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I?m going crazy!! Day 4 - I think

S

Soflasober

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
10
Anyways I?ve been on iv coke heroin for 5 years. It?s crazy thinking back that I?ve literally lost 5 years of my life over this shit.

I originally started using drugs because of the great feelings it gave me. Sooner than later I discovered I was enduldging in drugs to simply avoid myself and my own emotions.

I?ve had enough. I?ve sacrificed my life for something that only keeps me from succeeding and now any kind of positive emotion scares me. I do not know what it is to laugh or feel any sort of integrity.

Ive always felt like my actions were based off someone else?s decisions and everything I did was dictated in a sort of way. I just want the old me back. I miss my family. I know I sound like every other addict but everything has came from the heart.

I need to learn how to and accept that I deserve to have a connection with others.
 
Hello Soflasober.

You sound extremely self aware, insightful and intelligent. You're a very tough individual, coming here and admitting these things, I have no doubt that after you obtain some clean time you will look in the mirror and see someone with great character looking back at you.

Will you be going to any rehab places or join any groups? Is there a therapist or counsellor you trust, that could help guide you through this too? I'm sure others with experience can offer you some recommendations if you like.

Sober Living is a great place, we will all be here for you, you can feel free to pm me if you'd like too. You definitely do deserve a connection with others, you can start with us, we're so happy you're here.

I have no doubt that you will get yourself back and you and your family will love the new you.

Very proud of you.

Here if you need anything,
your friend,
Ash.

Soflasober said:
Anyways I?ve been on iv coke heroin for 5 years. It?s crazy thinking back that I?ve literally lost 5 years of my life over this shit.

I originally started using drugs because of the great feelings it gave me. Sooner than later I discovered I was enduldging in drugs to simply avoid myself and my own emotions.

I?ve had enough. I?ve sacrificed my life for something that only keeps me from succeeding and now any kind of positive emotion scares me. I do not know what it is to laugh or feel any sort of integrity.

Ive always felt like my actions were based off someone else?s decisions and everything I did was dictated in a sort of way. I just want the old me back. I miss my family. I know I sound like every other addict but everything has came from the heart.

I need to learn how to and accept that I deserve to have a connection with others.
Click to expand...
 
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I can really relate to feeling like someone else is controlling your actions. That post you wrote is a really good mindset to start this journey. And yes it yruely is a journey. You'll have highs and lows struggles and success. If you keep trying no matter what happens you will be successful.
 
Soflasober said:
Ive always felt like my actions were based off someone else?s decisions and everything I did was dictated in a sort of way.
Click to expand...

I can also relate although I've never done coke or heroin. Oh, and you said day 4... Have you been sober for 4 days? If so congrats.
 
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@EPL1

I?m not currently in any professional care. I do plan to get some counseling/therapy to help overcome what makes me use drugs. Thank you for the warm welcome. Other than my girlfriend, you guys are the only ones I?ve shared this with. I figure actions trump words.
 
@cj

You?re signature from another sub is what brought me here by the way. Thank you
 
@nutty

I ended up running through $1000 I had saved up in a couple days. I want a chance to have a meaningful life
 
Sobriety is looking more promising, which is very unusual for me. It takes a lot to accept that my drug use was very toxic for my personality but avoiding myself by doing drugs was ?the answer?. Fuck me right? Anyway I had 2 beers yesterday and I?m sipping one right now. I?ve never had a problem with alcohol except for the fact that it has influenced my decision to get high.

I feel like I?m breaking up with a girl. It?s like me and ?that girl? have always had some bomb.com sex but we are terribly toxic for each other. I?m literally breaking up with heroin. Idk maybe I?m just overthinking
 
I can totally relate to the "breakup" feeling. For many years, alcohol was my constant companion-- and, in a sense, my lover/best friend/soul mate. It was an extremely toxic relationship, but sometimes I miss what is familiar-- whether good, bad, or ugly. I abused other drugs, too, including cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine, benzodiazepines, and various other stuff. My drug of choice was "waddaya got?" But the alcohol was always there and it caused me more pain than all the others put together. I'm an alcoholic by any definition.

I haven't had a drink in over nine months but I still get the urge now and then.

Peace&Love,
jasper



I never woke up in the morning wishing I'd gotten drunk the night before.
 
Hey Soflasober.

Thinking of you and I hope you're doing well. Update when you have time.

Proud of you,
things will get better. You deserve a meaningful life.

Much love and support,
your friend,
Ash.
​
 
So I didn?t get the cap (pompano dope is all capped up) sorry I didn?t clarify. I actually started realliy going in on some html/css coding. I?m prescribed Adderall and lets just say my brain feels heavier lmao
 
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