Fam: London's gangster stars

[mal3volent]

ORDER LEVEL #4 INTIMIDATION

I think this problem requires swift and decisive action. Spuds a dud. I heard Chalky White is tight so I will most likely call him tonight...need him for personal business.

HARSH DON MAN DEM has that Clash aesthetic

By order of the prophet
We ban that boogie sound
Degenerate the faithful
With that crazy Casbah sound

 

[Xorkoth]

PRIVATE MESSAGE FROM USER WHO WISHES TO BE KNOWN AS:

"KERB"​

This is a pseudonym​

A question that is easy for KERB to ask, but difficult to answer

Kick 'im to the kerb, I say. What gives you the right to question our right to treat photos of real people as a spectacle purely for entertainment purposes?

KERB -> BERK -> BORK -> DORK -> FORK -> SPORK -> SPERK -> SPEK -> SPECK of dust is equivalent to your relevance to this thread, nerd

 

[leet]

#4 BFF Penultimate Episode FAM!

LONDON'S GANGSTER STARS​ INTRODUCING: JUSTIN "THE KID" DALEY​ "That's my family Mikey. It's not me" JUSTIN wants nothing to do with the "FAM BUSINESS" so enrolled himself into Central Saint Martins University in order to escape any potential involvement in crime. In truth, his father, TOP DOG doesn't want JUSTIN to be involved in the family's criminal enterprise either, and actually hopes he'll go into politics.​ EPISODE #3 WHICH CAT GETS THE CREAM?​

"When the dog's away, the cats will play"​

​

The FAM is without a leader. He's gone away for a bit. But everybody knows what to do anyway. He's just a figurehead right?

For this episode of FAM you are JUSTIN "THE KID" DALEY the YOUNGEST SON of the DALEY FAM, the straight guy. You are studying in University and want nothing to do with crime. Your housemate MIKEY is a handsome and intelligent boy, he finds you funny, warm and great fun to be with.

"Would you like a hug Justin?"​

Sadly MIKEY has made it clear to you that are permanently in the "friend zone" because of your FAM's criminal empire, and you will never leave that dark place.

But for you when he walks in a room the air rushes out. For you the sun shines brighter when he is around.

You help him pick out his clothes, you gawp at him getting dressed and you watch as he FLEXES before he goes on dates with other men.

You pathetic sap​

He has told you he despairs of meeting a man he can find true love with. His girl friends have told him online dating doesn't have to be scary. That it's one of the fastest growing ways to find love, that singles of every age, from every walk of life are trying internet dating; and in the UK alone, 5 million people have tried it. He is sold on the idea, and has signed up to GRINDR

He has a track record of dating completely unsuitable BAD BOYS. You of course being a student of Criminal Anthropology know how features like bald heads, beady eyes and long arms (for example) are red hot indicators of criminality.

Sitting by him on your two seater couch one hot summer evening, you can smell his KOUROS perfume, occasionally look at his long eyelashes without him knowing, you wonder why he has no V.P.L. and sometimes his leg rests against yours when you make him laugh; then he smiles and passes you his phone, and shows you the pictures of the men he wants to date and asks you for your honest opinion...

Aaaaaaaaaaand

You quickly realise that ALL the men he has chosen are CRIMINAL REPROBATES but only ONE of the following may have a SHRED of RESPECT for the love of your life, while the others are evil rotten bastards who will hurt, abuse and possibly MURDER your beautiful, sweet, sexy, gorgeous but oh so dim best friend in the most horrific manner.

This episode is a KOBAYASHI MARU scenario, in that ALL the mugs here are rotters, but one is a whole lot less rotten than the others, and will only break his heart leaving you to pick up the pieces, instead of breaking his arms, legs, neck and nose...

Of course if that happens you'll go RADIO FUCKING RENTAL CHICKEN ORIENTAL M8

But right now you don't want to appear JEL in front of MIKEY, so which one of the following are you going to recommend that your B.F.F. dates?

 

[mal3volent]

Honestly, I'm going to hook him up with JORDAN. He is the cutest of the bunch, so I won't appear jelly. I only want the best for him. But it is known that Sexy Mikey is dim as shit, and won't realize until it's much too late that JORDAN was born ASHLEY. Jordan isn't fully transitioned yet, and Mikey won't like that as he deathly afraid of vaginas.

 

[Xorkoth]

Matthew is known for being extremely unfaithful. That being said, his only crime is being a heartbreaker. So that's who I'm picking for my sweet little pudding pie Mikey Bieber.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

wait so who is in the lead thus far

 

[leet]

Thus far in the guise of GANGSTERS, players have made tactical decisions in the fields of:

MONEY LAUNDERING
PUNISHING CON ARTISTS
PROTECTION RACKETEERING
INTIMIDATION
DRUG DEALING
SPOTTING UNDERCOVER POLICE OFFICERS
STEALING FROM INTERNATIONAL DRUG CARTELS
TURF DISPUTE & ENFORCEMENT

The GANGSTER who has been most successful in this without attracting too much police attention or causing too much collateral damage, will enjoy a higher REPUTATION than the other GANGSTERS.

So FAM with the highest current REPUTATION; providing their HEAT is 9 or less is firmly in GANGSTERS PARADISE

HTH
♥

 

[w01fg4ng]

I hate him already but Michael is the lucky man.

 

[leet]

Bonus Mission #3 It's cool for cats

LONDON'S GANGSTER STARS​ A BUNCH OF GANGSTERS DOING A BUNCH OF GANGSTER SHIT JUSTIN "THE KID" DALEY​ "Gangsters? It's a business model like any other"​ BONUS EPISODE #3 ​

CATS WANNA BE GANGSTERS
TILL IT'S TIME TO DO GANGSTER SHIT​

The FAM is without a leader. He's gone away for a bit. But everybody knows what to do anyway. He's just a figurehead right?

For this bonus episode of FAM you are JUSTIN "THE KID" DALEY the youngest son of TOP DOG and the self appointed WAR BOSS of FAM

Up till now you have been opposed to the gangster lifestyle but suddenly can see the need. First that business with the MONEY LAUNDERING then the CHADWICK ESPLANADE debacle, the risks UNCLE DES took with the Cartel cocaine, and that hullaballoo with the CRACK HOUSE just a few doors down from your old MUM.

Normally in this situation you'd seek the advice of the TOP DOG but he's in the POUND, anyway you've been doing BUSINESS STUDIES in UNI you know what to do FFS.

Nobody but you can protect FAM and the ones you love. You have declared FAM as being on a WAR footing and taken over from KRISTIAN as CAPO BASTONE

(Secretly you are afraid you need FAM MUSCLE because MIKEY is probably dating a STEPNEY MAN DEM lackey who is going to fuck him over to get at you, no FAM yeah get at FAM...)

AND SO, ANOTHER GENERATION IS DRAWN INTO THE CRIMINAL LIFESTYLE...

You have diagnosed that the real problem with FAM is lack of planning, the five P's:

PERFECT PLANNING PREVENTS PATHETIC PERFORMANCE​

GAME MECHANICS
0 - 100 random number generator will be used.
0 will be regarded as CRITICAL FAIL and a SECRET PENALTY will apply.
100 will be regarded as CRITICAL SUCCESS and a SECRET BONUS will apply.
You can CHOOSE to do ALL; PART OF; or NONE of these missions.
FREE CHOICE!

You've just completed a H.N.D. in Business Studies. Modern day gangsters like any other commercial enterprise need targets, guidelines, budgets, key performance indicators, appraisals and so on.

You've done spreadsheets on Excel

It's time for a bit of MICRO MANAGEMENT

TUTI NANG
Mission:
3.1 SHOPLIFTING IN OXFORD STREET

You haul in:

and her bitches

And explain after costs are deducted (weed, pills, coke, legal aid and protection) between them they are only making 20% profit per week and need to up their game.

SAMMY X currently SHOPLIFTS at a RISK FACTOR of 20% giving FAM 10% PROFIT per week
Every 10% you increase her RISK FACTOR ups her PROFIT to FAM by 10%

THE TOOTS currently SHOPLIFT at a RISK FACTOR of 35% giving FAM 10% PROFIT per week
Every 10% you increase their RISK FACTOR ups their PROFIT to FAM by 10%

Every 10% extra PROFIT you can squeeze from SHOPLIFTING will gain you +10 on REPUTATION. If SAMMY X gets caught it will not affect your HEAT. If the TOOTS get caught your HEAT goes up +2, as they will sing like little birds.

Example:
You decide THE TOOTS will now SHOPLIFT at a RISK FACTOR of 55%, if they score 55 or higher they are successful and they will bring FAM an additional 20% PROFIT and add +20 to FAM REPUTATION.

If they score 54 or lower they are caught, and there is no increase in FAM REPUTATION but FAM HEAT goes UP by +2 and this wing of THE TOOTS are removed from FAM roster.

Using your skill and judgement please state by how much you wish to increase THE INDIVIDUAL RISK FACTOR of your two respective SHOPLIFTING TEAMS.



FAM
Mission:
3.2 PEOPLE SMUGGLING FROM EUROPE

You haul in:

And explain after costs are deducted his last run only made 25% profit and he needs to up his game.

DICK-PEDRO currently SMUGGLES FIVE Romanians a week at RISK FACTOR of 40% giving FAM 25% PROFIT per week
Every extra person smuggled increases his RISK FACTOR by 8% and ups PROFIT to FAM by 10%

Every 10% extra PROFIT you can squeeze from PEOPLE SMUGGLING will gain you +20 on REPUTATION. If DICK-PEDRO gets caught your HEAT goes up +2.

Example:
You decide DICK-PEDRO will now SMUGGLE an extra TWO Romanians a week, at a new RISK FACTOR of 56%, if he is successful he will bring FAM an additional 20% PROFIT and add +40 to FAM REPUTATION.

If he is caught, there is no increase in FAM REPUTATION but FAM HEAT goes UP by +2 and he is removed from FAM roster.

Using your skill and judgement please state how many additional Romanians above 5 you wish to import to U.K. in your PEOPLE SMUGGLING FROM EUROPE caper.


SNITCH
MINUS 3 HEAT
USING:

SNITCHING

Should FAM wish to adjust the current level of HEAT, an ANONYMOUS meeting with D.I. DON "BEECHY" BEECH to SNITCH will result in the arrest and criminal investigation of DICK-PEDRO & THE PEOPLE SMUGGLING FROM EUROPE caper

For this mission only SNITCHING reduces HEAT by 3 points as plod expend their time and efforts elsewhere and BEECHY spends the Crime Stoppers reward for the successful closure of the PEOPLE SMUGGLING caper.

HARSH DONS
Mission:
3.3 INTERNET BANKING SCAMS

OMAR is FAM's computer expert and internet scammer, he has been working on Pension scams lately. Thanks to changes in the law people nearing retirement are able to draw down all their pension in one go if they wish. OMAR advises them on investments, then the cash vanishes, as does OMAR (hopefully).

OMAR has a low risk, low return scheme running, each successful scam has only a 20% chance of being traced back to OMAR.

Your spread sheet shows that a 10% riskier method of trading will net an additional 50% profit for FAM also increasing your REPUTATION score by +10.

What you don't know is that OMAR will only increase his risk to 40% chance of FAIL but will not admit this. If OMAR does get caught FAM will suffer an increase of +2 to HEAT as OMAR feels he cannot go to jail, even though he would do easy time there.

SNITCH
MINUS 2 HEAT
USING:

SNITCHING

Should FAM wish to adjust the current level of HEAT, an ANONYMOUS meeting with D.I. DON "BEECHY" BEECH to SNITCH will result in the arrest and criminal investigation of OMAR AND THE PENSION SCAM

For this mission only SNITCHING reduces HEAT by 2 points as plod expend their time and efforts elsewhere and BEECHY spends the Crime Stoppers reward for the successful closure of the INTERNET PENSION SCAM caper.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

I choose Stephen. Despite the bent as fuck nose, he's a straight shooter.

And 3.2 - People smuggling. I currently have no HEAT on me, so might as well go for the big money.

 

[Xorkoth]

I like the randomness factorbeing added in. Roll them d-100s!

Mission 3.1: Good ol' Sammy X should operate at 60%. The Toots should stick to 35%.

Mission 3.2: Although human smuggling isn't my favorite thing, I recognize an opportunity when I see one. He should smuggle in 6 Romanians this week.

Mission 3.3: Omar's risk factor should be 30%.

I try to play a middle of the path game here. Decent chance of success without too much chance of epic failure.

 

[leet]

Private Message received from KERB

Yo man I acknowledge and reluctantly applaud the effort being made in bringing the futility of crime to the forum but speaking as a decent caring HUMAN BEING I feel it's not ethical to play. How can it ever be? The thread fucking encourages its participants to act as judge, jury, executioner and exploiter of unfortunates.

I can't comprehend why the thread hasn't been closed.

Which is a fair point

 

[Xorkoth]

I find Kerb's attitude prigish and whingey and because of that I violently oppose him and everything he believes in and will fight to the death to ensure he fails at all of his endeavors both current and future. If he slips another such message into your PM box I will personally travel into the past and undermine all of his past endeavors as well.

 

[swilow]

I'm starting to think kerb is part of the game and needs to be immediately taken out as a precautionary measure. Given this PC overlord has concealed their identity I will adopt the old cry of the crusaders and just start killing in the knowledge that God/Top Dog will know her own.

 

[leet]

Private Message received from KERB

Extract of video posted on Tim Westwood TV by Stepney Man Dem

I'm the brightest star the sky ever displayed
My lite puts Shadowmeister in the shade

Shade

Kerbdawg barked a warning
All the bitches brayed
Kerbdawg going to put Shadowmeister in the shade

Shade

Kerbdawg is the biggest alligator
That ever cruised this parade
Kerbdawg is going to put old Shadowman in the shade

Shade

Kerbdawg's strap says BANG! BANG!
Shadowmeister's got a blade
Kerbdawg's gonna put Shadowmeister in the shade

Shade

 

[leet]

 

[mal3volent]

3.1 Sammy 70%.
The Toots 45%

3.2 Pedro +2 Romanians

3.3 Omar +10% riskier method

 

[leet]

 

[leet]

 

[Captain.Heroin]

sammy 100% I trust her
toots = 0% a group is too noticeable in the shoplifting game unless you are willing to throw one under the bus.

+5 romanians

Omar = 100% success rate only. I don't trust anyone named Omar too thoroughly. I want the sure payout.