• H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Miserable coming off Subs

10yrs I have been surviving hour by hour, My cravings are thru the roof. I know I could die if I give in. Last time I ended up in hospital and don’t remember jack. I thought things would of subside but still waking up in sweat puddles. I’m sweating and it’s 60* in our house, definitely wds. Mental fog, sneezing, aching back and joints, I guess some depression Bc I have never felt like this before. Just meandering thru life waiting for this to stop. I missed my RR meeting just wanted to relax but that did not work, hit an NA yesterday and today. I have thought about going into detox to stop my horrible cravings, however I really don’t have shit in my system. My therapist gets back Monday so if I keep myself busy which my kids Fall Festival is this weekend and I have been spending a good amount of time volunteering. I really have been struggling with the benzo thing, I have to feel normal at some point to figure out if I need meds or not, therapist recommend an anti-depressant(no diagnosis)but I told her I just wanted to feel me again. Suboxone is probably the worst drug to feel anything at all. What a freaking zombie I became at a low dose.
 
Just remember that nothing lasts forever. Keep reminding yourself: This WILL end!

Peace&Love,
jasper
 
Aaw Puc... sending you a huge hug from the East Coast <<<<<HUG>>>>>

Honestly, if you can get through this, you'll get through anything. I understand how unbearable it can be.

I detoxed cold turkey in jail, off a huge opiate habit - a gram and a half a day of IV heroin and 300mg of prescribed morphine.

After having seizures, hallucinating, temporarily losing my vision for 2 days and my legs being paralyzed for about 2 days as well, I was lying there unable to move, staring at the wall asking God to please kill me.

It was a long detox - I never thought I'd feel like me again. Seriously. But I eventually did.

Hang on tight Puc - you're getting there w every passing minute. It will stop. Keep reminding yourself of that. Sending you tons of positive vibes and tons of respect and admiration.
 
Hey Puc-

How are things? Just stopping in to say hello and sending support. ;)
 
Hey 10yrs and everyone else. Well I almost relapsed but instead of copping I put myself inpatient for the last week and have a better grasp at reality. The Sub wds were mentally destroying me far more than Cold turkey or anything else for that matter. I have to admit even at a low dose I was in a hell for at least a month. I wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone. On Sunday after being in for two days it just lifted, I felt like myself again. I was thinking some crazy shit before this, not suicidal but homicidal thoughts, my brain felt like I was missing part of me, the part that’s rational. I was scared of myself. I will update more later as I’m trying to get back to real world stuff. Was just going to give a quick update and phone rings telling me I’m late picking up SO.
 
I'm so happy for you Puc. Glad you're feeling like you again. Thanks for the update :) <3
 
I have been a drug user I'd have to say most of the 39 years I've been alive. My parents were avid drunken junkies which allowed me my 1st high with some Mari Jane brownies at age 2 followed by a 6 pack of tall boys with my brother who was 5. We were found by the babysitter passed out on the living room floor with my father who was bare assed and sprawled out. I'm still fighting about whether or not doing drugs is my thing or not. One things for sure is I'm all done with opiates! Yeah they're great and all but I can't have them consistently enough so it's just a rollercoaster ride through hell. I've been on subs for just about 2 yrs and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the whole dang dealio. Opiates end up controlling your life and I'm taking mine back. I've always been a reasonably functional drug user. Never did physically addicting substances such as opiates. That's until my body just gave up on me and now I've been in increasingly worse chronic pain caused by God only knows what for 8 years running. They prescribed me opaites. Not realizing I was physically dependent, when my new doctor stopped that script abruptly, I soon realized how fucking terrible that was and I did what I could to find more. Thankfully due to doing other drugs I had plenty of connections so I got connected and was shooting dope like it was my job in no time. Fast track 6 years later and I'm trying to get off my sub script. Since new years I've dropped from 12/mg a day to 2/mg every other day. My feelings are coming back. Both emotional and physical. I'm always in a constant state of aches and pains but everything else has been dulled. That's all coming back. A cold breezes sends chills down my back. When I look out my window I am hopeful rather then cloudy. I was beginning to think that I was no longer interested sexually but now I'm realizing I was numbed by the subs. I was so numb for so long it feels good to feel. The sleepless twitchy can't get comfortable nights are not fun, the sneezing is not fun, the random panic attacks suck, but being able to feel again is worth it. I've been a gray cloud for years. I have 4 8/mg strips and 3/4 of an 8 /mg strip left of my last script from my clinic. I self tappered and want to be done by my birthday in 3 weeks. My question is should I take 2 mg every other day until done or work down to 1 mg a day or maybe even 1 mg every other day? Or any other ideas on coming down in the most successful way. Thank you ?
 
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