Coked up right now and hating myself

[Merlotnotclaret]

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this drivel

So why can?t I just quit??

Driving along earlier. Dinner later with my business partner and best mate who had never done drugs, I got a g for later, I?ve done it and now I?m home with another g that I?m sat doing alone. The dinner was great. Except I never touched a single bit of my dinner. Why can?t I just be a normal woman like the others? Business partner knows my problem but it?s so difficult to tame. Every sober morning I am strong but then... it?s like a necessity now every other day.


Two kids too. I?ve been like this for 18 years. I hate it but love it too... the party is over, but how can I really put this to death and stop being such a secretive disgusting twat??

 

[Jabberwocky]

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this drivel

So why can?t I just quit??

Driving along earlier. Dinner later with my business partner and best mate who had never done drugs, I got a g for later, I?ve done it and now I?m home with another g that I?m sat doing alone. The dinner was great. Except I never touched a single bit of my dinner. Why can?t I just be a normal woman like the others? Business partner knows my problem but it?s so difficult to tame. Every sober morning I am strong but then... it?s like a necessity now every other day.


Two kids too. I?ve been like this for 18 years. I hate it but love it too... the party is over, but how can I really put this to death and stop being such a secretive disgusting twat??

I can definitely relate to this, however like you I thought I couldn't stop and then did.

You really need to get to the bottom of why you are attacking yourself? Then when you identify this, you can go ok I don't need to use or I can enjoy the moment for what it is.

I would strongly suggest seeing a psychologist that specialises in addiction to get to the bottom of what is making you want to self attack.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

It’s ok. Why do you think you’re using?

Congrats on the kids.

 

[YungDhi]

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this drivel

So why can?t I just quit??

Driving along earlier. Dinner later with my business partner and best mate who had never done drugs, I got a g for later, I?ve done it and now I?m home with another g that I?m sat doing alone. The dinner was great. Except I never touched a single bit of my dinner. Why can?t I just be a normal woman like the others? Business partner knows my problem but it?s so difficult to tame. Every sober morning I am strong but then... it?s like a necessity now every other day.


Two kids too. I?ve been like this for 18 years. I hate it but love it too... the party is over, but how can I really put this to death and stop being such a secretive disgusting twat??

It upset me seeing this because I too see myself in you, I believe almost everyone is addicted to something be it cocaine, weed, gambling or sex. You are not in any way a bad person for having these feeling and turning to this for comfort. As said before, definitely seek help from a psychologist who can help you get to the bottom of why you use and look after yourself, none of that self-hate! Best wishes and good luck

 

[JK25]

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this drivel

So why can?t I just quit??

Driving along earlier. Dinner later with my business partner and best mate who had never done drugs, I got a g for later, I?ve done it and now I?m home with another g that I?m sat doing alone. The dinner was great. Except I never touched a single bit of my dinner. Why can?t I just be a normal woman like the others? Business partner knows my problem but it?s so difficult to tame. Every sober morning I am strong but then... it?s like a necessity now every other day.


Two kids too. I?ve been like this for 18 years. I hate it but love it too... the party is over, but how can I really put this to death and stop being such a secretive disgusting twat??

I feel the same way. I fucking promised myself I'm only going to use over weekends and have been sticking to it for a month or more but now it is Monday night and I went and got 2 bags of Meth and is fucked right now.

I fucking hate myself now because this is how I lost everything in my life.

 

[aihfl]

It upset me seeing this because I too see myself in you, I believe almost everyone is addicted to something be it cocaine, weed, gambling or sex. You are not in any way a bad person for having these feeling and turning to this for comfort. As said before, definitely seek help from a psychologist who can help you get to the bottom of why you use and look after yourself, none of that self-hate! Best wishes and good luck

Great advice. I have a former sponsor in AA that, in his abstinence from alcohol, has pretty clearly become a sex addict. That someone is abstinent from a substance doesn't mean that they've replaced their dependence on a substance with a process addiction. Process addictions are so often overlooked, unless it's gambling, which is every bit as destructive and bankrupting as a substance addiction.

 

[EPL1]

Hi Merlot,

I hope you come back here and read all these messages, you are none of those things, you're just needing a little help that's all. You're human, no one's struggles are more important than any one else's. Try to be kind to yourself, okay?

We are all here for you, please come back and chat again when you're up to it.


Love and support,
here for you anytime,
your friend,
Ash.

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this drivel

So why can?t I just quit??

Driving along earlier. Dinner later with my business partner and best mate who had never done drugs, I got a g for later, I?ve done it and now I?m home with another g that I?m sat doing alone. The dinner was great. Except I never touched a single bit of my dinner. Why can?t I just be a normal woman like the others? Business partner knows my problem but it?s so difficult to tame. Every sober morning I am strong but then... it?s like a necessity now every other day.


Two kids too. I?ve been like this for 18 years. I hate it but love it too... the party is over, but how can I really put this to death and stop being such a secretive disgusting twat??