Mental Health Just got out of the hospital

[cj]

My life for the last year has been very boring. My depression gradually increased as I isolated more and more. After awhile i only left the house once a week to see my therapist. In the last month I had began self harming again. Deep cuts to my arms and legs.

It came to a head Wednesday. I tried to cut the artery in my wrist with a razor blade. I drew a good bit of blood but I realized quickly this was a very impractical way to commit suicide. So I called my therapist who then called my mom to take me to the hospital.

I went to a big university hospital in my city where I had been before. I took a big dose of Ativan before going in because I knew I wasn't leaving. The admission part was a blur but I woke up two days later sober in the phych ward.

This is a really nice hospital. We had a full gym with basketball an hour a day. There is an outside patio connected to the unit you live and eat on. The food is as good as hospital food can get. Lots of snacks through the day. It's a great place. The social workers and therapist are great too. Lots of fun education groups painting, crafts, music therapy. I'm lucky my city has such a good place.

They switched up my meds. I'm on lithium now which seems to be working well. I don't want to die anymore. They also helped me convince my family that I needed to move. So I'm leaving for Minnesota next week.

I'm pretty excited. I just wanted to post my experience for anyone who might feel they need to go. It can be scary. But they aren't all bad. I do recommend a university hospital if you can get to one.

If anyone has questions I'll answer whatever

 

[Xorkoth]

Wow man, I'm glad you're still with us. Sometimes moving can do a whole lot to change your life. It's scary and intense and it takes some serious adjustment, but sometimes that adjustment is precisely what you need.

 

[checktest]

That is good that you had a beneficial experience and are getting some traction on change! Moving can bring really about a new period of life. I have a buddy who was in Minneapolis for a while (from NH) and enjoyed the city, winters and all. Sounds exciting. Lithium can definitely be good for suicidal thoughts and actions.

There are some good psych hospitals out there, and not everyone has some frightening or dehumanizing experience like you sometimes read online. I generally had good experiences, and I needed to be in the hospital as I was a significant danger to myself. There can be some genuinely good people in psych hospitals. Of course there are bad experiences and situations as well, but that is easy to read elsewhere.

Good luck with the move! Yeah, hospitalization is a valuable resource, good hospitals.

 

[Troglodyte]

I work at a psych hospital, and i and most of the staff do thier best to be there for people, to humanize the person while theyre going thru a process that can be dehumanizing, to make them comfortable, and to let them know they matter. I dont get paid well, i just find that helping people is the most satisfying and life affirming thing that i've found to do so far. I advise people to check a place out first if possible, to make sure it's somewhere they'll be comfortable.

Cj, im so happy to hear that, well, first that you didn't succeed with that blade, and that you had a positive experience at the hospital, and that it sounds like your stabilized and feeling better with something big to look forward to. Good for you, seriously! Do you know anyone in minnesota? what made you choose it? Just curious, i've heard really good things from people whove gone there.

 

[fairnymph]

^^^You're such an awesome person. Every new post just makes me respect you more.

Cj - I don't know you very well yet, but I'm so glad you're still with us & that your situation is improving with no signs to the otherwise. Sharing your experience will undoubtedly help countless people & I'm impressed by how considerate & caring you are, such that despite going through serious problems & changes personally, you're thinking of how to help others & successfully doing so. That demonstrates the truly amazing calibre of your character. You're a genuine Mensch, as we say here, & the world is lucky to have you.

Please continue to keep us appraised of your situation & overall state of mind+body. I agree that moving can ultimately be VERY therapeutic & I hope the whole process goes smoothly & isn't too stressful. I've moved almost 30x in my life, all over, so if I can provide any insight just let me know. I learned the hard way how best to move - eventually! - & I'd like to spare you any unpleasantness if I can. And help you make the most of your future existence, ofc. I take it you'd wanted for some time to move; whom will you be living with there, if anyone, in what kind of area? Whom do you know there who can provide support? What opportunities will there be for you there? It's SO good that you have this to look forward to & inspire you.

What exact meds are you on now? Any other med changes planned?

 

[cj]

I don't know anyone in Minneapolis and I've never been there. A couple reasons I chose there. Good public transportation, not known for its open air drug markets, big music and art scene, the sober living places accept people on Suboxone and its not crazy expensive. I mean I had to pick somewhere so I kinda just picked there and went with it.

I'm going to live in a sober living house to start with. Hopefully I can find a job and get out on my own pretty quickly.

I'm on 450mg lithium 300mg wellbutrin 2mg Suboxone and I have an ativan script I take as needed

 

[cj]

Well you hit on my biggest fear fairynymph. I won't have a support system there when I arrive. It will have to be built up. That's why I need sober living. I'm hoping that will give me some support while I establish myself

 

[fairnymph]

That all sounds really good. I think the sober living house could provide great support, & you won't even have to leave home. Plus you'll still have BL, & other remote support, so I wouldn't worry too much. What sort of job do you plan to pursue?

Meds sound good IMO.

Btw, it's fair nymph.

 

[cj]

My bad on the misspelling no disrespect intended fairnymph.

My normal job is to wait tables. But I am going to try and wiggle my way into the rehab industry somehow. Eventually I want to open my own sober house or rehab. One that uses evidence based practice

 

[fairnymph]

No worries.

Do you enjoy working with people?

 

[cj]

Yeah I do enjoy working with people. But I'm an introvert. Kind of a weird daichotemy there I know. I guess it's more that I like helping people.

 

[fairnymph]

Yeah that's the vibe I got from you. It's not weird, either - my legal dad was a grief counsellor & psychiatric nurse & he's the most introverted neurotypical person I know, but he's an excellent therapist, really empathetic & a great listener. I very often find myself drawn to extreme introverts with such traits, bc they are IMO like hidden gems. Often undervalued but with so much to offer the world (I'm very extroverted, so I think there's also an element of opposites attract, seeking out what I'm lacking etc). Introverts shine one on one, & tend to form deeper, more meaningful connections,

So I think working with addicts would really suit you. Personally I feel that one reason psychiatrists often aren't very successful is due to their typical lack of personal experience with mental health. It's a big part of why I wanted to pursue psychiatry. Obviously you can help someone without personal experience, but IMO it helps immensely. There are just certain things that are difficult if not impossible to fully understand without having experienced them (like certain drugs, addiction, depression etc). Plus, it just makes you more passionate about the topic. Are any of those running the sober living house where you're moving to ex/recovering addicts? I don't know much about how such houses are generally run.

 

[cj]

The house I am moving into is run by a guy in recovery from heroin addiction. I wouldn't trust someone to run one who wasn't an addict. Their is a lot of room for exploitation when your dealing with people in early recovery and I would question the motivations of a neurotypical person running one.

Thanks for the kind words. Your legal dad sounds like a good person. It takes so much empathy to work everyday with people going through the worst moments of their lives. It's so obvious from the patient perspective to tell who cares and who is burned out and there to draw a paycheck.

I've got to help myself first but one day I am going to finish my social work degree. I want to be a counselor at a methadone clinic. When I first got on methadone I had this grisled old dude as my counselor. He had seen it all and didn't take any bullshit. But he was the most compassionate counselor I've ever had and I honestly believe he saved my life. The last session we had before he switched jobs he told me I needed to be on his side of the desk and that I could when I got my shit together. I held onto that encouragement through some dark times. I want to be that person for someone else.

 

[Stargazer]

Hey cj . Glad you're ok. Sorry to hear of what you went through.

Really glad you're ok.

 

[cj]

Hey cj . Glad you're ok. Sorry to hear of what you went through.

Really glad you're ok.

Thank you. The support from you and everyone else means a lot. Things are really looking up right now I think

 

[Stargazer]

It sounds like it. The way you described the treatment your receiving from there hospital sounds promising.

Moving also sounds great. I wish I was in the position to as well. And actually, living in a well run sober house also sounds good.

I believe you have alot of to look forward to. I'm excited for you. ?

 

[Stargazer]

**treatment you "received"

 

[aihfl]

Hey CJ, have you left for MSP yet? Things have been going well at the IOP for me. They gave me another UA at the next session and it was completely clean so I'm still there. One therapist is great (glad she's also the one I see one-on-one) and the other so-so but still ok. The psychiatrist is useless (she's the one that wanted me out of their IOP) but it doesn't much matter because I have my own pdoc and he's great.

Glad to hear that your inpatient experience was good. My detox sucked. No phone calls for the first three days and they don't let you do jack shit while you're in detox. I couldn't go over to yoga on the residential side and I couldn't go to the gym. I didn't stay for residential because 1. I can't afford any more time out and 2. it's just way too restrictive. Only three phone calls a week and they dangle a fourth in front of you as a reward for going to all your groups. I would burn up my three calls just getting bills paid, let alone talking to family. And the food was mostly shit (thank God for salad bars). It was nice to have a TV in the room, but I couldn't really focus on anything on TV. It would have been nice to have a book, plus as depressing as the place was, it would have been really fucking depressing to just spend it holed up in my room. The only really positive thing was that it's the first place I've detoxed that had real mattresses instead of those rubber ones, so at least the beds were comfortable, but the place was the temperature of a meat locker, and one of the techs told me I had the coldest room on the unit. I slept in my clothes under three blankets and I would still wake up with my teeth chattering.

Anyway, we're here for you. Keep me posted on your new life either here or by phone/text.

 

[cj]

I'm sorry your experience sucked like that. I was in the phych ward so it wasn't geared towards drugs or detoxing. I find it makes a huge difference in quality of care.

I filled out the final stuff for the sober living program. If they accept me I'll leave in about 2 weeks maybe sooner. I have alot of hope. I have an amazing therapist who has helped me convince my family it's a good plan and she has worked to find me this awesome sober living spot. They offer in house therapy, groups, and individual, they will also drive me around for the first month to get my phychiatrist and other med stuff set up.

For the first time in forever I'm hopeful about the future

 

[Xorkoth]

That makes absolutely no sense to me that they wouldn't let you do anything to occupy yourself like reading a book, or even exercise (yoga). But you could watch TV? Seems SO counterproductive and unnecessary. And not letting you make phone calls to pay your bills? Plus the cold... I always get extra cold withdrawing from things. Sounds like whoever was running that detox wants to punish drug addicts...