I only have these three friends (real life); one has bipolar, one doesn't have any mental health issues, this friend has experienced depression and anxiety (mildly but has experienced it but it's not like a regular thing for him, I guess seasonal) and has ADD. And this friend, besides his mom, I think I'm the only person he has talked to about seasonal depression. I'm very intuitive and could tell one time when I was living further away that something was off with him and he's not great with messaging so, despite beinig crazy sick, I drove an hour with some excuse and saw him and, sure enough, he was going through a depression phase. I haven't known him long enough to know that it was depression but I could sense that something was wrong. And we talked and it was. And we discussed it. And then he was okay for like a bit. Then he got it again. And I was living closer so I was able to be there a bit more and talk to him about therapy and I looked up some therapists that I thought would be good for him since he's never been to therapy and kinda explained how it worked and stuff like that. He's broke so I was finding resources that could help with that too. But I'm pretty sure I'm the first friend he opened up to about this.
He finally explained why he wanted to end the friendship. A lot of shit had happened in my life when I met this friend and it was just bad luck really and I couldn't control it but had a lot of stuff and this friend had no obligation but still (I warned him because like my life was and is fucked up) he helped me and was there for me. But he says I bring drama into my life and that I like it. I don't know why I attract drama, i think that's BPD characteristic (which I've only known about for two years). I guess when I go into BPD crazy mode I do stupid stuff. I feel like that's another person and I'm literally trying to work on that and he knows that! He says since we are closer he is starting to pick up the negative traits that I have (we all have negative traits) and now he seeks out drama and I don't really understand that. I don't pick up traits like that from others. And apparantly I talk to him too much and expect him to like solve my problems and all that which I may talk to him too much okay then I can reduce that and I don't expect him to solve my problems. And he doesn't like how I take one small issue and it feels like a big issue - THAT IS BPD FOR YOU! Like I can't explain that one much better.
This all just happened so suddenly and I didn't know he thought any of that about me. And I don't know why he didn't tell me any of this before so that I knew it was an issue. I told him I didn't have much experience with friendships and that this is new to me and just talking to me about whatever is going on.... so when all of a sudden he just stopped talking to me like I had no clue. Then he says that stuff. Of course I respect that he has his own life and I never expect him to put my life over his. I can't change the fact that I'm extreme and intense. That's me. But like some things are easy to solve that he mentioned that IDK why he didn't say anything sooner because they are.
But then it's like, I don't want to be so pathetic as to beg for a friend. He says we can talk. But this stuff effects me a lot. I don't have family, these are the closest three friends I have and to lose one out of three is a lot. Especially the one I hang out with the most becuase all three are in different cities.
But if he just ends it... we also are in the exact same scene and will see each other. I'm known to people as his friend because he introduced me to a lot here. But I know I'll get mad and I don't want to cuz he is a good person but I'll end up messing up his life. I don't see how I'm putting his life in a bad place. I'm so supportive of him and his goals and he asks me for advice and stuff and I give feedback and he helps me too and I was able to get him a part time job which he has bailed on which puts me in a bad position (I trusted him) and now he wants nothing to do with me so he's trying to find a job elsewhere (which is hard for him due to his education/job history) and I don't get why he is going that more difficult route when he has something here.
I probably care way too much about my friends but I just like to see them be happy and succeed and I never even think about anything else. So this is a huge deal for me. I think I'm being a good friend and then all of a sudden, this?
He has said things about my life and how maybe I'm approaching it not the right way and I've thought about it and changed. Because he made a good point and a good suggestion. I don't just listen and follow blindly, I think about it. But I'm trying to improve my life and I know he is too and I thought we were both helping each other with that (along with being friends). Our problems are very different but we can help each other out and I liked that. I worry about his problems too but that's my problem/issue if it consumes too much of my time.
We just connected and became close and I've shared some personal information about my past to him that I haven't felt comfortable with sharing with others. And we have good times together like we party together and we can also just chill together and be honest with each other and that's a good friendship I think.
IDK what bugs me is like I told him about the BPD from the beginning when we started getting close because I know that it hurts when people leave so if it's too much I want them to leave before they mean anything to me. But he stayed. But then like he knows about this mental health issue, he knows I'm working on it. He has seen me in all states but not aimed at him. Well this time it gets aimed at him and it's like a surprise that I'm emotional over it? I don't know.