Hey Ray, just read your post and wanted to my 2 cents. So the first thing I could relate to is your comment about thinking you can handle it this time and you are more mature. I have had several relapses, and I swear that was always my thought process; "I am different this time, more responsible - I can prevent it from getting out of control". For me, unfortunately, that was not the case any time. What I have found from my current sobriety is that thought is gone; I KNOW I am more mature and responsible and by knowing this I also know it is a bad idea to even creep down that fine line. A lot of times everything starts good and then maybe I feel compelled to tell a minor, irrelevant white lie and then the snowball gets bigger and bigger from there.
Why not try to get sober and then date her? I bet she'd really like you even more if you did that.
Another thing to think about, this works for me and I mean no offense to you personally at all. I don't know you, your age, preferences or situation so I am not and will not judge you. If you were cruising dating sites as a sober person with all their shit together would you want to date someone without a job or someone who is in the midst of a struggle?
Now I wanted to ask you, why do you need her in your life, especially as a girlfriend? Are you afraid to be single or do you just like being in relationships? Or do you feel like you need to be sexually active?
I mean FOR ME, the only reason I would even want a girlfriend is if I truly, truly felt by being with her she could help me improve myself and she could help me overcome my addiction. If that isn't 100% my angle, then I'm not sure there would be a point of being in a relationship while I am still under the grips of a substance. There are way too many cons than pros. All of that stuff is emotion and your mind playing tricks on you. There is a reason there is a honeymoon phase both in relationships and in a lot of drug addictions.
I wish you luck and only you can make the correct decision because only you know yourself and your situation. I am going to end with a couple of quotes I find relevant to this that were also very profound to my life.
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a persistent one."
"We experience ourselves our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us."
- Albert Einstein