Heroin addiction. I hope we make it out

[Kmccartttt]

It?s insane the things that we experience an go through as addicts. Hours of waiting to cop, leaving your wife at home with kids knowing damn well you shouldn?t be fucking up. This past 6 month relapse has brought me a lot of pain. I lost my job. I overdosed in the school parking lot which got me kicked out. Waking up every morning sick. Going to bed every night telling yourself tommorow is the day. It?s insane to because you actually believe it. If you were hooked up to a lie detector test staying you were going to take a sub in the morning, it would read true. I?ve had many the will power about 5 times this past month where I would finally induct a sub an then get 2,3,4 days under my belt to where I felt good. Then you forget the pain an go out an use. It?s a vicious cycle. Today I have 5 days on the subs again and feel good. I think it?s my time to shine again. The reason for writing this is I?m staring at the ceiling at 12:46 an can?t seem to sleep due to the racey thoughts an feeling like a loser. I remember laying in the hospital bed this past overdose an this one nurse acted treated me like a human being rather than some young 23 year old junkie. I had Asked her if she saw this a lot. She then told me the last two 23 year old patients didn?t make it. They narAnned them several times an then proceeded to put them on breathing machines so there families could come say their goodbyes an pull the plug. It?s just so sad. We CAN recover from this. MIND OVER MATTER. The mental part can kick your ass some days but what I learned it?s just don?t use that day. Tommorow is a new day. Idk where I?m going with this. I had to vent a little an speak my mind. I hope this helps some body. If you?re struggling don?t give up. Slide in my messages if you need someone to talk to!

 

[T. Calderone]

A lot of us have been through it, myself included. I've been on subs almost two months now from being a pain patient. I got tired of being treated like a criminal even though I had undergone a major surgery. Temptation is always in the back of my mind but we do get better. You can do this, just don't give up! Welcome to Bluelight. I'm going to move this to the Dark Side.

 

[Mafioso]

Hey Kmc, I'm glad you made it through that. There is definitely a lot of physical aspects to addiction and recovery, but some of it is a matter of mind over mind, so to speak. Things like cravings might invoke a physical response, but the root is in the brain and mind. How we think and the beliefs we hold will shape our feelings and behavior. Believing you are inadequate is going to lead to negative feelings and behavior will reflect that.

This is why meditation plays a big role in a lot of peoples' recovery. It's a way of getting control of the mind without using drugs. I've heard it referred to as a bicep curl for the mind. When you start to meditate usually the mind starts try to wonder and race off and go everywhere except focusing on breathing. It's in this process of catching yourself as you start to wonder and bringing yourself back to center in a non-judgmental way that you start to develop basic self-control and self-awareness. When something pulls you from center, you see what type of feelings the thoughts evoke but you just observe then put it aside and go back to center. Focus on breathing and posture. Eyes closed, deep breaths, straight back, chest out, chin tucked. When you become aware your attention has strayed from these things, observe and return. Eyes closes closed, deep breaths, straight back, chest out, chin tucked.

And when meditation isn't possible and things start getting too intense, I try to remind myself that feelings are not forever.

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

To the OP DON'T ever "feel like a loser" for messing up when you have been on heroin.
I've been on it now since 2001 & had it is the most hard drug to ever come off I swear this, the problem is it creeps upon you really slow & you have no idea how truly out of your depth you are till it is too late. The withdrawl pain is horrific & then after that is over with you then have to deal with PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawl Syndrome) & I will admit it on this part of BL I have been pushed to planning suicide several times to the point where I have my note done out & have the tools to take my own life (it was only down to my mom & how broken it would leave her I didn't do it)

Heroin addiction & all the issues that come with it is a really bad thing, don't ever look badly upon yourself for being "sick" & you are sick both mentally & physically, I don't mean that badly though as I am the same. When you look back upon the way you act when on heroin it is savage, we steal, lie, hurt family & friends, smoke or inject that hurts out body, give cash we don't have to dealers who to be blunt are the worst form of human scum all to block out life for some reason, I truly wish you the best with your battle.

Your path to being sober & clean will be hard enough believe me as I have been using since 2001 & tried many times to get clean, people who have no understanding of this drug will put you down enough & cuss you, thee is NO NEED for you to beat yourself up on the matter.

If I had to say anything to kinda help you it would be this & I mean it more than anything, heroin addicts who are decent folks in a general way are some of the most tough people I have come across, to have to deal with the kind of people we have to mix with on a daily event, to deal with the mental trauma we go through with PAWS, to also deal with the withdrawl pain makes us tough people, you are stronger than you think, keep going & I wish you the best.

I know I am only text on a screen but you ever want a private chat feel free to PM me, I mean this too!!!

Peace my friend

 

[Kmccartttt]

Bro thank you for this I needed it. This shit ain?t easy. I just had 10 days an went on a week bender now I?m at 28 where I?m inducting my first sub. Laying in bed hurtin. I took some jonnies so I feel alright but still sucks. But thanks bro a lot of people don?t get it man

 

[Ne0]

I think death is better than life of as an addict, at least I would commit suicide before I would fall as down as some people I've seen like in some documentaries. I can't comprehend how could they have gone through that shit for over 15 years, must be because they are very strong people mentally after all so give your'self some credits. But no offense of course to addicts, I'm addict too but never have fell so deep like some people and never will because then I just commit suicide.

 

[Chris42393]

I, unfortunately, relapsed about a week or so ago... Had surgery and then started back from there...due to the pain. Ive been struggling with opiates for a while now... Originally started in High School because of major surgery and have been using them ever since (on and off... but more on). I originally got off heroin about 7 months ago and moved to Kratom and was eventually trying to get off that, but something came up (surgery) and now I'm back on heroin. The 'darker side' of me absolutely loves it and the other 'good' half... is beating me up. I don't know if I'll ever be off.. I love it too much. It's not really a bad addiction, per se, but its there none the less. A lot of people have a beer at the end of their day. My 'beer' is a shot of heroin. I take my shot and then simply relax in bed and go to sleep. Thankfully I was just approved to use medical marijuana and am going to try to use that, to get me off again.