Thread: Rekindle a sexual relationship. Should I?

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    Rekindle a sexual relationship. Should I? 
    Bluelighter Junction's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    It is time to ask for advice again from you all beautiful Bluelighters!

    I have been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for over a year now. Of course we have our ups and downs--what couple doesn't? However, I am very much in love. To this day, whenever he enters my thoughts I get all the warm fuzzy feelings, "can't imagine life without him", blah blah, etc.

    For about 2 months now I have not desired sex with him at all. I am perfectly happy with him in every other way and very much look forward to meeting him after work (I finish work late), and watching some favorite shows, supporting each other emotionally and cuddling, etc.

    I dread the ends of those evenings because I know he will want sex when I would have much rather cuddled more and then fallen asleep together. I have kind of gone through the motions as of recently but I am sure that he notices something is off. At this point he knows me very well.

    It is not that my libido is gone, it is definitely still there.

    My question is:
    Have any of you been in a situation where you still loved someone on a deep level but were no longer feeling sexually attracted to them? In that case what did you do? I am open to any and all advice!

    Thanks, and continue to be awesome!
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    Oct 2018
    (formerly) ForEverAfter, TheDeceased & sounygordna
    You should just talk to him about it. But, approach it carefully. Don't say you're not sexually attracted to him anymore cause that might scar him. Do you know why you aren't (sexually attracted) to him, anymore? Was sex in the past not fulfilling? You haven't been together all that long, for this to happen. Is it likely to be a temporary thing? Have you experienced it in other relationships? It would be helpful to know if you've maintained much longer relationships in the past and not had this issue. If so, what is the difference between your current relationship and your past relationships?

    If you're not going to have sex with him very much in the future, he needs to know that because he might not want to stick around if he knows you don't want to have sex with him?

    Have any of you been in a situation where you still loved someone on a deep level but were no longer feeling sexually attracted to them?

    No, never had that problem, but I'm a guy (and I'm hyper sexual) so I'd fuck pretty much anything.
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    Bluelighter traybuck's Avatar
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    Aug 2010
    San Clemente, Ca
    I agree with you the poster above... You NEED to tell him if this isn't going to be temporary!! It's not fair to your partner if you don't tell him
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    Bluelighter atara's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease
    I have kind of gone through the motions as of recently
    The more you reinforce an unhealthy habit, the harder it is to break.
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    Sex Love & Relationships
    pofacedhoe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    was the sex ever good?

    sometimes the companionship is good and the sex is poor
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    Sex, Love & Relationships
    Pretty_Diamonds's Avatar
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    Jul 2007
    I think you should have sex with him.
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    That sounds more like a friendship to me.

    Why aren't you attracted to him sexually?

    In the past, when I wasn't feeling intimate, it was because there were certain things he did that affected me in a negative way emotionally. After talking things over, it helped.

    You're saying you're happy and in love so I don't understand what the problem is.
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    This seems like a double-edged sword. Almost a total contradiction. OP, your post seems to make a full circle. Without providing my judgement, I would ask that you consider traybuck's advice.

    Other than that, this doesn't really make sense to me.

    Have I ever been deeply in love with someone and not been sexually attracted to them? Yes, but I worked through it. I'm not sheltered in those types of relationships.
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    Ex-Bluelighter zephyr's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Your dads face
    Spend some time apart, go on a holiday or anything and spend 2 weeks without him.

    You're just slipping into a comfortable rut and that's pretty quick for that to happen.

    Being pestered for sex ruins relationships as it's annoying for you and it's really upsetting for the partner, who would wonder what they have done or what has happened that you dont want them anymore?

    If you cant just tell him you have no sexual interest anymore and just be platonic, then work on the spark instead.

    Time away, a makeover, plan a date, do something different.

    It's sometimes easier to fight all the time and have make up sex.
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