I'll merge my two posts later, but thought I'd try to organize my thoughts on something really bothering me. I've been avoiding my former AA sponsor, someone I was great friends with at one point, because some of the information he's started sharing about his life is stuff I would rather not hear. Ok, so all men occasionally whinge about not getting laid enough, but with my friend I think I'm starting to see a pathological dimension taking shape. He's on match.com so much it's like a half-time job. Which is all fine and good - I gave online dating a try after my divorce - not my cup of tea, but whatever, right? I certainly did meet some interesting people I wouldn't have otherwise met, that's for sure. Thing is (I should preface by saying he's a highly educated professional with diverse interests - someone who would be a real catch under the right circumstances), he lost a high-ranking job in state government, and he's actively pursuing employment elsewhere. His area of expertise is pretty much a niche specialty, so it is unlikely that he will find employment locally. Now maybe this is judgmental on my part, but it seems to me that women on match are not looking just to get their jollies. Hell, even a lot of women on tinder aren't looking for random hookups anymore. At least that's what they say. But it seems to me to be a catch 22. You can tell your date you might leave the area at any time (and greatly diminish your chances of getting laid), or you could be a real schmuck and just lead them on until it's time to get out of Dodge. At one point where he was really starting to get under my skin, I told him he was looking in the wrong place - he should be on tinder if he's looking for something casual. But last week at our usual trivia game, he told me how he was so starved for a feminine touch that he had an escort he knew make an outcall, although he described it a lot more colorfully than that. I'm a guy, and it grossed me out, and the idea occurred to me that he might be a sex addict. I used to joke about being a sex addict, but having spent time around
real sex addicts in treatment centers and psych facilities, it's decidedly
not a joke. I'm not looking for advice or validation, I just needed somewhere to express these thoughts because if they gnaw at me, my behavior toward him will probably turn passive-aggressive, or I might just snap and say something really undiplomatic. When I start to become bothered by it though, I start to feel guilty, thinking, who gives a shit if he's a sex addict? He's not married and his children are now in their 30s, so there's really no family to be the victim. I hate it when life has to be complicated. I'm like the kid in
Atypical on Netflix. I like clearly defined rules (and we're both on spectrum, although I'm not blunt to the point it makes other people squirm, and I don't whip out a notebook to jot down rules either
).