to me. But thanks for the advice. I was looking to get some opinions from people that have used mushrooms in high doses.

 

[Xorkoth]

I have done a ton of psychedelics and had life-changing experiences, including high-dose mushrooms. However it is simply not possible to have a real memory of the moment of conception, because you don't even have the physical hardware to store memories, you're basically a fertilized egg at that point. One of my most important rules for tripping is to take everything with a grain of salt. Just because something seems real while you're tripping, doesn't mean that it is. If I believed everything I experienced on psychedelics, I'd believe I had been abducted by aliens and had died and was living a new life while I left behind everything in my old life when I died, and a lot of other stuff. In my experience, psychedelics teach through metaphor, and I basically agree with S-Dog's post. Don't get me wrong, I have learned a whole lot about myself and the world because of psychedelics, but it's not as simple as "I had this idea/experience on psychedelics, therefore the psychedelic is trying to tell me it's literally real". When you have an experience with psychedelics, you should think about how those experiences make you feel and what they could mean, because it's basically your subconsciousness trying to reveal feelings to you.

That said, it sounds like it had a positive impact on you. So think about why that is. And there's no harm in trying to find out whether you were conceived by rape, if that's what you want to do. As time goes on, the experience will settle with you and you'll come through it wiser.

 

[Lysergaman]

I have done a ton of psychedelics and had life-changing experiences, including high-dose mushrooms. However it is simply not possible to have a real memory of the moment of conception, because you don't even have the physical hardware to store memories, you're basically a fertilized egg at that point. One of my most important rules for tripping is to take everything with a grain of salt. Just because something seems real while you're tripping, doesn't mean that it is. If I believed everything I experienced on psychedelics, I'd believe I had been abducted by aliens and had died and was living a new life while I left behind everything in my old life when I died, and a lot of other stuff. In my experience, psychedelics teach through metaphor, and I basically agree with S-Dog's post. Don't get me wrong, I have learned a whole lot about myself and the world because of psychedelics, but it's not as simple as "I had this idea/experience on psychedelics, therefore the psychedelic is trying to tell me it's literally real". When you have an experience with psychedelics, you should think about how those experiences make you feel and what they could mean, because it's basically your subconsciousness trying to reveal feelings to you.

That said, it sounds like it had a positive impact on you. So think about why that is. And there's no harm in trying to find out whether you were conceived by rape, if that's what you want to do. As time goes on, the experience will settle with you and you'll come through it wiser.

I agree with what Everyone else is saying, but I would try to interpret that vision/hallucination like a psychologist. Psychedelics helps people to examine past trauma or stressors, and it sounds like you already knew you were adopted before the trip. I think the most logical explanation would be that you were worried (or at least curios) about who your birth parents are, so your altered mind concocted a narrative which could plausibly explain away your concerns. You could think about it like a Cognitive Psychologist who is interpreting recurring dreams. In that situation a therapist would not think of the dreams as literally true, but as metaphorical representations of an issue that is bothering you. Now some people would disagree with all that but I think it makes the most sense

 

[yepyepwoah]

Time is fluid, there is only Now.

Never doubt yourself, flow your heart always.

 

[Beenhead]

While the gist of what others have said must be heeded, there is no proof that a very profound vision like the OP had cannot be handed down from some otherworldly entity.

No, you did not witness your conception, nor do you have the capacity for a direct memory or other tangible evidence of your moment of conception. That dose not mean that, under some mechanism we do not understand useful and true information may be handed down or transmitted to a person in a trance state.
You may never know the answer, and it is a good idea to try and strip as much cultural and personal baggage from trips as possible and find meaning or advice therein. You can, however, extract what you will from the trip, just dont spend effort that could be used to better your situation on a dream you may never be able to prove.


I must say that I believe in god, that conciousness is merely allowed to be generated in the brain and that our soul exists outside the physical constraints of our reality and waking life.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

If you have issues with depression or other mental illness you shouldn't be tripping or using illegal drugs. They will make things 1,000x worse.

Be careful believing everything you see or experience on psychedelics as visuals or visions as completely without a doubt 1,000% factual.

The truth is you have no idea about your bio mum and bio dad, besides what you read about the bio dad no longer being alive. Can you find or contact your bio mum at all?

 

[Chris Timothy]

It's worth mentioning that a guy at NASA believes he can remember the moment in the womb the love connection dropped, when his mother knew she couldn't take care of him after birth.

There's no strong consensus on how memory works. We liken it, like we've always done throughout history, to the latest technology, digital localized storage. This might be completely off the mark. Biological storage might not be centralized, but rather all over the place, in which case the essence behind memory would be a deconstructionary function. There are conceivably no hard limits to how far back memory can go.

There's plenty of criticism to trusting memory. And it's valid in the sense that the deconstructionary givens gets reconstructed into a narrative, which in turn becomes a memory. And narratives can get extremely muddled and inconsistent, by outside or inside factors. But the actual memory, as it comes to the mind in quietude or on meditative performance enhancers, needs to be trusted. Any system, technological or biological, which cannot trust its memory, becomes reduced to inaction. You can't but trust it.

 

[Solipsis]

I think we pass on to our children the things we capitalize on which may be mostly our heritage of types of intelligence focused on and skill, and in a less manner epigenetics which may be some more circumstantial matters triggered by things that happen. However it seems that these things would happen to be rather powerful and somewhat universal and not some personal detail which would have zero bearing to our ancestors.

I am skeptical but still open-minded about this and would suggest that no a specific memory at the moment of conception involves too many specific and personal details to be able to be stored epigenetically and be recalled reliably. And before you let yourself get tempted by all the signs that draw you to a conclusion that this is in fact what happened you should also let yourself get balanced by all the experiences and signs that show how we also just fill in and generate semi-random and circumstantial matters when we are lacking better information and all of that draws us to conclude that any of such an experience may be imagined. There is too much we still need to find out about epigenetics.

Maybe the question is: what will you do if there is just as much possibility for accurate artifacts/experiences as imaginatory artifacts/experiences? What is more certain is that your mind is capable of generating the latter while the former is a mystery. For every person here who may have expored things that may seem accurate I can tell you I have explored matters of the mind that I just willed into mental hallucinatory existence.
Also it does NOT matter how impressive your vision was, because your brain seems to have circuits which trigger sensations of "impressive-ness". This is one of the reasons why you should not let yourself get dragged along by something impressive for too long - it can easily just be a mirage.

You should never trust anyone claiming to take you to any of these extremes, those would be zealots who for some reason are in denial about the whole world to the contrary.

In a world which gives so many possibilities and so few conclusive answers, perhaps it is better you start making your own closure and start a path of reliable therapy (there are many forms but actual therapy should pose a reliable method to healing one one way or another, and it may usually be through pain and not around it). I have tripped so much and have also went through plenty of therapy and for me the tripping type of therapy only works for finding wisdom NOT knowledge like you are looking for.... instead you are better off finding out why knowledge is not part of your solution anyway.

P.S. at more of the OP I have tripped so many times and yes I have had feelings of feminine mind, male mind which can be parts of yourself and (mental) rape before especially at very high dosages. Rape is of course being forced and invaded and since your mind is multiplicit you can do this to yourself (especially at high dosages of shrooms).

I think mcKenna had a lot of wisdom about a lot of things but you should not consider anybody to be an infallable guide and high dosages of shrooms can violate plenty of people. I believe he had the best at heart and may have been able to guide people through experiences at such dosages but that should not mean to just outright suggest it to any person at any setting, that is just irresponsible.

FFS I love a lot about this era so much but get some of these people off their pedestals thinking they can substitute for a tripsitting guide. Pedestals can be very harmful.

Last piece of advice if you're interested: yes knowing where you come from means a lot to a lot of people but they are basically crutches in many parts of life like knowing what to do at various levels of life. But ultimately the same principle applies that you have to live your own life and are not defined by where you come from. Your potential is what matters and learning to discover your qualities and making the best of them, again knowing where you come from can help make it easy but it is not essential and you should not believe that you require it. Explore your independent self and make the best of it, that way the sky's the limit.

 

[G_Chem]

I?m not sure this is completely out of the realm of possibility.. I have a memory of my mom having an alcohol WD seizure around age 1-2, and my memory started working good around 2 or so. I remember a lot of shit that I?m sure my parents thought I never would.

I understand conception is still quite a ways off but I believe it could happen.

As others have said, whether it?s true or not you?ll never know so don?t put too much weight into it unless the universe keeps bringing it back to your face, in which case I?d personally start to pay more attention.

That?s how I work with psychedelic revelations, I tend to leave them open to interpretation not putting much weight into my own perception as to what I thought took place.. Until.. The concept/idea keeps being presented to me. If I can?t seem to escape it, it means I?m meant to look.

-GC