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Thread: Talking to strangers in person: yay or nay?

  1. #26
    A big NAY.
    Being schizoid I only talk to people when I HAVE to OR have something to say which isn't often and this includes people I know. People don't approach me because I always look like I'm in a bad mood which is fine by me because I just want to be left alone and do my own thing. Other than my 1 friend that I work with I doubt I say 50 words a day.

  2. #27
    Bluelighter PtahTek's Avatar
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    Will talk to anybody about anything pretty much: Surface sh**, you know? Not good at small talk with knowns but strangers are different.
    When questions start coming I get dumb as a MF.
    Quote Originally Posted by CoastTwoCoast View Post
    People are draining.
    No sh**, right? What is it they are tapping into and how can we stop it? lol

  3. #28
    Your mama told you that you're not supposed to talk to strangers
    Look in the mirror tell me do you think your life's in danger here

  4. #29
    Bluelighter fairnymph's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by madness00 View Post
    I am often not aware of how I am coming off to others, which is actually a huge blind-spot.
    I have this issue too, & have been increasingly wondering if I might be on the spectrum, probably Aspergers. But, I'm actually really social & extroverted, almost never experience social anxiety, & talk to strangers all the time. I'm not big on spending much time on my phone,, & actually have a phone phobia of sorts. I'm sure I annoy plenty of people by striking up convos, since I have poor theory of mind, but I feel most often the results are good for us both...hopefully, that's true & not just my wishful thinking. I'm not sure how I'm able to pick up social cues with reasonable success despite my lacking theory of mind, though. Maybe I'm deluding myself.

    I think social media (not including all aspects of online communication but overall/most types) is highly destructive to society & individual emotional/mental health. We are social creatures & NEED in person interaction & touch to survive & certainly to thrive. Excluding outright sociopaths, which unfortunately seem to be increasingly common, fostered by our modern way of life, culture/civilisation etc.

  5. #30
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    My "theory of mind" is poor, as well, unfortunately.

    First of all, it's hard enough for me to articulate my own feelings. Throw someone else in the mix, and it becomes even more convoluted. And on top of merely attributing emotions, i have significant trouble understanding why someone might be upset based off of something that wouldn't make me upset. I can watch you cry, I can hear the reasoning from your point of view, but it just doesn't hit me on an emotional level. Sure, it may pain me to see a loved one in pain, but it's almost as if I don't even believe their emotions are genuine when I can't put myself into their shoes. Not to say I don't have empathy.. I can access it.. it just isn't my "default mode", probably due to coping mechanisms.

    Sounds crazy.. sounds stupid.. maybe i'm both. But what I lack in innate social understanding I make up for in perceptive analysis. In other words, I don't really know how all social situations work, I just know the cues. But what I lack there, I make up for in being able to remove myself from a situation and analyze seemingly unconnected things. I read well between the lines.
    Last edited by madness00; 03-03-2019 at 01:51.
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  6. #31
    Bluelighter Allure's Avatar
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    I'm definitely an introvert, however, if I feel some sort of connection with someone, stranger or not, it's easy for me to strike up a conversation.

  7. #32
    Bluelighter fairnymph's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by madness00 View Post
    My "theory of mind" is poor, as well, unfortunately.

    First of all, it's hard enough for me to articulate my own feelings. Throw someone else in the mix, and it becomes even more convoluted. And on top of merely attributing emotions, i have significant trouble understanding why someone might be upset based off of something that wouldn't make me upset. I can watch you cry, I can hear the reasoning from your point of view, but it just doesn't hit me on an emotional level. Sure, it may pain me to see a loved one in pain, but it's almost as if I don't even believe their emotions are genuine when I can't put myself into their shoes. Not to say I don't have empathy.. I can access it.. it just isn't my "default mode", probably due to coping mechanisms.

    Sounds crazy.. sounds stupid.. maybe i'm both. But what I lack in innate social understanding I make up for in perceptive analysis. In other words, I don't really know how all social situations work, I just know the cues. But what I lack there, I make up for in being able to remove myself from a situation and analyze seemingly unconnected things. I read well between the lines.
    Pretty much exactly the same. I'm compassionate, but not great at empathy. Like you, it's just not my default mode. Though I don't thinl it's a coping mechanism for me, just the way I'm wired. Maybe we're wired similarly in that regard. Basically, I'm a hard 'Thinker', as per Myer Briggs personality typing.
    Last edited by fairnymph; 04-03-2019 at 04:46.

  8. #33
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    50/50 on INTP/J

  9. #34
    In my case, there's too much empathy. I would like a balance: not too much empathy where it overwhelms me, but not lacking it so much to the point of being a sociopath.

  10. #35
    Bluelighter Allure's Avatar
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    I am an INFJ. I'm very empathetic. However, I can't open up and talk to just ANYONE in person. I suppose I'm selective in that regard. If I can sense that a person will connect with me on that level, I'm more than comfortable holding a conversation.

    Having conversations with others on THIS kind of level (through social media, text, email, etc) is a million times easier for me regardless of who the other person may be. I find that it's easier because any anxiety that comes from being social face to face (eye contact, body language, etc) is eliminated.

    Madness, being able to analyze someone else's perspective is a gift. Validation is a gift between friends. You may not, and it's not necessary, to always have to be able to relate completely to another person.

    You're spot on that some things might upset one person while the same exact thing may not even phase you.

    We all have different personalities, we all have individual experiences, we all have individual understandings, we all have our own set of morals and values.. all these things can cause varying reactions to a situation depending on each individual.

    I wish I had the capacity to know all the other personality types well enough to be able to connect better with others on that kind of level.

  11. #36
    Bluelighter CosM1c Charlie's Avatar
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    I start conversations with strangers on the street quite often. My girlfriend thinks that it's crazy and it makes her uncomfortable. But then again she has lived here in NYC for most of her life. I grew up in the suburbs, everyone there was very friendly and it was a common occurrence. I am a very outgoing person by nature and can be a bit manic from my Bi-Polar occasionally a.k.a. I don't shut up sometimes.

    Believe it or not I started a conversation with this guy and his wife like 5 blocks from where we live a few weeks ago. Believe it our not we shared the same building and have never met. Which is funny because it's only 8 apartments, when I saif this to my girlfriend she was like "What the hell is wrong with you Charlie they are gonna think we're weird". But I strong heartedly disagree and would be sad to live in a world where people Stop being kind to people they don't know.

    So yes, I talk to strangers

  12. #37
    Quote Originally Posted by CoastTwoCoast View Post
    In my case, there's too much empathy. I would like a balance: not too much empathy where it overwhelms me, but not lacking it so much to the point of being a sociopath.
    I'll trade you some of mine?
    I feel completely soulless, no empathy, no compassion, no love, nothing just a whole lot of emptiness.

  13. #38
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    Snake_Eyes - Dont give up. Youre self aware, and I truly think anyone can love. Its all relative, to your inherent capacity, so don't be so hard on yourself. Your love might take work, but what good things dont?

  14. #39
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    And also, I share the desire to be different like you do. I wish some basic concepts came easier to me, for example. The best way to understand is to genuinely fuck up in front of someone you care about. It may hurt you both, and it sucks to learn things like "be honest" along the way, but its really a simple concept and just takes some Care and Forethought, as stupid as that sounds.

    I grew up constantly lying.. I am working on changing. It shouldn't be so hard but.. Fuck idk man just give yourself some credit for even wanting to change.

  15. #40
    Bluelighter Psyke's Avatar
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    Every single person on this thread except for one is an introvert?

    Personally i've never had luck on internet related meetups and every single girl ive dated or friend ive made is random encounters out on the streets.

    Living in san francisco for 8 years, i used to tell my friends that riding the train is the real tinder: i.e i've dated a few girls that i met on the bus for sure.

  16. #41
    ^ It's best to meet people in real life. I've done internet dating for like a decade and you're not missing out on anything. Some were hookups, others were long-term relationships. As a person who doesn't go out much, the internet made it easier to meet people. Dating apps and social media are ruining everything. People aren't serious anymore, they're just looking for the next best thing. Women especially need to be careful because some men are dangerous sociopaths.

    I won't be dating for quite a while, but whenever I'm ready, it will be someone I encounter while I'm out and about.

  17. #42
    Bluelighter w01fg4ng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Psyke View Post
    Every single person on this thread except for one is an introvert?
    Extroverts are too busy spending energy on talking to randos IRL.

    The internet is one of the best places for an introvert to socialize. Not much commitment. It's perfect.

  18. #43
    Bluelighter Corazon's Avatar
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    I talk to myself already

    small talk w/ biz or interactions is normal

    sometimes you are in a talkative mood, or someone else is

    don't come at me trying to sell or beg

  19. #44
    /\ What's up? Haven't seen you in some time.

  20. #45
    Bluelighter Corazon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nuttynutskin View Post
    /\ What's up? Haven't seen you in some time.
    Hey, whats up!

    checking in between projects , hows it going

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