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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

Great news man. Any physical/visual symptoms? Sorry if I asked this already. Btw I tried NAC for a long time it didn’t make a noticeable difference in my symtoms
 
An interesting quote from the former link:
NAC reversed LPS, MA and LPS + MA-induced anxiety-like social withdrawal behaviours, as well as MA and LPS + MA-induced deficits in recognition memory. PPI deficits were evident in MA, LPS and LPS + MA models, with NAC reversing that following LPS + MA. NAC reversed LPS, MA and LPS + MA-induced frontal cortical dopamine (DA) and noradrenaline (NA) elevations, LPS and LPS + MA-induced frontal cortical 3,4-dihydroxyphenylacetic acid (DOPAC), serotonin (5-HT) and striatal NA deficits as well as LPS + MA-induced frontal cortical 5-HT turnover. Decreased IL-10 in the LPS, MA and LPS + MA animals, and increased TNF-α in the LPS and MA animals, was reversed with NAC. NAC also reversed elevated lipid peroxidation and ROS in the LPS and LPS + MA animals.
​


uhhh. what are they trying to say in english a 5th grader could understand? lol
 
zero dont feel bad man. i don't think those tests mean much of anything. Some people are just born with a good visual memory, others basically have zero.
 
I've randomly took ibuprofen for.my sore throat and noticed reduced anxiety... It could be due to the anti-inflammatory properites.
 
Lion, it's not just my visual memory... Sometimes I have episodes of confusion like dementia where I don't remember much. I know my name and stuff, but can't tell how old I am or which month/year is... That sheet is spooky
 
lionheart90 said:
An interesting quote from the former link:
NAC reversed LPS, MA and LPS + MA-induced anxiety-like social withdrawal behaviours, as well as MA and LPS + MA-induced deficits in recognition memory. PPI deficits were evident in MA, LPS and LPS + MA models, with NAC reversing that following LPS + MA. NAC reversed LPS, MA and LPS + MA-induced frontal cortical dopamine (DA) and noradrenaline (NA) elevations, LPS and LPS + MA-induced frontal cortical 3,4-dihydroxyphenylacetic acid (DOPAC), serotonin (5-HT) and striatal NA deficits as well as LPS + MA-induced frontal cortical 5-HT turnover. Decreased IL-10 in the LPS, MA and LPS + MA animals, and increased TNF-α in the LPS and MA animals, was reversed with NAC. NAC also reversed elevated lipid peroxidation and ROS in the LPS and LPS + MA animals.
​


uhhh. what are they trying to say in english a 5th grader could understand? lol
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It?s basically saying it reverses MDMA induced damage
 
Needhelp123 said:
Great news man. Any physical/visual symptoms? Sorry if I asked this already. Btw I tried NAC for a long time it didn’t make a noticeable difference in my symtoms
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I have had every symptom you could think of. Eye floaters, visual snow, anxiety, paranoia, depression, insomnia, vivid nightmares, chest pains, sweating, tended muscles, brain fog, inability to feel pleasure etc.

Most seem to have disappeared for the moment other than lingering anxiety, and vivid dreams every night that wake me up.

Hoping the NAC supplement will get rid of whatever i have left.

8 months and 18 days into LTC.
 
ASX said:
I have had every symptom you could think of. Eye floaters, visual snow, anxiety, paranoia, depression, insomnia, vivid nightmares, chest pains, sweating, tended muscles, brain fog, inability to feel pleasure etc.

Most seem to have disappeared for the moment other than lingering anxiety, and vivid dreams every night that wake me up.

Hoping the NAC supplement will get rid of whatever i have left.

8 months and 18 days into LTC.
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i think that’s great news for you. From what I’ve seen visual issues are the hardest to get rid of
 
Today I've sold the rights of my most successful product for a good amount of cash and I feel incredibly depressed... but I think it's the best for the product, because I can't push it further.
 
Oh, wow, that's awesome ZeroLuck. Without revealing anything personal about the game, would you mind saying what it is about, if mobile/desktop, and so on? I'm truly fascinated by it as I'm also a programmer! =)
 
It's a horror desktop game and available on Steam. I'm not a programmer, I do level design, animation and the lead overall. Been lucky to work & get help by some awesome people in the industry, truly great folks.
 
I'm at close to 14 months now and I feel a strength that I never had before.

Yeah I still have some lingering anxiety, mostly health anxiety. constantly thinking about germs, brain damage, LTC permanent effects, etc.

But I'm also doing things I never was able to. I have discipline out my fucking ears. I'm facing challenges and fears more and more each day.

So yeah, not all the anxiety is gone but I'm doing things I never did before in my life. I'm recovered.


I used to think "when I'm recovered, I'll have no anxiety, no depression, life will be an euphoric cake walk, and I'll be happy as ever". Now I realize how stupid that fucking is. I've never been without anxiety, why the fuck would it suddenly evaporate now?

my anxiety is back to it's permanent life long level. Very low, but persistent.

And I have something I never had before, some kind of hidden power or belief in myself. It's hard to explain but I just get shit done these days. I set goals and achieve them consistently. I'm climbing mountains every day and I'm beginning to like it.

I may post again every few months because I anticipate things will get even better as I continue to modify my health regiment and improve my life all around. (finding challenges, testing yourself, pushing your limits. all that shit is hellla fucking healthy. stressful and challenging but in a good way. sitting alone at home is fucked up and doesnt help your recovery. you gotta get out and challenge yourself in order to finish healing. the first 6 months go ahead and lay low, after that get your ass out and challenge yourself).

but yeah, I feel like I'm done coming here as regularly as I once have.

Hope you all do well on your recovery. Peace.
 
lionheart90 said:
I'm at close to 14 months now and I feel a strength that I never had before.

Yeah I still have some lingering anxiety, mostly health anxiety. constantly thinking about germs, brain damage, LTC permanent effects, etc.
But I'm also doing things I never was able to. I have discipline out my fucking ears. I'm facing challenges and fears more and more each day.

So yeah, not all the anxiety is gone but I'm doing things I never did before in my life. I'm recovered.


I used to think "when I'm recovered, I'll have no anxiety, no depression, life will be an euphoric cake walk, and I'll be happy as ever". Now I realize how stupid that fucking is. I've never been without anxiety, why the fuck would it suddenly evaporate now?

my anxiety is back to it's permanent life long level. Very low, but persistent.

And I have something I never had before, some kind of hidden power or belief in myself. It's hard to explain but I just get shit done these days. I set goals and achieve them consistently. I'm climbing mountains every day and I'm beginning to like it.

I may post again every few months because I anticipate things will get even better as I continue to modify my health regiment and improve my life all around. (finding challenges, testing yourself, pushing your limits. all that shit is hellla fucking healthy. stressful and challenging but in a good way. sitting alone at home is fucked up and doesnt help your recovery. you gotta get out and challenge yourself in order to finish healing. the first 6 months go ahead and lay low, after that get your ass out and challenge yourself).

but yeah, I feel like I'm done coming here as regularly as I once have.

Hope you all do well on your recovery. Peace.
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Well done bro. I am feeling the same, even managed to quit smoking 18 days ago from a 20 a day habit.

Good luck with the rest of your life!
 
Damn guys! This is just awesome! I wish I can say the same not too far in the future.
 
ZeroLuck said:
Damn guys! This is just awesome! I wish I can say the same not too far in the future.
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Maybe it would help if you stopped trying to compare what is going on now to how things were before the LTC/anxiety disorder began.

I did some journaling a week or two ago and found that there has been a trend of anxiety before I could even remember. All the way back to when I was 3-4 years old and my parents would constantly fight late at night because they thought we would sleep through their shouting.

I even realized that my health anxiety came before the LTC too. I used to get paranoid fears of getting an STD probably since like 21 or something. Oddly enough I wouldn't give a fuck before sex, but after sex I would suddenly be like "Omfg I probably have one now!!" and it would set in.

So yeah, I don't think I'm any worse off now than I was before the LTC. The health anxiety is a little bit more prevalent and other forms of anxiety (agoraphobia is a big one for me rn) are also prevalent, but they were there for a long fucking time anyways. They were just hidden before. Now they are pretty much the same as they were before, but before they were hidden so it gave the appearance that I didn't deal with them.

Plus, doing MDMA and other drugs fundamentally changes us and our ability to perceive life.

i used to think that I'd fucked myself up so badly with LSD. Eventually I realized that I was basically the same, but was much more aware of my faults. Before LSD and drugs I was able to deny them or ignore them. After drugs I was very aware of them and it made it seem like the drugs caused them. In reality, the drugs only revealed issues I've been dealing with for ages. They removed the ability that I used to cope with those flaws, which was primarily denial or repression. So yeah, drugs "fucked me up", by taking away my negative coping mechanisms. forcing me to face the true reality I'd been denying for so long. A reality that was extremely painful, which may have been a large reason I was denying or avoiding it, but none the less it sucks. At the same time it's good and healthy I've finally been able to face it and deal with it, so at least now I can begin to move forward.

I guess that is why I went to drugs in the first place. I was having issues moving forward in life and just couldn't figure out what I needed to do next. I just thought they would make life easier and more fun as well, I didn't expect so much pain and difficulty to be a part of the process. Oh well, it's what I asked for haha.

hope that by sharing this insight it might help you to re-examine your own situation in a better way.
 
Thank you lionheart, I've took LSD at least 20-30 times in my life and has 0 negative effect on me, it's not neurotoxic and has no known negative long-term effects, maybe just unlock some condition you're already predisposed to. However on MDMA, how I should not be worried that my memory is trash? When I'm not anxious my memory is still trash, when I'm not anxious for a week, my memory again is trash, so what I should just accept it that I'm retarded now?

I've took the test again after supplementing with NAC in the last 1-2 weeks and nothing improved. https://gyazo.com/0d39c16f5e3695b349bdd57f2e930023 I'm just less obsessive over my messed up memory, which results in decline of anxiety. At least I have good reflexes... great.
 
ZeroLuck said:
Thank you lionheart, I've took LSD at least 20-30 times in my life and has 0 negative effect on me, it's not neurotoxic and has no known negative long-term effects, maybe just unlock some condition you're already predisposed to. However on MDMA, how I should not be worried that my memory is trash? When I'm not anxious my memory is still trash, when I'm not anxious for a week, my memory again is trash, so what I should just accept it that I'm retarded now?

I've took the test again after supplementing with NAC in the last 1-2 weeks and nothing improved. https://gyazo.com/0d39c16f5e3695b349bdd57f2e930023 I'm just less obsessive over my messed up memory, which results in decline of anxiety. At least I have good reflexes... great.
Click to expand...

I've taken LSD about 100 times before and it has had a signigicant negative impact on me (at times, overall its helped more than hurt. however it has hurt me badly a few times). I had a few bad trips which resulted in panic attacks and depression. It wasn't exactly the LSD causing such things, rather it was the LSD increasing my awareness to the point that I realized I had been denying or repressing anxiety. With the LSD i became aware of things I was doing to induce anxiety in myself. one big example was I was attempting to run a small business while in college. Both are stressful things and I was over-burdening myself. Eventually one night I tripped and realized that my business was failing and I needed to drop it. This led to a long night of stress and I developed panic attacks for 2 months afterwards. This was about 12 months before the LTC.

So yeah, the LSD never gave me panic attacks. But when I took LSD while in a very stressful situation, it allowed me to realistically examine my stress and the increased awareness of my stress lead me to stress about it even more. Creating a negative chain effect where I began to have panic attacks for months afterwards. I started to jog in the morning for 20 minutes to burn off the anxiety and eventually after a few months the anxiety disorder went away.

I wouldn't personally worry about the correlation between felt anxiety and the symptoms of anxiety. During this whole LTC I have felt very low anxiety, but I've showed symptoms of extreme anxiety for the whole thing.

It might just be that is how the LTC form of anxiety is. It's not felt, but if you look at your life and examine the symptoms, it might be clear that you are dealing with anxiety without feeling it.

So yeah, I don't feel as bright and full of memory as I did before the LTC. but I also haven't been living the same life that I did before the LTC. before the LTC i was in college and had basically spent my entire life using my brain. During and after the LTC i have been dealing with this fear of my memory and brain, so I tended to use it less because everytime I'd use it I'd suddenly feel like I had impaired myself somehow. Eventually I just learned to not use my brain so I wouldn't feel like I had impaired it somehow. Possibly this resulted in me not using my brain, which lead to another decline because I wasn't using it.

Perhaps it takes a few years of using your brain all the time before that subconscious anxiety goes away. Maybe it takes a few years of using your brain to re-connect with it in such a way that restores confidence in its ability to work as intended.

I've been off drugs for a long time now. But have only begun recently to rely on my brain and train it to be the academic brain I gave up on so long ago.

I haven't been writing papers, studying, learning, and in general using my brain like a scholar would. I've been afraid of realizing that I damaged my brain, so I didnt use it. I believe that after a period of maybe 1-2 years of fully utilizing my brain I will regain the confidence and connection to my intelligence that I let go of so long ago.

I also think the sub-conscious association of "my brain is damaged, I should't use it" will go away with time.

I haven't been using my intelligence for a long time. I think I need to go back to using it consistently, and constantly seeking to improve it, before it regains its sharp edge.

Like a knife that has been dulled due to improper use, I believe my intelligence has also been dulled. And like a knife with proper sharpening, I believe my intelligence will regain its edge in time.

I think establishing a proper relationship with my intelligence is in order. I have feared it for too long, and that fear has lead me to not use it the way it should be used. I'm on the right path now, I believe I just have to continue on in order to re-establish the correct relationship with my intelligence.

I have faith in myself and in God that if I continue to do things the right way then I will be rewarded. Eventually I will reconnect with my intelligence the way that I want to. It's just going to take some time. I've avoided my intelligence for years, and abused it with drugs for at least 10 or more years. It's only rational to think that it may take longer than a few months for it to recover. I think 1-2 years will have me in a good place again. I might need 3 before I reach a new climax but I think that with time and effort I will become sharper than I ever have been.

And as a new benefit, I will finally appreciate my intelligence and never abuse it again. I've never truly appreciated my intelligence. I abused it thinking it would never fail me or falter. I now see that it's as fragile as any other part of me, and in order to reach its full potential it needs my help. Help I provide through avoiding drugs, challenging it, and training it slowly without over-burdening it or expecting it to function at its peak without ever getting rest.
 
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