Rising tolerance to bupe and the monkey on my back.

[Sixshooter666]

Hi all, happy friday. To start of this is my first time posting after lurking of and off for several years so if I mess this up please let me know. (thanks BL for teaching me how to cold water extract Norcos when I was 16 in 2012... That saved my intestines.)

I've been off and on the opiate train for the past 8 years, (standard progression, percs->oxys->heroin->IV) I had two years clean from all drugs but then relapsed on heroin and poppy seed tea. Finally I got sick of it and didn't want to lose my job so I went on a suboxone program. It worked fine for me for two months until I decided that it wasn't being truly "clean" (my whole community now a days is recovering addicts who don't approve of sub maintenance) so I went to try inpatient treatment. I lasted 30 days and ended up back on suboxone. At first I was just taking a 2mg strip and cutting it into quarters and taking a half of a quarter and plugging it twice a day and it did wonders. No withdrawal, minimum cravings, a nice buzz all day, etc... Then after a few more months I relapsed on opiate pills and xanax and weed. I did some fucking terrible pressed blue 30's that made me and my fiance feel fucking terribly sick for 2 days. (like there was a opiate RC in it or something that had a nice rush but WAY to many side effects, it was a dirty high like super stepped on dope.) That was a wake up call. Ive been spending all of my money of these f*cking pills just for 2 hours of bliss.. I just need to stick to my suboxone program.

The problem is tolerance with the bupe and chasing the buzz. A half of a quater isn't doing it anymore. No buzz at all, no slight mood change, just normal. I decided to try plugging a whole quarter today and I feel a alright buzz, like I don't feel the need to buy pills/dope now.. Does anyone have experience with this struggle? Every time I get cravings and am feeling less effects should I just gradually raise my dose? I know I'm only buying myself time until I have to kick the subs. Any life advice or experience or recommendations would really be appreciated. I know using suboxone for the buzz isn't the "recovery" thing to do, but I need it. I feel shame saying that but I need the high.

I don't want to go back to shooting heroin, I don't want to spend the little cash I have on pain pills, I don't want to lose my job (I work at a rehab could you imagine the irony) and be homeless again or lose my girl.

So seriously any advice on sub maintenance and tolerance would be very appreciated.

[Sixshooter666]

ALSO. Im going to look for a therapist today. I had a killer therapist who helped me get through those 2 years clean, but she wont work with me if I'm on suboxone. I feel that this cant hurt because I have insurance through my work.

ALSO ALSO Thank you guys (and gals) for even reading this. I'm tired of feeling lost. Any help is help.

[lovemissile66]

HI Six! I cannot offer you any sound advice at the moment, as I am desperately trying to induct myself on Zubsolv, with no such luck. But something is a bit glaringly obvious to me in your post: "No buzz at all, no slight mood change, JUST NORMAL!!" Isn't that what we are really after? To feel "just normal"? I know its been so long for myself since I had no opiates in my system, that this is my normal. And that is fucked up because I can remember being clean and it was great. I guess what I am trying to say, and failing miserably at...is this: try to figure out what your triggers are? What is causing you to chase that rush/high? Do you need counseling/therapy or 12-steps or anyone to maybe lend an ear and hear you out? Well, shit, I just noticed in your second post that you are looking for a therapist!! DUH. Drugs, man. That is why they call it dope, kids. Anyway, good luck to you. It does feel better just knowing we are not alone.

[Painful One]

Good luck six.

Sending you a hug and telling you it is alright. Suboxone maintenance is a great option that seemed to be working great for you.
Don't let anyone shame you with the "you are not truly sober" bullshit. I doubt anyone is truly sober now days. Fuck them!

Go about doing what is best for you!

[EPL1]

I couldn't agree with Painful One more.

You do what's good for YOU SS666. FUCK what the "community" or anyone else thinks. Put yourself first. Here for you with love and support, feel free to pm me if you'd like. You can do this, and we will all be here to help you.

your friend,
Ash.

[jasperkent]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with medically-assisted treatment. It's healthier than shooting heroin, right? Since you said "just normal" won't do it for you, I'd humbly suggest that you are not ready for total abstinence. That's okay. Harm reduction and stabilization are major keys to living well. Just find the dosage you are comfortable with and try to stick to it. Don't listen to the haters.

Also, how many of those absolutely clean people use nicotine and/or caffeine? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Peace&Love,
jasper


"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too." -- Mitch Hedberg

[cj]

Well any buzz you get from bupe is going to be short lived as tolerance catches up. So you need to adjust your expectations. The goal should be to feel normal with minimal cravings day to day. Any therapist who won't work with you because of bupe is an idiot. The studies are very clear that maintenance has by far the best outcomes for opiate addiction. And it's not even close.

Try to find a bupe dose that feels good to you then stick with it forever. Granted I have days where my dose fluctuates but in general it's better to pick one and stay. The upside to being on a low dose is you can "bank" part of your script every month. At one point I didn't have to pay a doctor for 2 years because I had saved so many

[Prescottdave]

Low doses below 4 mg can be hard to maintaine for some individuals. The idea is not to get high from your meds. Find a sub program if you can that offers therapy. Get on a dose that works. It will take some time to deal with the cravings but after awhile you will be grateful just to be on a low dose of bupe.

It can take a few months of being on bupe to start having the cravings for stronger opiates disapeer. Now I much prefer the stability of Buprenorphine compared to the ups and downs of strong opioid addiction. I have to take an NMDA antagonist about 6 times each year to help keep my tolerance from growing. I also have to routinely taper my dose down to keep from taking more then is prescribed.

Any therapist that refuses to work with you if you are taking Suboxone is not a therapist worth working with. I made this mistake with my last therapist who was willing to work with me on bupe but highly disapproved of my choice to continue using the medication long term.

The idea that you need to experience a quote on quote high from suboxone is part of your addiction. This feeling makes living life a hassle. What your body might need is to not be sick. The craving for a high is psychological and will go away in time if you seek proper medication assisted treatment that incorporates some therapeutic services.