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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

I was given methamphetamine in water. Plese help

I'll try to make this brief, but it's a personal story that demonstrates the power of the mind over the body in the face of trauma.

When i was 12 or 13, i stole a bunch of weed from my parents oz+ stash. I wasn't experienced with it. I rolled a tremendous cheech and chong sized joint, i didn't even know to remove the seeds. then around 6:30AM, before school, i decided to go around the side of my house and devour that joint, playing chicago with myself, holding each huge hit as long as i can, then exhaling and then immeditely taking the next, all the way down to the roach...Then i ate the roach(i didn't know what the hell i was doing back then, clearly), then i went inside and took 5 shots of scotch whiskey. Not sure what i was going for really, amusing in retrospect. Then i tried to go to school. the bus came and i walked outside, made it about 1/3 of the way across my lawn when it all hit me at once. i fell to my knees, and was then crawling to the bus, then i knew that wasn't happening, and i turned around and crawled back toward my house. By the time i got in the door, i had vertigo so bad i couldn't crawl. i was on all fours buut i kept toppling over sideways. Then the anxiety exploded, but i didn't know at the time that it was anxiety, nor did i undersstand the true strength of anxiety. I needed a reason for what was happening to me, as i didn't think some weed and booze could do that to me. so i convinced myself that my parents weed was laced. i tried to crawl up the stairs, and after a miserable and frantic 20+ minutes, i finally made it up a single flight of stairs and down the hallway toward my parents room, cuz i was shitting myself. i thought i was gonna die. I woke them up from a dead sleep with a weak and timid voice, "Mom...Mom", "what is it" she responded groggily, "Is your pot laced?", "What???", "Is your pot laced with anytrhing, i took some and i think i'm dying...".

The pot wasnt laced of course, but i was convinced it was. i wouldn't beleive otherwise. Still convinced i was going to die, i crawled into my room and laid down onmy bed, at which point i felt my body rising up toward the ceiling, then being thrust downward thru the bed, repeat. I was almost out of my body, then thrust back in. And all i could do was clench my eyes shut as tight as possible, clench my fists, and hang on, convinced i'd die the whole time. Hours went by before it abated.

It doesn't sound like such a big deal, but to me it was pure trauma. And that trauma triggered a terrible Obsessive compulsive disorder and panic disorder in me that lasted for years and destroyed my life, reducing it to cycles of hand washing til the skin bled, not being able to eat anything that wasn't air tight sealed from the manufacturer and if i did eat something and then later found out it wasn't sealed, i'd freak out with a massive panic attack(which was clearly a subconscious response to thinking that i was poisoned by laced weed, by somethig being put into my body without my knowledge... sound familiar?) i had panic attacks 6-12x a day where i thought i was dying again and my face would go numb, i'd get tunnel vision, my extremeties would tingle, and all i could do, wherever i was, was hit the floor, pull tight into a ball, and clench my fists as tightly as possible until it passed. It seriously messed up my life..

In this situation there's no one to blame but me and youthful ignorance. But your situation is different in that respect. I finally did get mental health care. Outpatient talk therapy plus prozac and clonopin. The prozac took a few months, but it completely fixed the problem, and the therapy helped me understand what was going on and to recalibrate to move forward. Now, years later, i've done almost every drug i've heard of and i can walk thru Manhattan then lick the bottom of my shoes if i wanted...i mean i dont, but im illustrating a point here. Thanks to proper care, my life went from a daily living hell, back to something more livable.

Getting slipped something, or even thinking you were slipped something in certain situations, can be very damaging and traumatizing. I hope you get help for the feeling that keep rising up in you, because, unresolved, they can morph into far worse mental and somatic issues. Good luck

And thank you fairnymph, i sincerely appreciate that
 
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Troglodyte said:
Nutty is right, The body is very, very resilient. i think your anxiety has you spinning out. i've been around and ive never heard of anyone getting organ damage from a single use, or even weeks of using meth, even in very large doses. as you saw, your kidneys are fine. the rest of you is too. Remember, anxiety's first move is to spike your pulse and bp, then it can do a whole host of other psychosomatic symptoms, including pretty much everything you've been experiencing. I'm not putting down or devaluing the way you feel, i'm just pointing out that anxiety can cause literally all of those symptoms too. And anxiety is very normal and makes perfect sense in your situation. if i had never done meth and this happened to me, my anxiety would have me freaking out too.

But your girl crossed a major line, and you feel you were to blame because you knew she had problems... you are not to blame for being slipped a drug. Get that out of your head. You did not know it was happening, and even if you knew she was a tweaker, you are not responsible for the action she took here. you feel violated, and you were. But that's a very difficult and traumatizing feeling. Rather than the hospital, I think you might be better off finding a psychologist and talking about the emotions that are rising inside of you. Basically, everything was fine, your living your life, then BAM, she pulled the carpet out from under you, violated your trust, violated your body, violated your relationship, and violated your autonomy. These things can be damaging, emotionally scarring. I really urge you to find therapy to work this out. Your world seems to have been turned upside down, but it seems your anxieties are your worst enemies now, and maybe your ex too. Your upheaval is legitimate, caused by being so wronged by someone you trusted and from having something in your body that you didn't put there and weren't ready for. your body is ok, but the feeling that are arising are what you should get help in parsing, understanding, and dealing with healthily.
Click to expand...

Thanks man!!!

That actually made me feel better.


I still feel hot. And I feel like my head is fuzzy. How long will that last??

I have done reasearch and it says, my Dopamine receptors are now permnently damaged....in a sense it feels that way (Loss of motivation to do things etc). Is this true?


Thanks again for the replies, this forum is great.
 
1x doing meth won't permanently damage your DA receptors; you are not a rat that was injected with a crazy high dose. You will be fine in a few days. Orally is the safest way to do it too.

I once took some 4-MAR (another strong stim), orally as I prefer, & it was WAY too much. I felt absolutely horrible in every way & out of my mind. I also had the overheating issue. I was so freaked I almost had my then BF take me to the ER, & I'm not at all prone to freaking out on drugs & love stims. But I was back to normal 72hrs after initial ingestion.

Drink plenty of water & eat plenty of good protein. It will help you bounce back faster. But really the hospital should have given you a few benzos.
 
The hospital gave me a one week course of Ativan.


Thank your for your post, that is my biggest worry about my DA receptors
 
I know this sounds antithetical to harm reduction but don't do "research."

You aren't permanently damaged, if you let this unfortunate incident stick in your head you can make yourself believe you are permanently damaged but if are able to move on then i know you can make a 100% recovery.
 
Troglodyte said:
Nutty is right, The body is very, very resilient. i think your anxiety has you spinning out. i've been around and ive never heard of anyone getting organ damage from a single use, or even weeks of using meth, even in very large doses. as you saw, your kidneys are fine. the rest of you is too. Remember, anxiety's first move is to spike your pulse and bp, then it can do a whole host of other psychosomatic symptoms, including pretty much everything you've been experiencing. I'm not putting down or devaluing the way you feel, i'm just pointing out that anxiety can cause literally all of those symptoms too. And anxiety is very normal and makes perfect sense in your situation. if i had never done meth and this happened to me, my anxiety would have me freaking out too.

But your girl crossed a major line, and you feel you were to blame because you knew she had problems... you are not to blame for being slipped a drug. Get that out of your head. You did not know it was happening, and even if you knew she was a tweaker, you are not responsible for the action she took here. you feel violated, and you were. But that's a very difficult and traumatizing feeling. Rather than the hospital, I think you might be better off finding a psychologist and talking about the emotions that are rising inside of you. Basically, everything was fine, your living your life, then BAM, she pulled the carpet out from under you, violated your trust, violated your body, violated your relationship, and violated your autonomy. These things can be damaging, emotionally scarring. I really urge you to find therapy to work this out. Your world seems to have been turned upside down, but it seems your anxieties are your worst enemies now, and maybe your ex too. Your upheaval is legitimate, caused by being so wronged by someone you trusted and from having something in your body that you didn't put there and weren't ready for. your body is ok, but the feeling that are arising are what you should get help in parsing, understanding, and dealing with healthily.
Click to expand...

Thank you!!!
 
You gotta chill man. Have you ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorders or ocd? You might benefit from getting some help because your reaction is quite extreme. I say this as someone who suffers from generalized anxiety disorder among other things.

falsifiedhypothesi said:
I know this sounds antithetical to harm reduction but don't do "research."
Click to expand...

Indeed... Doing internet research about symptoms is a good way to convince yourself you have cancer. lol
 
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Im very happy my experience could help you in some way.

Think about this for a moment. People do lots of meth, some people use occasionally, some chronically, but if it caused all of the things that your scared of and all the symptoms your feeling, do you really think people would want to do it? If doing meth could just destroy you, think about all the people who use it often, theyd be dead, or at least maimed after a week of use, but people use for years with no issue. It is mildly neurotoxic, yes, but not with 1 use, and remember, you have 100 billion neurons. If you lost 10 you would never ever know the difference, but you probably weren't effected by it with a single dose. And again, if it was that neurotoxic, long term users would be brain dead, and thier not.

I'm guessing you were exposed to a lot of the governments propaganda/smear campain about meth. yes, those disheveled toothless people exist, but it is far from the normal user, they did A LOT of meth for a long tiime, and your not about to transform into one of them. i promise. Generally people use it and you'd never be able to tell. There is the errant idiot who will stay up for a week and a half and be nuts and erratic(i was in close quarters with such for a while... no bueno) but that is not relevant to your situation. even adderall has a slight toxicity, and they put kids on it and many stay on it for most of thier lives. I'm one of those and i'm here writing to you, coherently and with thought. I also used meth when i lived down south in asheville, and im fine. your fine. but i again urge you to seek out a good therapist and psychiatriast. The trauma you endured is causing a lot of distress in you, but i do believe the residual symptoms you describe are the product of your own mind. our minds are very powerful, and we are definitelty not aware of all that goes on up there. If you dont believe me, look up cases of split brain patients who'v had thier corpus callosum cut to alleviate epilepsy. half the brain has a mind of it's own. This same type of auto response from the depths of the brain can definitely cause very physical symptoms. I know it's hard to believe, but your mind can raise your blood pressure, cause pain, cause just about anything. You don't want this trauma to instill a deep groove in you that changes the way you think and/or makes you far more susceptible to somatic symptoms. There's absolutely no shame in seeking mental care. i do, most peolple i know do. And i really think you should, because the meth isn't effecting you anymore, and it didn't damage you. It doesn't work like that. but your quite upset, which is totally natural and reasonable given the situation, but that upset is turning physical and manifesting as somatic symptons. Thats gonna make life harder if it continues. there are people that can help. pls find them, psychaitrists and therapists. they can help you move past this and and change the obsessive thoughts your having. good luck man, you were seriously wronged, but you can rise above it and continue your life. I wish you the best
 
I think I didn't see anybody suggesting this yet, so:
Do some physical exercise, not maximum intensity, like if you were trying to set a PR or competing, but intense.
Ideally some weight lifting and some circuits (combination of burpees, short sprints, clean and press, kicking the heavy bag) after that.
Do this at least 3x weekly but I think 5x would be better.
Guaranteed to make your sleep easier and longer, and reduce your anxiety.

I'm convinced that the symptoms you have and are experiencing where originated during the meth high, because I'm pretty sure being unknowingly slipped a stim that you would never have taken otherwise will trigger loads of negative thoughts during the high as you have mentioned, and when the effects would wear off, the idea alone of being given an unknown dose of a drug surely is irritating enough to cause you to constantly think of it.
Everybody here is right, you have taken no damage from this, all your physical symptoms are due to lack of proper rest and food plus the mental state.
You are going to be 100% ok soon.
 
Troglodyte said:
Im very happy my experience could help you in some way.

Think about this for a moment. People do lots of meth, some people use occasionally, some chronically, but if it caused all of the things that your scared of and all the symptoms your feeling, do you really think people would want to do it? If doing meth could just destroy you, think about all the people who use it often, theyd be dead, or at least maimed after a week of use, but people use for years with no issue. It is mildly neurotoxic, yes, but not with 1 use, and remember, you have 100 billion neurons. If you lost 10 you would never ever know the difference, but you probably weren't effected by it with a single dose. And again, if it was that neurotoxic, long term users would be brain dead, and thier not.

I'm guessing you were exposed to a lot of the governments propaganda/smear campain about meth. yes, those disheveled toothless people exist, but it is far from the normal user, they did A LOT of meth for a long tiime, and your not about to transform into one of them. i promise. Generally people use it and you'd never be able to tell. There is the errant idiot who will stay up for a week and a half and be nuts and erratic(i was in close quarters with such for a while... no bueno) but that is not relevant to your situation. even adderall has a slight toxicity, and they put kids on it and many stay on it for most of thier lives. I'm one of those and i'm here writing to you, coherently and with thought. I also used meth when i lived down south in asheville, and im fine. your fine. but i again urge you to seek out a good therapist and psychiatriast. The trauma you endured is causing a lot of distress in you, but i do believe the residual symptoms you describe are the product of your own mind. our minds are very powerful, and we are definitelty not aware of all that goes on up there. If you dont believe me, look up cases of split brain patients who'v had thier corpus callosum cut to alleviate epilepsy. half the brain has a mind of it's own. This same type of auto response from the depths of the brain can definitely cause very physical symptoms. I know it's hard to believe, but your mind can raise your blood pressure, cause pain, cause just about anything. You don't want this trauma to instill a deep groove in you that changes the way you think and/or makes you far more susceptible to somatic symptoms. There's absolutely no shame in seeking mental care. i do, most peolple i know do. And i really think you should, because the meth isn't effecting you anymore, and it didn't damage you. It doesn't work like that. but your quite upset, which is totally natural and reasonable given the situation, but that upset is turning physical and manifesting as somatic symptons. Thats gonna make life harder if it continues. there are people that can help. pls find them, psychaitrists and therapists. they can help you move past this and and change the obsessive thoughts your having. good luck man, you were seriously wronged, but you can rise above it and continue your life. I wish you the best
Click to expand...


Thanks again... I just need to calm down now


I was at a shopping center now and I "felt" like my heart was once again racing! Went to an apple store and used an apple watch to check my BPM, it was 58...which is normal.


I just need to convince myself that I will return to normal, I feel like I hsve damaged my DA receptors and as everyone has said, my own thoughts are causing more harm than good..... Even trying to sleep I tell myself no I'm going through withdrawal so I can't sleep. Then I can't sleep.

Anyways, I know what I need to work on!
 
Last edited:
Troglodyte said:
Im very happy my experience could help you in some way.

Think about this for a moment. People do lots of meth, some people use occasionally, some chronically, but if it caused all of the things that your scared of and all the symptoms your feeling, do you really think people would want to do it? If doing meth could just destroy you, think about all the people who use it often, theyd be dead, or at least maimed after a week of use, but people use for years with no issue. It is mildly neurotoxic, yes, but not with 1 use, and remember, you have 100 billion neurons. If you lost 10 you would never ever know the difference, but you probably weren't effected by it with a single dose. And again, if it was that neurotoxic, long term users would be brain dead, and thier not.

I'm guessing you were exposed to a lot of the governments propaganda/smear campain about meth. yes, those disheveled toothless people exist, but it is far from the normal user, they did A LOT of meth for a long tiime, and your not about to transform into one of them. i promise. Generally people use it and you'd never be able to tell. There is the errant idiot who will stay up for a week and a half and be nuts and erratic(i was in close quarters with such for a while... no bueno) but that is not relevant to your situation. even adderall has a slight toxicity, and they put kids on it and many stay on it for most of thier lives. I'm one of those and i'm here writing to you, coherently and with thought. I also used meth when i lived down south in asheville, and im fine. your fine. but i again urge you to seek out a good therapist and psychiatriast. The trauma you endured is causing a lot of distress in you, but i do believe the residual symptoms you describe are the product of your own mind. our minds are very powerful, and we are definitelty not aware of all that goes on up there. If you dont believe me, look up cases of split brain patients who'v had thier corpus callosum cut to alleviate epilepsy. half the brain has a mind of it's own. This same type of auto response from the depths of the brain can definitely cause very physical symptoms. I know it's hard to believe, but your mind can raise your blood pressure, cause pain, cause just about anything. You don't want this trauma to instill a deep groove in you that changes the way you think and/or makes you far more susceptible to somatic symptoms. There's absolutely no shame in seeking mental care. i do, most peolple i know do. And i really think you should, because the meth isn't effecting you anymore, and it didn't damage you. It doesn't work like that. but your quite upset, which is totally natural and reasonable given the situation, but that upset is turning physical and manifesting as somatic symptons. Thats gonna make life harder if it continues. there are people that can help. pls find them, psychaitrists and therapists. they can help you move past this and and change the obsessive thoughts your having. good luck man, you were seriously wronged, but you can rise above it and continue your life. I wish you the best
Click to expand...


A recurring thought keeps on bothering me:


When I woke up the morning after ingestion My blood pressure was high and my heart rate was high and I was boiling hot, dripping sweat and when I stood upright my head was pounding and was sore.


I'm worried now I'm going to have a stroke in the future, or do you think I'll be fine....

That's the last thing I'm struggling with. My heart is fine, my kidneys are fine... Etc

Sorry if I sound paranoid... I guess I am :/
 
Correct, that one incident cannot have any bearing over your stroke risk in the future. And the billions of Dopamine neurons you have were not even slightly dented by that 1 time. your DA are fine. But it seems you have a way of manifesting your fears. i was the same way for a while when i was younger. And having been there, i just want to stress my advice again to find a psychiatrist and a therapist. An ssri (prozac) cured me of those racing thoughts, ocd, panic freakouts, physically manifesting my fears, etc. with all that out of the way, i promise you, you will feel lighter, and increase clarity significantly, while letting go of excessive fear. you can use this traumatic event as a positive turning point in your life. Think about it. and i hope you do it. but whatever you choose, good luck
 
Troglodyte said:
Im very happy my experience could help you in some way.

Think about this for a moment. People do lots of meth, some people use occasionally, some chronically, but if it caused all of the things that your scared of and all the symptoms your feeling, do you really think people would want to do it? If doing meth could just destroy you, think about all the people who use it often, theyd be dead, or at least maimed after a week of use, but people use for years with no issue. It is mildly neurotoxic, yes, but not with 1 use, and remember, you have 100 billion neurons. If you lost 10 you would never ever know the difference, but you probably weren't effected by it with a single dose. And again, if it was that neurotoxic, long term users would be brain dead, and thier not.

I'm guessing you were exposed to a lot of the governments propaganda/smear campain about meth. yes, those disheveled toothless people exist, but it is far from the normal user, they did A LOT of meth for a long tiime, and your not about to transform into one of them. i promise. Generally people use it and you'd never be able to tell. There is the errant idiot who will stay up for a week and a half and be nuts and erratic(i was in close quarters with such for a while... no bueno) but that is not relevant to your situation. even adderall has a slight toxicity, and they put kids on it and many stay on it for most of thier lives. I'm one of those and i'm here writing to you, coherently and with thought. I also used meth when i lived down south in asheville, and im fine. your fine. but i again urge you to seek out a good therapist and psychiatriast. The trauma you endured is causing a lot of distress in you, but i do believe the residual symptoms you describe are the product of your own mind. our minds are very powerful, and we are definitelty not aware of all that goes on up there. If you dont believe me, look up cases of split brain patients who'v had thier corpus callosum cut to alleviate epilepsy. half the brain has a mind of it's own. This same type of auto response from the depths of the brain can definitely cause very physical symptoms. I know it's hard to believe, but your mind can raise your blood pressure, cause pain, cause just about anything. You don't want this trauma to instill a deep groove in you that changes the way you think and/or makes you far more susceptible to somatic symptoms. There's absolutely no shame in seeking mental care. i do, most peolple i know do. And i really think you should, because the meth isn't effecting you anymore, and it didn't damage you. It doesn't work like that. but your quite upset, which is totally natural and reasonable given the situation, but that upset is turning physical and manifesting as somatic symptons. Thats gonna make life harder if it continues. there are people that can help. pls find them, psychaitrists and therapists. they can help you move past this and and change the obsessive thoughts your having. good luck man, you were seriously wronged, but you can rise above it and continue your life. I wish you the best
Click to expand...


Thanks man.
Totally.

I have literally changed the way I make my choices.

No more giving people the benefit of the doubt. Would you give a snake the benefit not to bight you??

I was way to kind here. And it won't happen again. Good lesson at the least.

Thanks for all the replies! It has been an absolutely invaluable wealth of information and support.

Thanks again
 
I agree, I think you would likely benefit from Prozac or similar. Obviously talk to your dr.
 
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