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C.C.C.C. [Captain's Cockamamie Christmas Catastrophe]

Captain.Heroin

Captain.Heroin

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
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Captain's Cockamamie Christmas Catastrophe

With just three days to Christmas, I invite you all to play a game while you wait for your various planes at a variety of over-packed airports around the world.

Guess how bad my Christmas is going to be, and I shall tell a tale afterwards, detailing my personal story regarding the calamitous crudeness celebrating coldness and misery that is Christmas. For obvious purposes I might blur or fictionalize certain elements of reality in the telling of my story afterwards, but I shall then choose a winner.

The winner will receive a promised and never-delivered title (THE BEST KIND - just like my poetry contest title that I was promised and never stole from my sibling!) of CHRISTMAS CATASTROPHE COLLABORATION CHIEF!

All submissions will be due by 2359 on December 25, 2018. Now let's get to the convoluted rules!

Rules:

1) You must post an original (within reason) story from the other stories above yours. It is your duty and responsibility to read the whole thread before posting. If I disqualify your post I will tell you by PM and you will have until the aforementioned due date of 2359 on December 25, 2018 [I live in time zone UTC-08 for those of you around the world]

2) Be realistic and do not try to guess my fictionalized narrative I'll come up with afterwards.

3) I will not penalize too heavily for wrong or off topic details unless you flood me with too many of them; I'm looking for an overall percentage of correctness or similarity to my subjective reality.

4) You are allowed to collaborate with other Oliver Twisteds on information regarding my potential Christmas. It won't have any impact on my actual Christmas experience.

Advice: These are optional but not necessarily required tips on how to play the game.

1) You may lustfully desire to speculate on if I have any presents, how many, and if it's just coal in the stocking (figuratively speaking: I'll throw you a bone; I don't have a stocking). Do I have a tree? Will I be spending Christmas with my people living in MY house? With others at all, or alone?

2) What's my Christmas meal going to be like?

3) What's my mood going to be like? Ecstatic? Bored? Mind-numbingly depressed leading to a brb cry?

4) What will I be doing on Christmas? How about the hours leading up until Christmas (Christmas Eve counts as a part of the Christmas experience for you non-Americans) Will I be posting on Bluelight?
 
cap'n said:
If I disqualify your post I will tell you by PM and you will have until the aforementioned due date of 2359 on December 25, 2018 (???this part cap'n???) [I live in time zone UTC-08 for those of you around the world]
Click to expand...

to edit it and make an even better post?

it almost sounds like you stopped typing at the end there. or am i not drunk enough yet?!
 
"Deck the cave with chocolate mushrooms tra la la la la la" Captain Heroin sang as he strung the last of the Christmas ornaments up. "There" he said proudly "all done!" His granny smiled upon him, her second favourite grandson, he was an ugly little scop but had such a beautiful voice.

"You can go out and play with your dear cousin now, he's waiting for you by the gate. He finished his chores twenty minutes ago, what a lovely lad he is." Captain Heroin raised his face for a kiss then turned frowning towards the gate where his cousin waited for him smirking. "Be back before dark both of you, your fish supper will be ready!" she called after the two boys as they skipped down the lane punching each other on the arm.

Later...

"Leave the frog alone, my precious, else you hurt it and it cannot return to its home.'' said Granny Bluelight.

''I lustfully desire it. I found it and it's mine,'' the sweet tone that had once been his now resonated with disdain. '' 'Sides, it's a dragon and I've been chasin' it.''

''Where is he? Where is my favourite grandson?'' she changed the subject.

''Dunno,'' Captain Heroin whined. ''Can't always watch 'im.''

''You went to the damp, smelly parts of Bluelight with him, didn't you? Isn't that where you found the frog?''

''Dunno. And it's a dragon. I chased it an' tied it up tight with this here string and now it can't get away. It's mine, it is,'' the Captain whined even more miserably.

''Where is my dear Vampyr Koffin Erich?'' she asked, her tone now harsh.

Captain Heroin turned towards her, eyes flashing with hate. ''I don't FUCKING know!'' he screamed.

She logged on and saw the horizontal black mark struck through Generic Erich's name. Shivering, she sent him a pm, but he had disappeared. She wondered where he had gone to, but grief swept all other thought from her.

For days after that, unease swept through the forum. She was its head, its guardian, and she knew the cause. At last, on the night before Christmas she confronted him.

He denied the doxing, the trolling, the tl/dr threads, the edited private mails, the off topic posting, the source discussion... everything and so she ordered him to be permab&.

Watching as he bundled up his Christmas presents - a few rocks, some old threads from the Lounge, bits of string and various dead bugs into his pockets, she held back her tears. Once she had such dreams for him. The frog had long since died and now sat out of reach on the top of the Christmas tree else she knew he would have taken that too. She offered him food - he spat at her. She closed her eyes. She would not watch the Captain log off. But others did and they posted obscenities on his farewell thread.


As he shuffled off into the blizzard of snow that fell all that cold, dark Christmas the last anyone ever heard of Captain Heroin was the sound of his sweet voice singing:

"On the fifth day of Christmas Generic Erich gave to me,
FIVE DRY BONES
FOUR SQUIDGY WORMS
THREE FLAPPING FISH
TWO CHINESE BURNS
AND A DEAD FROG
IN A CHOPPED DOWN TREE"

The End
 
Very good. I’d appreciate more simple stories but I loved the read and can simplify that and score it accordingly. Well done.

leet has some writing skills
 
C.H called this rough trick nicknamed granny and smiled upon him. He was already getting emotional tears in his eyes, which may be from the electric butt plug he was warming up with. Grannie was an ugly little twink bastard but had such a beautiful voice when achieving orgasms.

"You can go out and play with your dear cousin now, he's waiting for you by the gate. He finished his chores twenty minutes ago, what a lovely lad he is." Captain Heroin raised his face for a lick, then turned frowning towards the gate where his cousin waited for him smirking with his fisting gloves on. "Be back before dark both of you, your fish supper will be ready!" He knew fish dinner equalled a stinky pussy. Granny called after the two boys as they skipped down the street holding hands.

Later...

"Leave the hamster alone, my precious, else you hurt it and it cannot return to its home.'' said Granny Dave. They don't accept returns on animals with no teeth or that smell like shit.

''I lustfully desire it. I found it and it's mine,'' the sweet tone that had once been his now resonated with disdain. '' 'Sides, it's a dragon and I've been chasin' it.''

''Where is he? Where is my favourite grandson?'' Dave called his other friend Ron aka the Fist, then changed the subject.



''You went to the damp, smelly parts of Bluelight with him, didn't you? Isn't that where you found the used condoms that will be made into soup for you and your "cousin"

'Captain chased a dragon. " I chased it an' tied it up tight with this here string and now it can't get away. It sucks though, it's mostly fent.,'' the Captain whined even more miserably.

''Where is my dear Vampyr Koffin Erich?'' she asked, her tone now harsh.

Captain Heroin turned towards her, eyes flashing with hate. ''I don't FUCKING know!'' Fuck you, you stupid bitch.

She logged on and saw the horizontal black mark struck through Generic Erich's name. Shivering, she sent him a pm. He beat her ass for looking stupid, then cried. She wondered where he had gone to, but grief swept all other thought from her.

For days after that, unease swept through the forum. She was its head, its guardian, and she knew the cause. At last, on the night before Christmas she confronted him.

He continued the doxing, the trolling, the tl/dr threads, the edited private mails, the off topic posting, the source discussion... everything and so she ordered him to be permab&. He laughed and said try, I dare you.

Watching as he bundled up his Christmas presents - a few rocks of base, some old vintage porn from his plug, caviar from the bud shop and a 3 gram crystal clear ice shard, she held back her tears. Once she had such dreams for him. The frog had long since died under mysterious circumstances and now sat out of reach on the top of the Christmas tree else she knew he would have taken that too. She offered him food - he spat at her. She closed her eyes. She would not watch the Captain jack off, but others others did and they posted their own wank videos on tiny chat or in person.

It was a great Christmas for one and all.


As he shuffled off into the blizzard of snow that fell all that cold, dark Christmas the last anyone ever heard of Captain Heroin was the sound of his sweet voice singing:

"On the fifth day of Christmas Generic Erich gave to me,
FIVE DRY BONES(no lube)
FOUR SQUIDGY WORMS(limp dick)
THREE FLAPPING FISH( that was suppose to be fapping)
TWO CHINESE rc vendors adresses
AND A Blow job
IN A Koffin

The End

This was a test.
 
Ok so this is a bit similar but I see what you did and I like your submission

Again guys if you just do something simple like “10 presents, high on (drug name), presents were (good, bad, guess a present) and you spent it with (someone, family or others or no one) and you felt (emotion) and you did (this) and you ate (food) and sucked 2 dicks before noon like Lysis

But I see you guys are doing that by writing a fictionalized story which entertains me but makes judging the round harder.

Lots of <3 thanks for being the first participants : )
 
I did put this was a test. I edited another post. I can do way better after my dextroamphetamine refill later today.
 
Sure!!! Take your time and submit as many times as you lustfully desire.

I’ll omly judge your last one.
 
Speed King said:
I did put this was a test. I edited another post. I can do way better after my dextroamphetamine refill later today.
Click to expand...

It's Brilliant! I ALWAYS prefer parodies and yours is hilarious! =D

If that was just a test I can't wait till the dex hits
 
If I lustfully desireed to be a real twisted BL'er, Leet & I could collaborate. Really, Leets work was excellent. I mainly used it as a template to lightly experiment with.
 
cap'n, i would like to play your game

i'm in a dark place and i'm afraid the depravity, loathsomeness and putrid picture i would paint would not make us cool anymore

i like the idea of the thread, good read
 
just do a simple one then and make it happy and jolly or whatever :)

everyone: make sure to get your answers in!
 
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