I want somewhere to type this out...

[aloneinthevoid]

So I just broke up with my girlfriend.Her name was Jasmine. We were together for 8 months. It's my first real break up. It's crazy how fast it went, we were so happy together one day and the next day we were fighting. I know how I get when I get angry and I'm the type of guy who sometimes raises his voice a little, not really yelling, but I make my voice sharper than usual, and I speak a little harsher than normal, so it didn't really help fix things. And there was no trust, at all, we had some problems and the trust between us was eventually broken. It's not like I was ever cheating or hiding things behind her back, aside from the occasional times I smoked weed behind her back and came off as dishonest when I told her about it. I get that our problems had causes and effects, my behavior led to a lot of it, but we could never resolve problems after a fight, so it made things extremely uncomfortable, and she was so oversensitive it didn't even make sense. If we were cuddling, and I moved my arm slightly or something she would take it as me not wanting to be with her and in her mind I just sent her a signal to move away, and then the shit would just escalate. But man she was great to be around when things were good. It's only the first few hours so it's not hurting like I expect it's going too I already know it'll hit soon. The best way to get over a girl is to get under another I guess. I loved the relationship when it was good, but the bad was starting out weigh the good and it sucked to see this happen before my eyes and see everything I thought I was doing right to solve the situation only make it worse. I think it was a good time to let go, I started to become unhappy and couldn't be myself in the relationship, plus the sex wasn't there like that so it didn't really make it any harder to stick around. I just wished it had worked out because honestly one thing I did like about her was that i could picture her having my kids one day, she would make an amazing mom. It WILL be hard to find one like her again, but man it really didn't feel worth it to keep trying...

Sorry,
I had to let this out somewhere..

 

[VastEmpty]

Hey alone!

i thought read in another post that this was your first serious relationship - did I understand that correctly? I know it’s probably really rough right now, and feeling like it will be hard to find someone like her again is common. That being said I’m not sure you should want to find another girl like her.

She sounds SUPER high maintenance and really pretty controlling. Moving your arm slightly results in her feeling like you no longer want to be with her? That sounds like she may need to do some growing up (and seek counseling) prior to embarking on another relationship. Human beings move their limbs without secret agendas...she seems to be attention seeking in all the wrong ways.

sorry if I sound unsupportive - that’s not my intent. I would just recommend that you spend time looking for a girl that has the exact opposite sort of traits you describe in this one - and that’s not even starting on her thinking you are childish cause of a bar fight (shit happens) and smoking a little weed here and there. If you already have this many issues 8 months in, this may save you a lot of pain in the long-run.

Best of luck alone! I hope that you are able to do something fun to get your mind off of it.

- VE

 

[Xorkoth]

VastEmpty is right, if you can't move your arm without a fight and feelings of abandonment, this girl is in no shape to be in a relationship with anyone. I ended up marrying someone who was similar, actually not even as bad as that but super controlling and would get mad at me for everything. We were together for 12 years, 18 when we got together, she was my world for a long time and it devastated me when we split but quickly I realized it was the only way forward. I'm SO much happier without that stress in my life and eventually I found someone else who is amazing, it's been over 4 years and we have never had a real fight, just some anger a few times that we talked through peacefully. I shudder to think that I could have stayed with my ex, now that I'm free. It is not normal for someone to interpret you moving your arm a certain way as abandoning her. I actually feel bad for the girl because she must really have issues, but that's some crazy shit that you don't need to deal with... it's not your responsibility to appease that sort of need.

I also hid drug use from my ex, I may have posted about it in your other thread. It was wrong of me, I should have just ended it long ago, but ultimately I did it because she tried to control everything, right down to what I chose to do with my own mind. You don't need that mess.

By the way, don't rush into another relationship... rebounds can be fun but if you get attached too quickly it's usually pretty messy.

 

[Shady's Fox]

If she was a minor some things could be understood though it wouldn't be fair to be with someone below your age, at least 18 to be an adult, if she was 18+ and had this childish behavior you actually did a great work, a smoke from my side but try and look for grow-ups & search for people which accepts you as who you are. Never look for mess, don't waste your time like that, doesn't worth.

Not much philosophy to be laid

 

[losangeles1993]

Bro trust me...I had my heart broken at 22 and was close to killing myself...but then I started hitting on every cute girl and I promise you if you approach them with confidence you will get 7 out of 10 numbers and fuck 3 or 4 out of the 7 ...trust me I know you don’t see it rn but this is a blessing in disguise...I’m here for you dude

 

[sarcophagus.heels]

Hey, so sorry that you're hurting - breakups are always hard. Sounds like this girl was extremely controlling....and in my experience, that behavior only escalates over time. It's going to be hard to see this as a blessing in disguise, but it sounds like this breakup was for the best. Good luck man, and take care of yourself - these wounds always take time to heal. Give yourself some time to pick the pieces back up - it can be messy to rush into another relationship too quickly. But I know that a couple of months after my own bad breakup, going out on a few dates/hookups really helped me to get my confidence back up and forget the asshole I used to date lol.

 

[aihfl]

Tds --> slr

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

Sorry that happened, but you should be really proud of yourself for getting out of a toxic relationship!
While going through a breakup, you should maintain no contact. There could be urges to text her when you feel lonely or miss her, but don't do it! You'll regret it. Trying to stay friends right after a breakup only causes more pain and you have to say goodbye all over again. I recommend blocking her if you haven't already.

Sometimes we start to romanticize the good things about the relationship and forget the bad which could cause you to try to reach out. You should write a list of the reasons you broke up and look at that when your mind plays tricks on you to only think of the good.

It'll take time to heal, but you'll be just fine! You made the right decision. ?

 

[w01fg4ng]

the bad was starting out weigh the good

That's the thing about relationships. If you want one, you have to take the bad with the good. If you can't handle a person being vulnerable and insecure around you, maybe you can't handle relationships.

she would make an amazing mom.

Damn bro. You fell for her HARD.

It sounds like you found what you were looking for and then when you realized it was going to be more work than you anticipated, you left.

I'm not sure how else to say this so I'll just say it, you played yourself.

 

[atara]

We were together for 8 months.

honestly this should be quick.
if she said some shit that's still bothering you, you should remember that the severity of someone's insults is usually determined by how good they are at insults and not anything about the other person. it's easy to come up with some acerbic shit to throw at anyone by playing on their insecurities.
my recommendation is to tell one/some of your irl friends that you broke up and you're not happy about it but don't tell them any details unless they ask and if they say some permutation of "do you want to talk about it" your answer is "not really" or however you say that in zoomer. unless they ask twice. see basically the idea is you don't ask for support and advice at the same time, because it makes people wade through negativity to answer.

also don't start drinking while the sun is out

 

[pofacedhoe]

there are more girls

if you two cant reslove an arguement how would it ever work?