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Mental Health What has your expereince been with antidepressants?

This is for PTSD, right?

Originally, it was used for marriage therapy before it became illegal. They were selling it in health food stores. Ironic, as its very unhealthy to the brain unless used in correct dosage in the correct setting at a decent time interval.
 
That's one of the issues in the system, that antidepressants are said to work in two months, up to three, as I'm aware. People have all kinds of experiences with them, though.

Ketamine is becoming more of an option, but only in treatment-resistant cases, as I was told.

The FDA has granted a fast-track to psilocybin, as well. It should be used in clinics before too long.

In my country where there are rather strict drug laws, we can get ketamine for treatment-resistant depression (but sadly not yet psychedelics), another option is new type of electric treatment (not the old one, but it's the type where you stimulate certain parts of brain which should affect mood) which Ill try if ketamine won't work. I'm able to get both in near future because I've been on 10 different "anti depressants" (there is a reason why I call them this way, often they cause me depression not curing it) so I have this so called treatment-resistant depression. Actually it is not treatment-resistant, because about 10 years ago I took psilocybin and it cured my depression for 12 months, just from single time. However nowadays I'm too scared to take it because I don't want to experience any bad trips even if its beneficial, I've never have had bad trip, but in the last 10 years I've dealt and done some bad things, so I suspect they will affect my trip.

Right now I try this new anti-depressant (its not SSRI or SNRI) which came out 5 years ago. It should affect 6 different ways brains that which new research have shown affecting depression. But I also acquired 40mg original medical ketamine which should be regular depression fixing dose for my weight, I'm going to snort it because I don't know how to IM it (which I think is the right way to administer it for depression), so maybe this way the bioactivity is not so great. I need to stop this new anti-depressant first to avoid any problems.

Also I could get pure MDMA, but I've read that it can cause hungover with bad depression, not sure if it's really true or maybe it's because many times ecstasy has methamphetamine too that causes the depression. I've never done ecstasy or MDMA for this reason, I've done methyphenidate and mephedrone but they didnt fix my depression but they aren't MDMA anyway.
 
This is for PTSD, right?

Originally, it was used for marriage therapy before it became illegal. They were selling it in health food stores. Ironic, as its very unhealthy to the brain unless used in correct dosage in the correct setting at a decent time interval.

It was used not only for marriage therapy, but psychotherapy in general including PTSD therapy. It began being sold in stores as a party pill in the 80s I believe it was, once people figured out it was unregulated and really fun. This is what caused it to become demonized/illegalized, since as you point out, when used at too high a dose or too often it can be quite damaging, and it's certainly a very abusable drug.
 
Took 250mg ketamien in total 2 days ago, it should have been pretty pure crystallized ketamine, but I suspect because I used 250mg quetiapine day before to get sleep, it took lots of effect away because anything over 170mg is said to be heavy dose aka k-hole, although ketamine is very short lived after 2 hours I felt almost totally sober, I snorted 50mg every 2 hours like I read as recommended. I can say my mood went much better and in the night I felt some really good emotions like for 10 years ago when I was happy, but because I also had insomnia from gabapinoid WD's I had to take quetiapine 300mg that night too. It might reduce the mood-altering effect of ketamine, so in the morning I was again quetiapine zombie who jsut lied on the bed. But yesterday I didn't need quetiapine to sleep, so today I feel much better, like I start to enjoy daily life. I read that it is recommender to do ketamine treatment for depression two days in rows, but I font have any more and can get it its extremely rare here. Also other factors to consider I've been taking this new "anti-depressant" for 2 months, which I cut off two days prior to take ketamine, so it still might have some negative effect toward ketamine, because its own this "anti-depressant" makes me just more depressed.

At least in here for me after going after 10 different anti-depressants, even the new ones, nothing has helped only made everything worse, I can apply to either ketamine treatment or new kind of brain electrical stimulation treatment. So Ill see next few weeks if me symptoms come back, I go to them, first try ketamine if not helping then to the electrical one.

I'm aware that ketamine can be abused, but I've never have found anything abusable in dissociatives, I don't really like the floating feeling in my body. I remember that 1200mg DXM ones gave me very positive afterglow for 2 weeks, but when I tried last time 300-600mg it gave only depression for one day. So DXM is not the right tool, unless taken on 1200mg doses? Ketamine seems to be good, but only maybe once a month and preferably on medical supervision. I know people who like to abuse ketamine for weeks and nothing positive comes from that. So ketamine should be jsut medicine not something to abuse (which I can't find much enjoyable anyway)

But gladly I now am able to get really working treatments. If these don't help I try psilocybine or LSD, that always had gave me very positive effects from single time for at least 6 months. They are also studied but not in here yet.
 
Strange, though, that it doesn't have the super-addiction that meth and even regular amphetamine can have.
 
Horrible. Plain and simple. LexiPro, Mirtazapine and several others that I cant exactly think of as ive tried so hard to block them out of my mind. Serious unwanted weight gain, extremely unhealthy, no excercise, felt horrible and scared if I missed a dose and just ruined me for a long time after taking them.

Made me feel alot more down in myselfz gave me the worst anxiety known to man which I still suffer from today, extremely unsociable.

Talk to someone, ring family, friends, see a councillor, just do whatever you possibly can to avoid these really horrible drugs. They are solely for pharmaceutical companies profits and that's it. Now this is simply just my opinion and my experience. What didnt work for me, may have worked for several others im just giving my opinion and experience so you can maybe weigh out the positive and negative comments.

Hope your ok and everything goes well for each and everyone of you guys. Stay safe, Peace, Mr.Heffo94.
 
Hey Mafioso. I have pretty limited experience with antidepressants, but here's what you asked for:

I've been on mirtazipine 30mg for 6 weeks, then 45mg for another 3 weeks. Also Seroquel (off-brand, the drug name just won't stick in my head) "as required" for anxiety for the last 4 weeks. The Seroqel's done 3 fifths of fuck-all, ymmv.

Brief ("psychosocial", they call it) history - I've had bouts of depression regularly since I was very young. On average, 6 of every 18 months. It's hazy but the feeling, that heavy thickness in my chest, the sense of being different and isolated, echos back into my earliest memories. Shy, withdrawn, aversion to novelty, self loathing, no 'personal' relationships ever, a little sex mostly prostitutes, the others lovely women I got scared of and ran from and lied to and hurt. Lies, lies, lies and avoidance are essentially the summary of my life. Why? Hard to say but both parents had severe depression, mother very protective, father withdrawn, habitual liar, traded his young-time heroin addiction for alcoholism (he was a Sydney kid in the 70's, got on junk to get out of the Vietnam draft, I'd have done the same). Had three kids, didn't mean to, he did it (I'm assuming based on me being just so fucking like him) because my mother loved him and is a wonderful, beautiful, caring, intelligent, capable woman and he didn't feel he had the right to hurt or disappoint her...

Fuck. Brief, you said. I'm not great at brief, sorrry man (madame, sir, baby, child, whatever...).

So to the point - recently, on the urging of my social worker (I'm in New Zealand, socialised medicine and that. Lucky motherfucker.) and by the prescription of my GP (Indian dude, he's a good guy and he cares but very distant and his catch-all solution for depression is "Get another job, get night shifts, if you work you have no time for be depressed...)

Ah parentheses. I live in them.

So to the point, for real this time. I've been taking Mirtazipine, tapered up to 30mg/day (bedtime dose), then increased to 45mg on recommendation of my GP.

My experience has been that for the first 2-3 weeks (after starting to take, and after increasing the dose) my mood has improved fairly steadily, while my anxiety has stayed basically unchanged (my anxiety runs DEEP, it is the foundation on which my world-view is built). Self harm has decreased in frequency, but increased in severity when it does occur. My sleep has improved slightly (using the Sleep As Android app, specifically the goal-setting options, has improved my sleep more than the mirtazipine), but when I miss a dose I don't sleep at all and my mood plummets while my anxiety skyrockets (how much due to the chemicals, how much the lack of sleep and consequent 8-hour rumination bouts, I don't know). My 'objectivity' (my ability to see my problems as problems, things that can be solved or at least changed), has generally increased, but it seems to me that on the days when I backslide (like today, near-irresistible suicidal ideation, uncontrollable self-harm, rage, hate, hopelessness)... Today it feels like not a fucking thing has changed.

But I have to admit that, if I'm objective, I have fallen less far than I otherwise would have. To be completely honest, today I didn't drive my car top speed into a power pole, although I was desperate to and had many many opportunities. I haven't hung myself although I can't think about anything else but how sweet and safe and comforting the noose would feel.

And. And. And...

Fuck. This is my own, unique, personal set of hang-ups. And maybe what's kept me alive tonight is not the mirtazipine but knowing I have an appointment with my social worker in 36 hours. But. But. But...

I don't know, Mafioso. I don't think I'm in a place where I can give you an objective answer to the question you posted. But my best guess, I think the mirtazipine has helped. How much of that is the effects of the drug, and how much is the effects of having contact with medical personnel, with objective people who are trying to make things better for me without actually caring who, specifically, I am... I just don't know.


Brief? No. Specific? No. Helpful? Fuck...I don't know. I hope so. Like Mr.Heffo94 above me, this is just my opinion, my experience. I really can't give you any useful advice, but here's the only two pieces of that stuff that have ever meant anything to me:

When it feels like you're going through Hell, keep going. (Sage Francis)
Persevere. (The motto of Leith, in Edinburgh, Scotland. Spud, of the Irvine Welsh novels, told me.)


I love you, human. I hope shit works out ok.
-Daniel
 
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I love sage Francis. Atmosphere, eyedea, brother Ali, Dessa, doomtree. All those Minnesota rappers are dope.

Your doctor sounds like a moron. Work doesn't cure depression. Hell sometimes you can be so depressed you can't get out of bed to work. Mirtazepine is a good AD statistically it's one of the best actually. But it doesn't give much energy in my experience. It's more sedating. If your looking for an energy boosting AD wellbutrin might be worth talking to him about.
 
Hey Mafioso. I have pretty limited experience with antidepressants, but here's what you asked for:

I've been on mirtazipine 30mg for 6 weeks, then 45mg for another 3 weeks. Also Seroquel (off-brand, the drug name just won't stick in my head) "as required" for anxiety for the last 4 weeks. The Seroqel's done 3 fifths of fuck-all, ymmv.

Brief ("psychosocial", they call it) history - I've had bouts of depression regularly since I was very young. On average, 6 of every 18 months. It's hazy but the feeling, that heavy thickness in my chest, the sense of being different and isolated, echos back into my earliest memories. Shy, withdrawn, aversion to novelty, self loathing, no 'personal' relationships ever, a little sex mostly prostitutes, the others lovely women I got scared of and ran from and lied to and hurt. Lies, lies, lies and avoidance are essentially the summary of my life. Why? Hard to say but both parents had severe depression, mother very protective, father withdrawn, habitual liar, traded his young-time heroin addiction for alcoholism (he was a Sydney kid in the 70's, got on junk to get out of the Vietnam draft, I'd have done the same). Had three kids, didn't mean to, he did it (I'm assuming based on me being just so fucking like him) because my mother loved him and is a wonderful, beautiful, caring, intelligent, capable woman and he didn't feel he had the right to hurt or disappoint her...

Fuck. Brief, you said. I'm not great at brief, sorrry man (madame, sir, baby, child, whatever...).

So to the point - recently, on the urging of my social worker (I'm in New Zealand, socialised medicine and that. Lucky motherfucker.) and by the prescription of my GP (Indian dude, he's a good guy and he cares but very distant and his catch-all solution for depression is "Get another job, get night shifts, if you work you have no time for be depressed...)

Ah parentheses. I live in them.

So to the point, for real this time. I've been taking Mirtazipine, tapered up to 30mg/day (bedtime dose), then increased to 45mg on recommendation of my GP.

My experience has been that for the first 2-3 weeks (after starting to take, and after increasing the dose) my mood has improved fairly steadily, while my anxiety has stayed basically unchanged (my anxiety runs DEEP, it is the foundation on which my world-view is built). Self harm has decreased in frequency, but increased in severity when it does occur. My sleep has improved slightly (using the Sleep As Android app, specifically the goal-setting options, has improved my sleep more than the mirtazipine), but when I miss a dose I don't sleep at all and my mood plummets while my anxiety skyrockets (how much due to the chemicals, how much the lack of sleep and consequent 8-hour rumination bouts, I don't know). My 'objectivity' (my ability to see my problems as problems, things that can be solved or at least changed), has generally increased, but it seems to me that on the days when I backslide (like today, near-irresistible suicidal ideation, uncontrollable self-harm, rage, hate, hopelessness)... Today it feels like not a fucking thing has changed.

But I have to admit that, if I'm objective, I have fallen less far than I otherwise would have. To be completely honest, today I didn't drive my car top speed into a power pole, although I was desperate to and had many many opportunities. I haven't hung myself although I can't think about anything else but how sweet and safe and comforting the noose would feel.

And. And. And...

Fuck. This is my own, unique, personal set of hang-ups. And maybe what's kept me alive tonight is not the mirtazipine but knowing I have an appointment with my social worker in 36 hours. But. But. But...

I don't know, Mafioso. I don't think I'm in a place where I can give you an objective answer to the question you posted. But my best guess, I think the mirtazipine has helped. How much of that is the effects of the drug, and how much is the effects of having contact with medical personnel, with objective people who are trying to make things better for me without actually caring who, specifically, I am... I just don't know.


Brief? No. Specific? No. Helpful? Fuck...I don't know. I hope so. Like Mr.Heffo94 above me, this is just my opinion, my experience. I really can't give you any useful advice, but here's the only two pieces of that stuff that have ever meant anything to me:

When it feels like you're going through Hell, keep going. (Sage Francis)
Persevere. (The motto of Leith, in Edinburgh, Scotland. Spud, of the Irvine Welsh novels, told me.)


I love you, human. I hope shit works out ok.
-Daniel
Nice one Daniel, I feel your pain, sometimes if you put a fake smile on your face it somehow transpires into a real one…….otherwise, I got nothing. Xx
 
I took them for about a year, I took Paxil, not sure what dosage. It was a good thing for me at the time. I was in early recovery from alcohol, lotsa shit going on! That was 31 years ago (still sober). I smoke weed now to keep my self mellower. Anyway my opinion is this; shoot me if you want.

If YOU think you really need something and your healthcare practitioner is on board then by all means give it a go.

I think if you are really struggling its a good start, then work towards healthier habits. I found it was hard to get much joy out of life, sex sucked but my wife (still with her) was/is supportive of me. For lack of a better term after about a year I got my shit together (if you believe that...) and got off. But it was great to level me out.

Today I am retired, sober, renoing a house in the mountains with my wife but still struggle with depression and anxiety, I have no worries but the committee of assholes in my head often have different ideas. Personally I think I suffer from lack of humility and am working on that.

All the best..
 
I think if you are really struggling its a good start, then work towards healthier habits. I found it was hard to get much joy out of life, sex sucked but my wife (still with her) was/is supportive of me. For lack of a better term after about a year I got my shit together (if you believe that...) and got off. But it was great to level me out.

Today I am retired, sober, renoing a house in the mountains with my wife but still struggle with depression and anxiety, I have no worries but the committee of assholes in my head often have different ideas. Personally I think I suffer from lack of humility and am working on that.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us mate <3 Have you done any therapy? If so, did it help? And if not, is it something you would consider?
 
Thanks for sharing your experience with us mate <3 Have you done any therapy? If so, did it help? And if not, is it something you would consider?
I have a therapist I meet with every couple of months, also have a great recovery sponsor and a close knit group of friends I have had for 30 plus years. My therapist is awesome, non judgmental and he is a real person. My wife is awesome as well.
 
I am wondering this question myself.
I just started taking 50mg Sertraline about a week ago for anxiety. First day it really felt like a drug, speedy, elevated mood, anxiety totally gone, increased desire to talk, very fluent in my speech, euphoric. Felt great (almost like low dose shrooms or MDMA). That evening i didn't sleep and experienced what felt just like a comedown. Next few days felt some mild euphoria and a bit flat, I suppose a little less anxious I guess. Then for the last few days I just feel like I did before really, almost as if I haven't taken anything.
I wish it could feel like day 1 again, all that confidence and energy (minus comedown) but I understand tolerance etc. Seems crazy to have to up dose after 1 week but maybe that's what I need here?
 
I have a therapist I meet with every couple of months, also have a great recovery sponsor and a close knit group of friends I have had for 30 plus years. My therapist is awesome, non judgmental and he is a real person. My wife is awesome as well.
That's so so good to hear mate <3

I am wondering this question myself.
I just started taking 50mg Sertraline about a week ago for anxiety. First day it really felt like a drug, speedy, elevated mood, anxiety totally gone, increased desire to talk, very fluent in my speech, euphoric. Felt great (almost like low dose shrooms or MDMA). That evening i didn't sleep and experienced what felt just like a comedown. Next few days felt some mild euphoria and a bit flat, I suppose a little less anxious I guess. Then for the last few days I just feel like I did before really, almost as if I haven't taken anything.
I wish it could feel like day 1 again, all that confidence and energy (minus comedown) but I understand tolerance etc. Seems crazy to have to up dose after 1 week but maybe that's what I need here?
Hi Hypnobis and welcome to Bluelight! Thanks for sharing your initial experience with sertraline. So are you gonna go with the increased dose? How's your anxiety now?
 
That's so so good to hear mate <3


Hi Hypnobis and welcome to Bluelight! Thanks for sharing your initial experience with sertraline. So are you gonna go with the increased dose? How's your anxiety now?
Thanks n3ophy7e :)

I have appt with GP next week so I'll discuss dose increase then. Anxiety is still there but I guess it has reduced slightly. How much of that is the placebo effect though I don't know. With me it can tend to come around with avengance.
I was prescribed 14 x 2mg diazepam alongside it but I am trying to avoid them to see how effective the sertraline is on its own. Also because they won't give me more benzos after these anyway (hence also low dose) as I've had addiction issues with them in the past, withdrawal seizures and all that. Fortunately I haven't really a mind to abuse them anymore and it has been a few years now since I did. Anyway, all this is to explain why I am not sure about the sertraline so far..my drug infatuated brain is probably just seeking a high, which the first day gave me. However, maybe the measure of whether SSRI is working is that you don't notice it and you are coping all the same. I suppose I'll have to give it some more time.
 
Thanks n3ophy7e :)

I have appt with GP next week so I'll discuss dose increase then. Anxiety is still there but I guess it has reduced slightly. How much of that is the placebo effect though I don't know. With me it can tend to come around with avengance.
I was prescribed 14 x 2mg diazepam alongside it but I am trying to avoid them to see how effective the sertraline is on its own. Also because they won't give me more benzos after these anyway (hence also low dose) as I've had addiction issues with them in the past, withdrawal seizures and all that. Fortunately I haven't really a mind to abuse them anymore and it has been a few years now since I did. Anyway, all this is to explain why I am not sure about the sertraline so far..my drug infatuated brain is probably just seeking a high, which the first day gave me. However, maybe the measure of whether SSRI is working is that you don't notice it and you are coping all the same. I suppose I'll have to give it some more time.
Well done mate, that's good to hear you're giving the sertraline a chance without using the valium on top of it. Hopefully the sertraline will be enough to kwell your anxiety. Let us know how you go with the increased dose <3
 
Bad.

I was given a few different SSRI/SNRI meds in my twenties. Cymbalta is the only brand name i remember.

First meds i tried just made my depression worse. Next ones made me less depressed but also made me impotent. Cymbalta gave me my boners back, but quitting it was horrible and i still have trouble having an orgasm (or any pleasure from sex really) 15 or so years later.

Some years later i was put on some kind of neuroleptic for depression and the common anxiety disorder i developed in the years between. Made me pass out at completely random times.

Last one i tried was quetiapine, which made me happier but not in a good way. Before i would go into panic at the slightest disappointment, on quetiapine i went out of control because i just couldn't give a damn if i blew my whole months income on a single drinking binge or something. Also gave me leg spasms which made sleeping impossible. Very low dose too, only 25 - 50 mg a day.

None of these side effects were ever mentioned to me by the quacks administering the meds.

The CEOs of the compamies producing this shit and their lobbyists should be thrown off rooftops.
Hey and welcome to Bluelight!! :)

I've been on Cymbalta for almost 10 years now, it literally saved my life. However yes I will echo what you said about getting off of it. I've tried several times to get off it and have always caved in and started taking it again. Horrendous withdrawals huh!! So bad, in fact, that I am currently 7.5 months pregnant, and when my bub is born they are going to keep him (us) in hospital for about 5 days to monitor him for withdrawals. Pretty hectic huh. Although at the very beginning of my pregnancy my doctor and I agreed wholeheartedly that it was much much safer for me to stay on Cymbalta whilst pregnant than to risk me getting my symptoms back.

I guess that your experience with quetiapine indicates that you don't have bipolar...? So, that's good! :)

Do you have any symptoms of depression and/or anxiety these days??
 
A newborn being at risk for SNRI withdrawals sounds pretty scary. I hope you both end up okay.

2020 - 2021 have been my absolute lowest years when it comes to mental health. I'm trying to get help, but it's difficult since i made the mistake of being honest about my drug use in the past. Now i'm just a junkie in the eyes of doctors.
Apparently my bub is only at a small risk of having proper SNRI withdrawals, so we'll see how he goes.

And yep I'm exactly the same with doctors and being too honest about my drug use in the past!! Now I can't get benzos to save my life. Blessing in disguise I guess....
 
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