Getting back into salvia

[Pharmakeia]

Hi. About seven years ago I used salvia about 30+ times and loved it. I broke through on my second try (went into infinite darkness talking to blocks that were a color I'd never seen before that were singing in a different language- all that bizarre salvia stuff lol). I continued to use it and break through a lot that year then stopped for many years. The kind I had back then was 80x.

Last week, I attempted to break through after getting some 30X. The first try, I became a bunch of lines in my vision and thought that I was meant to repeat a motion as part of the line forever, which lasted for a couple minutes, then I started coming back disoriented and was asking my friend questions, but everything he said back to me sounded like he was hitting on me (I'm not gay and he wasn't even saying stuff that sounded gay in retrospect, but at the time I knew he was coming on to me and I was freaked out and paranoid). That lasted for about fifteen minutes, followed by serious uneasiness for about 10 more minutes. I think the problem there was that I had a crappy little pipe that overheated too easily and it made me not be able to inhale as much and hold it in.

The other day, I tried again with a bubbler. I got a full hit while keeping the flame on it at all times, just as I'd remembered, and I became part of that line again, being barked orders at by some cartoonish other parts of the line. Then when I came down a little more, waves were going into my wall on the right and I was being apologized to by somebody on the other side of the wall (who wasn't actually there), then the waves started going forward to the wall in front of me, which made me apologize to the wall in front of me, like it was a chain reaction of apologies lol. This was uncomfortable, because with each wave it felt like I was being smashed down into the ground by some heavy force.

Despite these recent trips being neat, they are more unsettling than before and I'm not fully breaking through. I want to get past the point of becoming a shape, and enter into another universe like I remember from years ago. I remember that once I came back from my full-on breakthroughs in the past that I didn't have negative comedown effects like I've had recently. My friend theorized that it was because I was fighting it with my body because I was still halfway in reality and I needed to break through further. I agree with this now, although at the time I was still paranoid about him coming on to me, so I thought he was telling me not to "fight it" and just give in to his seduction lmao.

Any thoughts on how I can make my new trips more positive and intense like the old ones? Just as a side note- I am holding the flame on the extract at all times and holding the smoke in for over 30 seconds.

 

[pupnik]

meaningfulness is all about perception, and how that perception rings through to other perceptions.
your dose is fine, your smoking is fine, the flame is no biggie.

If you are not finding meaning, maybe it is not hiding. it could be right in front of you, and also it could be other than what you are ready to perceive.

Eg. discomfort about being perceived as gay, you may not be ready to accept that you like everyone else is fundamentally bisexual, for some reason this horrifies you - there could be a lot of meaning and growth hidden there, but you may not be in a position to examine that at this time. This could be less meaningful than the one dimensional order you keep visiting, where lines overcome all else, maybe you are ready to examine one dimensionality in your life? eg, self imposed limitations. That kind of thing can make sexual identification seem much more important than it actually is, linearity is like polarity, right and wrongity perhaps is keeping you from other insights.

 

[rpm]

I think that fact you are not experiencing it as positive is likely due to something about your life that isn?t positive. Psychedelics just amplify existence, they aren?t an escape from it. Might be worth thinking what you want out of the experience and how you will use it. Do you just want to have a good time? If so I don?t think salvia would be my first choice.

Interesting the thing about feeling your friend was hitting on you. Most likely you where just confused and misunderstood him. But the fact that you had such a strong reaction might be something to look at - like if he was hitting on you would it have been that bad? You could have just said no thanks (obviously once back to baseline). I don?t know what might make you feel this would be a problem.

I know for me I had a really bad trip once around my sexuality. Thought someone was hitting on me, then thought I was gay (as if that would be a bad thing!). I don?t know if we are fundementaly bisexual - but I think sexuality is fluid and can change. Anyway, at the end of the day why does it matter? I moved beyond caring if others would accept my sexuality and just accept myself. At the end of the day I?m currently pretty hetro normative (by most definitions) - but if I wasn?t, so what!

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

I think that fact you are not experiencing it as positive is likely due to something about your life that isn?t positive. Psychedelics just amplify existence, they aren?t an escape from it.

I second this.

Make sure you're in a good state of mind before using, and that goes for mostly every drug. Even something like meth, that raises your dopamine levels to insanity.. i recently saw a post in the Other Drugs sub-forum where someone had a bad experience with meth and whittled it down to just being in a bad mood prior to using.