Mr.Hankey
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2000
- Messages
- 13,006
Howdy ho ho ho! Gather around, kids. Aunt-Hankey is gonna tell you a xmas story.
When auntie was a young innocent teenager, she had a task from mum. Go and take this basket to grandma. Through a dark forest. Auntie thought that'd be a walk in the dark, and it sure as hell was that. You see, young auntie's Segway had run out of battery and so walk she must. With a basket at hand and a foot in a shoe auntie started pushing through the not so well lit forest. Murky, razor sharp ebony tree branches cut her face into a brutal mess, but she kept pushing harder, swinging her machete like it had never speen swung before. In no time she was covered with blood, sweat and tree bark.
It was probably this combo of delicate aromas that lured mr. Tiberman to her. Timberman just couldn't refuse the fresh aroma of ebony bark, let alone bloody sweat. Timberman let his powerful 2-stroke chainsaw do it's thing and finally reached aunt Hankey. But what mr. Timberman didn't take into account was the hardness of ebony tree. That fool. His chain couldn't cut no more. It needed proper filing. The dark trees and their dark, sharp branches started to surround them, moving and growing closer and closer. They tought they were done for. But just before the branches managed to choke them to death, auntie remembered something. Her nail file! She reached out for her file, gripped it tight in her hand and with one powerful and well aimed swing she cut Timberman's throat open. The plan had worked perfectly. No more shitty music or movies. Justin choked in his own blood while auntie and the whole forest was cheering and laughing merrily. What has this to do with xmas, you might now ask. Well, the blood that gushed out of Justin's neck was all red. And as we all know, red is the color of xmas. Merry xmas to everone!
When auntie was a young innocent teenager, she had a task from mum. Go and take this basket to grandma. Through a dark forest. Auntie thought that'd be a walk in the dark, and it sure as hell was that. You see, young auntie's Segway had run out of battery and so walk she must. With a basket at hand and a foot in a shoe auntie started pushing through the not so well lit forest. Murky, razor sharp ebony tree branches cut her face into a brutal mess, but she kept pushing harder, swinging her machete like it had never speen swung before. In no time she was covered with blood, sweat and tree bark.
It was probably this combo of delicate aromas that lured mr. Tiberman to her. Timberman just couldn't refuse the fresh aroma of ebony bark, let alone bloody sweat. Timberman let his powerful 2-stroke chainsaw do it's thing and finally reached aunt Hankey. But what mr. Timberman didn't take into account was the hardness of ebony tree. That fool. His chain couldn't cut no more. It needed proper filing. The dark trees and their dark, sharp branches started to surround them, moving and growing closer and closer. They tought they were done for. But just before the branches managed to choke them to death, auntie remembered something. Her nail file! She reached out for her file, gripped it tight in her hand and with one powerful and well aimed swing she cut Timberman's throat open. The plan had worked perfectly. No more shitty music or movies. Justin choked in his own blood while auntie and the whole forest was cheering and laughing merrily. What has this to do with xmas, you might now ask. Well, the blood that gushed out of Justin's neck was all red. And as we all know, red is the color of xmas. Merry xmas to everone!
