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September Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. Autumn Ho!

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Fallen out like your dose of heroin hit and you nodded out and just fell over? Sorry if I'm prying, just trying to understand what you mean by "fell out". Lots of people have definitions for this use of words.

I've never had the life flash before my eyes happen since then, but I don't think I've had an NDE so intense since.

It was back when I was shooting up morphine, was eating muscle relaxers like candy along with it, dose hit hard and I hit the water, then my arms and legs decided to not work because the muscle relaxers.
 
Its been trying for me to CH. I feel like I have been doing everything by myself today at work. Blood pressures, check-ins to detox, answering the phone, room searchs. While my help has been fucking off, and they have the nerve to tell me to check this other dude in.


Feel like screaming sometimes.
 
I'm on board, toothpastedog.

I'm an alcoholic who also used & abused many other drugs, especially opiates/opioids. I go to AA and NA meetings (did a 5th Step with my AA sponsor just this morning) but I definitely don't buy into all of the dogma. I smoke a little weed, for instance. I can say that after quitting the booze & narcotics 3 months ago I feel MUCH better both physically and emotionally. I can also say that there is NO way I am able to do this alone; I've tried and failed many, many times.

Peace&Love,
jasper


"Never miss a good chance to shut up." -- Will Rogers
 
Its been trying for me to CH. I feel like I have been doing everything by myself today at work. Blood pressures, check-ins to detox, answering the phone, room searchs. While my help has been fucking off, and they have the nerve to tell me to check this other dude in.


Feel like screaming sometimes.

There’s better jobs out there. It can be scary I know.

You’re good at what you do. It’s hard to want to let that go.
 
Way to go, bptubbs!
Hang in there, noonoo. Recovery can be like a roller coaster in that life doesn't get consistently better all of the time. It does, however, get better in general over time.

Peace&Love,
jasper
 
Shit, it has been hot in Florida. I know it's Florida and we're supposed to be hot, but not surface of Venus hot, and not in September. Hurricane Florence disrupted our prevailing winds so the daily cooling seabreeze storms stayed offshore. I came home and did laundry during lunch (my washer and dryer is outside on my patio) and I felt like Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men:



My experiment with seeing if I can start scaling back my use of sleep meds was a success. According to my sleep app, I took 10 minutes to fall asleep last night, which is about the time it takes for me to fall asleep after taking an Ambien. I've had near-crippling insomnia most of my life and it is always a relief when normal sleep patterns kick back in. As an adult, I rarely drank to party, it was usually to just to pass out. But there's a big difference between being passed out and being asleep, as I've learned.
 
I'll merge my two posts later, but thought I'd try to organize my thoughts on something really bothering me. I've been avoiding my former AA sponsor, someone I was great friends with at one point, because some of the information he's started sharing about his life is stuff I would rather not hear. Ok, so all men occasionally whinge about not getting laid enough, but with my friend I think I'm starting to see a pathological dimension taking shape. He's on match.com so much it's like a half-time job. Which is all fine and good - I gave online dating a try after my divorce - not my cup of tea, but whatever, right? I certainly did meet some interesting people I wouldn't have otherwise met, that's for sure. Thing is (I should preface by saying he's a highly educated professional with diverse interests - someone who would be a real catch under the right circumstances), he lost a high-ranking job in state government, and he's actively pursuing employment elsewhere. His area of expertise is pretty much a niche specialty, so it is unlikely that he will find employment locally. Now maybe this is judgmental on my part, but it seems to me that women on match are not looking just to get their jollies. Hell, even a lot of women on tinder aren't looking for random hookups anymore. At least that's what they say. But it seems to me to be a catch 22. You can tell your date you might leave the area at any time (and greatly diminish your chances of getting laid), or you could be a real schmuck and just lead them on until it's time to get out of Dodge. At one point where he was really starting to get under my skin, I told him he was looking in the wrong place - he should be on tinder if he's looking for something casual. But last week at our usual trivia game, he told me how he was so starved for a feminine touch that he had an escort he knew make an outcall, although he described it a lot more colorfully than that. I'm a guy, and it grossed me out, and the idea occurred to me that he might be a sex addict. I used to joke about being a sex addict, but having spent time around real sex addicts in treatment centers and psych facilities, it's decidedly not a joke. I'm not looking for advice or validation, I just needed somewhere to express these thoughts because if they gnaw at me, my behavior toward him will probably turn passive-aggressive, or I might just snap and say something really undiplomatic. When I start to become bothered by it though, I start to feel guilty, thinking, who gives a shit if he's a sex addict? He's not married and his children are now in their 30s, so there's really no family to be the victim. I hate it when life has to be complicated. I'm like the kid in Atypical on Netflix. I like clearly defined rules (and we're both on spectrum, although I'm not blunt to the point it makes other people squirm, and I don't whip out a notebook to jot down rules either =D).
 
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Hey all. I haven't been around BL for a while, mainly because I relapsed hard in mid-August. I've had slips here and there since my first successful quit off heroin a couple years ago. But this one was different. I was back to daily injection for about 4 weeks. It was the first time since 2016 that I had that feeling that I could not stop. Scary and awful.

Somehow I pulled things together enough so that I threw away the last of my dope last Thursday morning. Detoxing sucked (basically CT, but with clonazepam and loperamide to dull some of the edges), but it's almost over now.

Feeling a bit more hopeful today than I have been... after calling around for a couple weeks, I finally had an appointment today with a local doc who induced me onto subs. He (and his clinic) seems great. Tomorrow I go back to the clinic for my first appointment with my 'counselor', a woman whose orientation combines CBT/DBT stuff and mindfulness practices.

As shitty as this relapse has been, I am glad it got me in the door of this clinic...I'm hoping that they might help/encourage me to tackle some of the issues that keep me so in love with heroin. Wish me luck, folks. Love you all. <3
 
Good luck sim, glad to hear from you my friend. Much love your way. <3
 
I’m glad you’re ok man

What got to you? Boredom, depression?

You’re still an inspiration to me <3
 
Major props for taking the step to get out again after only 4 weeks, simco. I know you feel like that was a long time, but its really not in the grand scheme of things..you could've lost years this time. You sound like you are making all the right moves for a successful quit...the clinic you've found sounds exactly what us opiate addicts need.
 
Had a couple heartbreaking moments yesterday and earlier today. There's an older woman down the hall from me who I've suspected is an addict but had never seen direct signs. I walked by her yesterday afternoon on my way to the T-Mobile store and was going to say hi, then saw her down an airport bottle of liquor on the street and seemingly ignore me. It disturbed me to see her drink, mainly because it proved my suspicions correct. I was leaving the apartment earlier today to go to the store and saw a team of police and paramedics outside her door asking if she wanted to go to detox, which I guess she denied. I sobbed on my way to the store because I remembered being where she is. It was only a few years ago that I overdosed and blacked out and had to have someone in the complex call me an ambulance. I really felt for her, and am sad to see someone suffering through the same thing I've gone through over and over again. Still feeling pretty shaken about it. I'm thinking about asking her to go to a meeting the next time I run into her, but I want to be gentle since I know she may not be interested.
 
Like clockwork. Years saved and never turning back, got steam and incentive to lead a clean life forever.
 
grinders, I saw an elderly man going through heroin withdrawal today

I sort of felt bad for them but remembered all the times I went through it and was just glad to be clean myself

I think you've got a big heart <3
 
We're all different, but I find the concept of a rock bottom foreign to me. It's more a series of descending bottoms, each worst than the last, until death. That's my rock bottom.
 
We're all different, but I find the concept of a rock bottom foreign to me. It's more a series of descending bottoms, each worst than the last, until death. That's my rock bottom.
Hit the nail on the coffin. I mean that is exactly my experience too. Buried my 2nd dead cousin maybe two years ago now. The first one died two years before him. I am now their age. My time is up.
 
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