• H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Detox Finally stopped the methadone clinic

I’m OK Ash, thank you for asking. How are you?
So tired of whining. I’ve double BP med and it’s still hanging around 180/110. Pain in neck/head is real. Fatigue. All much the same.
Job front........Union having to take grievance to step 2. Management is Still pushing for additional documentation, going against HIPPA laws, harassing, still wanting removal. Hoping this will set a precedence for others. Union feels strong. They are asking for administrative leave for time I took to go to Dr and gas money for transportation. ———— a side note, in my office——— they have fired every high up. Post master, plant manager, gave 2 weeeks suspensions to all subordinates. It’s a shit show. Lol
The second job, I’ve decided I can not push it physically. Although it’s the job I LOVE, it’s not what pays my bills. They are going to have to find until I can get pain under control. Makes it hard because it’s the family business. Daughters do NOT understand why this is dragging on so long.
After i went to chiropractor my head was pain free for about 10 hrs. I had, for the first time in many years, voluntarary positive thought. It was a thought, a pleasant sweet thought. Quite calming. Wish I could get it back. I’ve tried. I push positive in my brain, but negative comes creeping back. It had been so long that had a pleasurable thought, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Will pain alter thought process?
on methadone, I do not believe I thought, I reacted, in every situation. Sounds dumb, but it’s how I lived for years. I Could not feel ....... mentally or physically. Example, I could not sleep. One day there was extra blanket put on bed by my granddaughter. I used it later that night and slept like a a baby. I could not tell my body was cold. I never did anything to alter a bad situation in my life. If something negative effected me I’d put up with it till I could not feel it anymore.
I can feel now, physically I’m in pain from the injury that put me on opiates to begin with. I’m trying to keep from using but weighing in my head what are the benefits. Quality of life.
 
Well, today I took Excedrine for Migraine. It helped. The caffeine also gave a boost through work. My brain feels bruised. Lol.......BP still really high 170/95. Was told to double the dose. I take it at night. The morning BP is elevated but the evenings are bad. Will be glad to get it stabilized.
I’ve started walking the dog in the woods behind my house. Wish I could show a picture, it’s what we call a “hollow”. Goes down to a creek. Great going down but coming up is a kicker. It’ll get the heart pumping. It’s not a mile total but when I wake, I feel so achy. It helps, walking, gets the joints lubricated. Seems I feel the worst in the mornings and mid afternoons.
I had a good evening. It’s the best yet. Made a small wager on Duke/UVA basketball game with folks at work. Go Duke!
My daughters told me today they all have a bug. Chills, aches, malaise. Kinda reinforces that I had a bug too this past weekend.
Had the biggest desire to stop and have a drink after work. Noooooooooo, sometimes I can have one or two and then there are times I have too much fun and don’t want to stop. I could not imagine a hangover on top of the headache I already have.
 
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wow you went and still are going through a lot. Did you have all these problems (bp. headache) when you were on methadone? Do you know whats causing high bp?
 
Hey Zagor, yes the headaches have been a problem since I was a teen. Got vertabrae in neck screwed up.
BP is new though. Do not know what is causing to stay so high. Dr thinks it’s situational.
 
I have read that meditation lowers blood pressure. Its supposed to have loads of benefits so is definitely worth a shot, it didn't take me long of doing 15 mins a day to feel benefits.
 
You're doing a great job Deb.

I'm glad you decided not to drink, that would have been ugly on top of the quit crapiness. Very proud of you, you're a sweetheart.

Love ya,
Ash.

P.S,
here if you need anything,


Well, today I took Excedrine for Migraine. It helped. The caffeine also gave a boost through work. My brain feels bruised. Lol.......BP still really high 170/95. Was told to double the dose. I take it at night. The morning BP is elevated but the evenings are bad. Will be glad to get it stabilized.
I’ve started walking the dog in the woods behind my house. Wish I could show a picture, it’s what we call a “hollow”. Goes down to a creek. Great going down but coming up is a kicker. It’ll get the heart pumping. It’s not a mile total but when I wake, I feel so achy. It helps, walking, gets the joints lubricated. Seems I feel the worst in the mornings and mid afternoons.
I had a good evening. It’s the best yet. Made a small wager on Duke/UVA basketball game with folks at work. Go Duke!
My daughters told me today they all have a bug. Chills, aches, malaise. Kinda reinforces that I had a bug too this past weekend.
Had the biggest desire to stop and have a drink after work. Noooooooooo, sometimes I can have one or two and then there are times I have too much fun and don’t want to stop. I could not imagine a hangover on top of the headache I already have.
 
Day 34
I. FEEL. NORMAL.
I may have days to come that aren’t so great but the last two days have been pretty fantastic. Even with the headache and high blood pressure.
I listen to music more. I laugh more.......I enjoy people more. It’s hard to describe how much better it is. Just more aware. Free like.
It was a rough month!
Still don’t sleep as much as I would like, wake groggy as hell with Trazadone, but I can sleep for 5-6 hrs most nights. ( should I consider coming off the trazadone?) I still do not have the energy I had before but Ill fake it till I make it. The cold feeling will never leave. I wear sweatshirts, sweaters, coat inside.
Now for things to come, mentally I have a hard time dealing with my mom and her dementia. The job and the bullshit there and the boredom of sobriety.
Ash———— I gotta say, when I get to Cozumel, I will have a drink or two or four. It’ll be my birthday! Sun, feet in the sand and drinking something fruity with a little umbrella. Don’t have to drive. I don’t have to do anything. VACATION! I drink very rarely, maybe two, three times a year. It’ll be OK. Be more than OK..........last couple of cruises I would be all sinking after 6 hrs, methadone would wear off, I would look for places to hide. This will be a new experience. I can’t wait! 23 days and I fly to Fla and hit the western Caribbean for 8 days.
Hope everyone is doing well, again I am thankful for all the support and advice from everyone. I will never take methadone again. EVER.
 
OMG Debbie that's huge!!! I'm so happy for you!!!


Much love,
your friend,
Ash.

QUOTE=Debbie Combs;14482434]I even feel better this morning. It’s a first![/QUOTE]
 
Yeah Debbie I'm cheering for you!!! This is so great to read!!! You are such a trooper. You go on that vacation and you have the best time ever, I have a feeling you truly will!!!

Proud of you.


Much love my dear friend,
Ash.

Day 34

Ash———— I gotta say, when I get to Cozumel, I will have a drink or two or four. It’ll be my birthday! Sun, feet in the sand and drinking something fruity with a little umbrella. Don’t have to drive. I don’t have to do anything. VACATION! I drink very rarely, maybe two, three times a year. It’ll be OK. Be more than OK..........last couple of cruises I would be all sinking after 6 hrs, methadone would wear off, I would look for places to hide. This will be a new experience. I can’t wait! 23 days and I fly to Fla and hit the western Caribbean for 8 days.
.
 
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Day 37
I am definitely better than a month ago but still ........ after two days of greatness comes a day of yuck.
muscle and joint pain, not much sleep. Broken sleep, 2 hrs, woke for 3 hrs then fell back for 2. Feeling drained.
Blood pressure is still way high. 190/110........something not right. I’ve double my blood pressure medication, than Dr told me to double the double. Lol. I read on internet it’s a medicine they give men for prostrate, loosens so they can pee. I can not sip water without having to pee now. For a post menopausal women who had three children, this is NEVER a good idea. Dehydration probably causing some of the head pain. Great day! Is there a decent dr in VA?
I still feel so cold. I wore my coat in a Resturant yesterday while eating. It was not cold in there.
Looking forward to tomorrow, maybe it’ll be a better day. I will collect on a small wager from UVA/Duke game��
 
Still almost.........just cold, BP high....... almost normal. I slept for 9 1/2 hrs last night.
Still think methadone clinics need to disclose info about the effects, withdrawls. When I first went, i did question. Only answer I got was, “ You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t need to be”. The nurse was a real bitch. I had no clue. It was the first thing that popped up online. I called, rest is history. After two days, if I could’ve gone through two more, I’d probably been OK. My habit was not that big, but tolerance was building fast, I knew it would get bad. The knowledge of hindsight.
 
Hey Debbie.

You are doi g great and are a real inspiration, not to sound cheesy, but it?s impressive. I was still cold after the 100 day mark, personally. Hopefully that doesn?t happen to everyone. It was the one symptom that never seemed to go away entirely. I am so glad you are able to sleep 9.5 hours! That will certainly speed up the recovery.

Keep it up, Debbie.

- VE
 
Hi Debbie! I read your entire thread - and Wow!!! You just accomplished something huge! I mean huge. Everyday you're getting closer to complete freedom.

I was on methadone for 5yrs, and my experience with it wasn't real positive. I'm only speaking for myself, as different things work for different people. I'm really glad you did this. Well done.

And I know that cold feeling! It could be 90 degrees F, and I still have Goosebumps. I have gone through withdrawal more times than can be counted, and 2 cold turkey detoxes off of 21 bags a day of IV heroin plus 300mg of morphine a day and it was brutal.

I really just wanted to say well done, and great job!! ??
 
Thank you. “Vast Empty” and “10 yrs gone”, for the words. It was a HUGE thing in my life. I’m glad I did it. Not being chained to a methadone clinic is freeing. Maybe if they had competent counselors, it would’ve made a difference. I could tell them 4mo advance of a vacation, remind them every time I picked up, only to have them tell me I could not pick up the additional, the paperwork was not there, it wasn’t online anywhere that I was going out of the country. BUT I TOLD YOU!!!!! Lol It would make me panic. I had 20 take homes. The fuckers.......just glad to be rid of that clinic. That’s just me venting. I’m still pissed at the way they operated the one here. They have so much demand, they have turned away folks. Made a new rule if you piss dirty for benzos, ALCOHOL, meth etc..... NO DOSE, lose take homes. People who go there are inclined to imbib. WTH? I sure everyone is different, with situations and life. I hope the best for anyone going to one. It helps get life calm and regain normalcy.
I guess I’m still pissed at the methadone clinic. Need to let THAT go.
Another landmark. Did not have to load up on Advil this morning! I’ve put my hoodie back on, I’m warm. It’s all looking so much better. I need to find something to do with spare time.
 
Aaw, good for you Debbie <3. Sending you a hug and a high five!! You have done what many cannot. Be proud of yourself.

You no longer have to "keep yourself in line", for fear they'll take away your meds. Fuckers. They got nothing on you anymore lady! Isn't that a great feeling!

Really happy you're feeling well today. You have alot to look forward to - and not having to worry if you'll have enough meds, etc.

Well Done!!!! ?❤️
 
Day 40
Things are getting better, although setbacks. BP still high. Cold. Headache. Muscle pain sporadic but intense. I use Advil, Tylenol, tiger balm, and of course a BP medication, heating pad and lots of hot showers and baths. Still taking trazadone, benzo, melatonin for sleep. Feel like I should sleep like the dead on all that but only get 5-6 hrs.
my headache reminds me of one I had 25 yrs ago when I quit drinking everyday. Same exact feeling, hard to describe. Nothing helps it. Wish I can remember how long it took to go away.
I have gained back all weight lost. Appetite is OK.
Will start a 12 week challenge for body and mind after vacation. Co worker is kinda pushing it on me. It’s all good!
Work is still being a bitch. We had a stand up talk on opiates. Never had that sort of talk before, it’s more of how to pick up heavy objects, wires on workroom floor etc.... I felt boss was trying to tell me he knew, but could be me being vane.
Still have days were it’s hard to push through work.
If I had it all to do over again, I would have taken 3-4 weeks off. Going back after 12 days wasn’t good. I’m embarrassed how I acted the first two days back. Lord, people were coming by saying they were going to pray for me.
Energy level is coming back.
 
Hey Debbie,
Just wanted to say "hello" and tell you that you are definately an inspiration to me. I am not on methadone. I am a heroin addict. But I did do the methadone clinic years ago (my first of many attempts at getting clean) here in VA, and I did not care for it. I purposely kept my dose low, which of course drew disdain from the counselors. Physically, I just never felt "right" on methadone. So, after 3 months I came off. Went
right back to the dope, but I set myself up for that. Guess what I am trying to say is....CONGRATULATIONS!!!! This is not a minor event that you have embarked upon. You are giving me hope that I can get back off the dope again. The last time I really cleaned up, it took about 2-3 months to start sleeping normal (8-9 hours for me). It was so worth it. And what a wonderful feeling to be "free" of those chains, i.e., liquid handcuffs. Methadone is no joke. It serves a purpose and I get that, but I'm not sure how I feel about long-term use, like years and years. I had friends who shot dope for a couple years and then got on the methadone program and stayed on it for like, 8 plus years!?? That can't be a good thing. Anyway, so happy for you. Keep posting!!
 
Thank you Lovemissile, it was hard, but you would know too! The hard part is staying off, living life without the aid of a “pick me up”. Living minute by minute. I’ll feel good in the morning and feel like crap in afternoon. It has its ups and downs. I get depressed some. Alienated friends and family the last 20 yrs, find myself more alone than I like. Tried reaching out some, ecspecially with family but noticed a few are very judgmental. I messed up, but all I can do is try to do the right thing NOW and continue to do what is right one right thing at a time.
I have worked everyday the last two weeks at my MAIN job. I had put THAT job on a back burner. Calling in anytime I felt tired or had the least ache. Now, I GO. I go and push through. Amazing what a full paycheck will do! Guess I mean I have more DRIVE. I’m making better decisions. I’m not going with the flow of life, I’m making life flow for me.
i can see better. Sounds silly. Whether it was because I did not want to see or my eyes were pinpricks in my head I have no idea. I stared in the mirror the other day. Lol Wrinkles are OK, I have lived!
I hope the best for anyone struggling, addiction has no boundaries. Addicts feel shame, guilt. Why would anyone try to add to that? That is the main thing I’m dealing with ATM, that and sleep.
 
Hey Debbie I just wanted to tell you how tough I think you are. Your going to get through this!
 
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