Great attitude Rupert.
Onward and Upward. You faltered momentarily, but so does everyone. To err is human.
I'm glad you are looking into rehabs now, and you see where things COULD have taken you. I don't want that for you and I know you don't either.
Keep your head up, you are living to fight another day. Things will get better.,Here for you anytime, pm if you ever feel the need too.
Much love Rupert, I'm proud of you.
PS, I'm sorry that happened with your momma, how are things now?
your friend,
Ash.
Cheers Ash.
I've patched things up with my Mum. She wants me to get into rehab ASAP because she can see how desperate and useless I've become. I've talked to both guys who run a rehab spot back home and know a few people there in recovery who have been supporting me. Things seem positive and they're going to confirm on Wednesday if there's a bed. If there is, I'll be straight home on Thursday and into rehab. I'll then be on lockdown so I might not update here for a bit. But at some point, when there's news, I'll be back to update you all.
So it's now NYE. I'm back on my own and isolated, and have 3 and a half grams of MDMA here. I'm not touching it because that will mean I will turn up to rehab too fucked to get in. I've been off all class As, benzos and opiates for nearly a month and feel fairly balanced. MDMA hasn't worked for me for years so it's not worth the relapse and fucking things up even more than what I have. If it was opiates, I'd be struggling. In fact I'd be on them. No question. The acid hasn't had too much of a negative effect on me so I'm in a good position. I have also showered today, gone to the shops for enough food for the next few days, have eaten and now intend to just relax and watch movies until I can get back home. The good news is that this time, if I'm offered a place in rehab rather than just hang around people in recovery and go to meetings, I will be in a far better position to stay clean. Fingers crossed this will work out.
During my two day drinking binge when I was trying to score drugs, I was feeling hopeless again. As I write this, I don't feel as hopeless.