• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Yo!! I'm back y'all!!

L

lovemissile66

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 22, 2018
Messages
679
Seriously got tired of posting the same lame story over and over and over ad nauseum. I finally hit yet another "rock bottom", and had no choice this time but to do a forced detox. After a hellish
24 hours, due to taking the damn Zubsolv too soon....I think I am finally over the worst of it. Ate crumbs of Zub over a 3 day period. Its day 5. I am not out of the woods yet, but I would like to
think that most of the physical stuff is behind me. Wishful thinking?! Anyway, just wanted to say HELLO AGAIN and hoping TEN YEARS GONE is still around somewhere? Miss ya chica.
 
Wusup??!!!!!
We are in similar spots probably. I’m hopin 10 is still around also! How ya doin?
Every time I’m on here I’m in a bad place it seems. Rarely have good news. It’s usually bad when I’m not on here for a bit. When will we learn??
well here’s to day by day! Best of luck to everyone!
 
HEY LADY!!! HEY BEEN BETTER!!

I can't tell you how happy I am to see you two!! Thank God you're back.

LM, omg, Im sorry you went through that. That shit is scarring. IWhat got you to take the plunge, so to speak? And I loved your posts. We are where we are on the journey. I get that feeling of being sick of yourself - very, very well.

Been better - so good to see you!! What's been going on.

I'm doing about the same. Still shitting around here and there, but leaning more towards taking subs more to han not.

Something happened yesterday - and it's a variable I don't think about often, but should. I got something that wasn't straight dope. It must've has some kind of THC analogue in it. I immediately felt "weird" after I did it. I knew the feeling immediately - like I just smoked 10lbs of potent weed. I don't like weed. At all.

I was in a thought loop of "what if I feel this way from now on". It was horrible. I was pacing the whole time.

I never think about the very real possibility of getting something I didn't ask for. It's definitely another thing to consider.

Anyway, you guys made my day!! Love you both!! ,??
 
Good to see you on here 66!! You sound good. Glad you're over the worst of the wd's. Here if you need anything.

Plus don't be such a stranger and post more. ; )

your friend,
Ash.
 
YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!!!:) 10- OMG!! Your story about feeling 'weird" and wondering if you are going to be the same, mentally, ever again?! Been there, done that. And it is truly one of the most frightening
experiences ever. I know it is quite ironic that we can sit around this site and chat about shooting dope for heaven's sake.....but for the most part, we, as veterans of this shit, know what we are doing and getting....generally. Especially if you have long-term relationships with dealers, etc. Point being....once in awhile (when there is a dope drought) you take a chance on some different shit. And we KNOW BETTER!!

But we do it because we are desperate. And addicts. And its part of the insanity, no?! So, I get it. About 3 weeks ago I was in the same predicament. Waiting on the man. And waiting. And waiting. Finally came through with what looked like his regular missile, i.e., very good stuff!! WRONG-O, BOY-O!!! Same color, same consistency. Difference being that, once you partook of it, it crept up on ya after about 5 minutes and then it was only a head high, not a full body high. My back still hurt (sign #1), I didn't warm up (sign #2) and I immediately felt like someone had shoved a fucking cat into my mouth. It was like
my entire saliva system had been wiped out, only to be replaced by FUR!! Horrible. I've also had people try to sell me beef bouillon, instant iced tea and cocoa. Are we nuts, or what??

This makes me infuriated on so many levels. The main one being that people are COLD! And for some green$$, are willing to kill and not think twice.

I am sorry you went through this. I cannot tolerate weed. I have a story, for another time, about the day I had myself committed to a psych ward because of weed:(
I missed you soooooo much. Glad you came around and I really hope you are feeling better!

Ash, thank you for your always kind thoughts!!
 
Hey BeenBetter!!! Good to see you around! Its been a minute, right? Before I disappeared, I kept hoping you might post something...just to give a progress report, if nothing else.
But I totally get it. I just got so tired of reading my redundant posts, couldn't imagine they would be helpful to anyone-especially moi! It is truly day by day. I went to an NA meeting
last night, the first in years. Until I figure out another plan, I think I may make them a regular thing.

You know your social life is in the crapper, when going to NA sounds like a nice place to meet folks. I am being completely sarcastic here!! NA is another great tool, in the ever-evolving recovery toolbox.
 
LM -

I was infuriated about whatever it was I got!! I called the guy and said wtf did you just give me?!! He said, noone else but me said anything. I said bullshit. Ok, it's not over, fast forward to the next day.

So, after that bullshit, I went to someone different. Before I do it, I say "I hope this isn't like that other stuff". I do it, and immediately feel weird again. Not as intense as the day before, but weird nevertheless. My husband asks, "How do you feel?". I said "This is unbelievable - weird again", he wishfully asks "Weird good right?", Me: "No, weird weird".

It was more bearable the 2nd time. And it wore off fairly fast. Like 30 mins. But still, that's not what I wanted.

I can't tolerate weed. Which probably sounds crazy, when you IV heroin. Weed sounds so benign. And it might be for some people, but not for me. It's very intense and negative. LM, I can understand why you tried to check into a psych hospital. I've almost went to the emergency room a few times because of weed. It's too much!

I think it's great that you're going to NA. I like meetings. For the most part, they're usually uplifting. I hope I meet some female friends. For support and to relate to.

How are you? Are you just taking Subs now? You're awesome LM. I'm glad you're here. I missed ya. ??
 
Hey 10!

Don't you sometimes wonder if all of this is just a 'sign'? That maybe you just shouldn't be out scoring?! I wanted dope so bad a couple weeks ago (who am I kidding?! I ALWAYS want dope badly!!), and was
so friggin determined, that even AFTER the ATM at my bank 'ate' my debit card, I came up with some lame-ass reason to 'borrow' $20 from my neighbor so I could go across town and get my fix. This was on a
Sunday, so I had no other monetary options. The crazy shit we do.

Currently, I am not on any Sub or anything else for that matter. Like I wrote in an earlier post...I inducted too soon on the Sub. After a day or two, I felt somewhat better, but still very lethargic and no appetite, no desire to do anything. Except drugs. But I didn't. At least for 5 days:( But HEY! Five days is five days, right?? My dumb ass went right back out and 'got right', with the intention of just giving my body a
break, i.e. sleep. Soooooo, I get to induct all over again. Only caveat this time is that my usage is way low. HOW DUMB AM I??!!! FUCK!!!!! This gets so tiring, girl.

And I know better. But I am going to meetings and I am really digging them this time around. So maybe some of that NA speak will stick, or I will get a sponsor and find a way to put the dope down.

Not losing hope!! Love you guys. Keep up the good fight.

And good to see you are still around 'ladyhlove'. I haven't updated myself on your current situation, but I hope you are ok.
 
I went through worse and can relate. We all have that cement floor we seem to hit a few times. I would like to think I’m well past it all.

How have you been feeling? Stay well!
 
i am new here so sorry if this is the wrong place

I am on 8.8 mg Zubsolv per day and started snorting it about 6 months ago
anyone else snort zub or sub? what has your experience been like?
Mine has started to fade quite a bit
 
I'm good, lovemissle! Nothing too exciting to report, but I'm still on methadone and still not using dope so I guess you could say everything is just fine. How about you?
 
Hello Folks...Went to another NA meeting tonight. I seem to be favoring the groups on Tuesdays and Sundays. So far every meeting has been a "birthday celebration", with sobriety dates running anywhere
from 3 to 20 years. I am truly humbled. I just want a string of clean DAYS! And I know I have the power to succeed at that. But man, when you listen to someone talk about how the first ten years were a
breeze and then POW! they hit a roadblock at 18 years clean.....Its just a reminder that this fucking beast of addiction NEVER WANTS TO LET YOU GO!!! Cunning as a MF, eh?!

Anyway, I don't know why I am more open now to going to these than I've been in the past. Could be I'm older. Desperate. Tired. And maybe I really can't do this by myself after all? It feels good to be in that
room surrounded by people that know exactly what I am going through. I'm not down with everything I hear, but I have learned to "take what I need and leave the rest".

Hope you guys are fighting the good fight....and winning.
 
Hi LM ?. Sorry I haven't posted - I went through a brutal 4 day sub re-induction. I have honestly been doing really well, like literally using only 2 days a month (progress not perfection). But I went kind of ham this month. I was really disappointed in myself. And I paid the price for it.

I'm glad you're going and being open to trying NA meetings - I'm proud of you LM. I mean that genuinely I know how hard you're trying. I really do.

I know a guy who was clean for 35 yrs - 35yrs(!) up until about 3yrs ago. He started by taking some of the Oxy's he sold. By month two, he was shooting dope again. 6 months in, he got on methadone. He continued shooting fent. on top of daily methadone and has a dual addiction now. It scares me just thinking about it. Methadone doesn't help with the fent withdrawal. It's very humbling indeed. There won't ever be a time I'll be able to casually use.

Most of us need support with recovery. I definitely do. I enjoy the fellowship of NA. And I don't agree with every single thing either , like you, I just take what I need and quietly leave the rest.

I hope you're well today ❤️?
 
glad you guys are getting something out of meetings.

I think that being reminded every few days that if you drop the ball it can go wrong so easily, via others experience not someone trying to beat you into submission, is a really valuable aspect of NA. I could easily be getting complacent at nearly 5 months (saturday!!) but having just seen 3 people get to 6 months then relapse for myself, via the meetings, shows how important it is to keep working.
 
Hi LM!

How are you beautiful? I miss you, and think of you often.

It's funny you were going to meetings that were birthday/anniversary celebrations lol.

The same thing happened to me last Summer. Ever GD meeting was an anniversary!! So yeah. There's that. Lol.

I miss you and hope you stop in. As always, no matter what. ❤️☕

CHINUP!! Congratulations on 5 months! ??? That is quite an accomplishment. You are doing so well. Keep up the good work.

Yes, we honestly can't become complacent in our recovery. It never goes well when I slip. As I said, I ended up getting something with a very very strong THC analogue in it. It was actually terrifying.

It very well may be a sign LM. You live in VA right? I'm in PA, that stuff is circulating. Be careful girl. I really hope you stop in.

Be well Ladies. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
 
Okaaaay!!! Not sure what is going on with my computer, but I totally meant to write more than just Hey Doll Face!!! But anyway.....

Hey Doll Face!!

I am so sorry you had to endure another rotten re-induction process. Insanity, right? But the fact that you are submitting to the Heroin Harlot only twice a month??! THAT IS FANTSTIC, chica!!! It is indeed
progress and every right step you take, counts. REMEMBER THAT:)

I am killing some time as I wait to go the 8pm NA meeting near my casa. Initially, I started hitting them to get out of the house. I truly have no social life to speak of. Its a little bit 'Lady with the 15 Cats' syndrome. Ever since my guy passed, I feel emotionally catatonic. (oh shit, I just made another cat reference, ha!)

Funny thing is, after going to a couple, I actually started listening and engaging. I have not shared yet. And I still need quit the dope. But my goal is to continue going and hopefully find a suitable sponsor.

We are our worst critics when it comes to this disease. So hard on ourselves. I hope you find a way to do something nice for you. You deserve it. I think of you often as well. Wondering what the heck you are
up to in PA. I kept hoping for some snow here in Va, but no such luck. Lots of rainy days.

Take care friend and don't be a stranger.....
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top