H.M.P. Bluelight Towers - Top Dog

Good but honestly I would be wanking in a closet anyway.
 
@mal3volent: well played sir. i've sent a gift to your cell and it wasn't smuggled in through an inmates anus.

i like your "you can't get pregnant if you do it in the butt" approach.
 
Welcome to H.M.P. BLUELIGHT TOWERS!


This is a:

Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class
Open To All Forum Members

Episode difficulty level:3

Ready?
Well let's play:




TOP DOG

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Episode #3 - Why get a dog and bark yourself?



Previously:

You blagged your way onto the Vulnerable Persons Unit and shanked a beast, you then righteously framed a prison arsehole for the deed, although EVERYONE knows you did it.

You are starting to look like a man who can do whatever the fuck he likes!

You need some cronies. Back up. You can't be everywhere sorting out everyone's everything 24/7. Find some guys you can "trust" to fuck over the other inmates for you, bring their mates on board, run your scams, hold your drugs and cover your arse - at least while you are sleeping.

You need FAM

Pick TWO of the maddest meanest O.G.'s from the mugshots below to be founding members of your new firm.

Will you have:




ABDU
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PAUL
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PATSY
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JACKO
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ALEX
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Remember: For these guys this is fucking serious business...

Aaaaand hopefully some great fun for them too!

PICK YOUR LIEUTENANTS!

I will publish the results in about a week. Keep your eyes PEELED for Episode 4 of this exciting prison simulation!



CHECK IN HERE REGULARLY FAM TO SEE WHO IS THE RESPECTED



TOP DOG
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EPISODE #3

AND WHO IS THE DISRESPECTED PRISON POMERANIAN!

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TOTAL PARANOIA
IS
TOTAL AWARENESS
 
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Hahahaha you guys are cracking me up! xxxxxx
 
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Jacko and Abdu.

Alex wouldn't take the job too seriously and the two old men are too weak and look stoned af.
 
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I'm going with Abdu and Alex. Big guys. Younger. Look disciplined. Jacko is too frail looking. Liability. Paul and Patsy look like they might be useful for certain jobs , but they aren't lieutenants.
 
I'm going Alex and Abdu. Mainly for Abdu, but as Alex is his latex-gimp-suit-and-sequinned-high-heel-wearing-leatherbitch, you have to include him too. Honestly, Alex (if armed with a hammer) can actually be pretty fucking useful in a stouch. You just need Abdu there to maintain the threat of serious anal-fissuring to 'inspire' him.

The point is that Abdu is fucking insane. He's the only prisoner I know who has conjugal visits from his own mother. I've seen him scalp a blind guy for 'looking at him funny'. :|

On the other hand, Patsy is a hardened babyrapist known for burying animals alive and with a penchant for sudden, unprovoked, forcible castrations.

I dunno, I can't decide . . . Give me Alex and Abdu, if nothing else we can always fuck Alex with the hammer. :\
 
I'm going Alex and Abdu. Mainly for Abdu, but as Alex is his latex-gimp-suit-and-sequinned-high-heel-wearing-leatherbitch, you have to include him too. Honestly, Alex (if armed with a hammer) can actually be pretty fucking useful in a stouch. You just need Abdu there to maintain the threat of serious anal-fissuring to 'inspire' him.

The point is that Abdu is fucking insane. He's the only prisoner I know who has conjugal visits from his own mother. I've seen him scalp a blind guy for 'looking at him funny'. :|

On the other hand, Patsy is a hardened babyrapist known for burying animals alive and with a penchant for sudden, unprovoked, forcible castrations.

I dunno, I can't decide . . . Give me Alex and Abdu, if nothing else we can always fuck Alex with the hammer. :\

welcome to H.M.P. Bluelight Towers Swilow.
 
I'm gonna say abdu, looks like a very resourceful fellow, and Alex... that smile suggests he might be just unstable enough to be useful, along with being a pretty large guy.
 
I'm unsure how I earned 22 points lol.

Your analysis of the personalities of the muppets in the cabbage patch was superb, you removed the most depraved inmates from your prison and people won a load of money backing your tip on the boxing match.

RESPECT
 
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Dog collared

Welcome to H.M.P. BLUELIGHT TOWERS!



Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class
Difficulty level:1

Ready?
Let's play:

TOP DOG
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BONUS MISSION #3

H.M.P. BLUELIGHT TOWERS
THE CHAPEL


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You and your crew need a H.Q. away from SENIOR PRISON OFFICER FULTON MACKAY and his prying eyes.

There are two priests on rotation at H.M.P. Bluelight Towers

Father Hugh and Father Inzo.

ONE of them has to be a filthy nonce or he wouldn't be rotting here in this ecumenical exile shit hole. The only other reason a priest would work here is because he was full of godly love for his fellow man.

Study the two priests below and pick which one you think is the beast. You will then confront him in the confessional. Pick the right priest and you won't need places, dates or names, you can blag him as it's going to be all about little boy's arses - he is a priest after all.

Aaaaaand then blackmail him into allowing you to use the CHAPEL as a BASH HOUSE.

Accuse the wrong priest and you'll be given a whole load of Hail Mary's to say in repentance for your wicked lies and any subsequent allegations you make will not be believed.


Unlock the CHAPEL as an ASSET for your crew and gain the RESPECT that is your due.

Get it right and yes, you'll be the man dog




"BEAST OR PRIEST?"


FATHER HUGH

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FATHER INZO
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Post the name of the priest you are going to blackmail before 20th December 20.00 hours G.M.T.


CHECK HERE FAM 2 SEE WHO IS


MIRACLE WORKING TOP DOG

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AND WHO IS DAMMED TERRIER

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YOU ARE IN JAIL FOR SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T DO
YOU DIDN'T RUN FAST ENOUGH BLUD
 
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Father Inzo, if you don't let me use the Chapel to pray for my loved ones ( ;) ), then I'm telling everyone about your little diddle parties..

Genuine smile vs. shit-eating grin.
 
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

I have meticulously planned a murder...and I feel... no shame.
I am actually a little excited at the prospect.

You see, the man is vile, and sick, and already damned to Hell. The acceleration of his trip there surely would not be looked at negatively by a benevolent God... a God this filthy bastard claims to serve.

Believe it or not, Father,
The murder is to take place right here in
H.M.P. Bluelight Towers.

The dead man has only one shot at salvation. One opportunity to save his soul.
He will surrender his chapel to a true believer.
Someone who has built his reputation on scrubbing scum clean from God's Earth.
A man who needs some real estate.

I sincerely hope you consider my generous offer, Father...
*slips note through door*

Choose wrong, Father, and that will be your fate.


 
Father Hugh- that post-coital smirk of satisfaction tells me everything I need to know about this kiddie fucking sack of shit.

But fuck it, I hate priests so I'm fucking face stabbing both of them.
 
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