• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

August Clean and Sober Thread v. The Leaves are Changing Colors

Captain.Heroin

Captain.Heroin

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
94,868
Keep in mind the BLUA and SL guidelines.

Getting clean? Been sober a while? Tell us about it here. Share your story and inspiration.
 
I'm 23 days free of methadone and all drugs except BP meds . I've met some of the friendliest people on this site . I'm planning on sticking around to help anyone else. I'm from Tennessee and the state opiate rules went into effect July 1st and my family practitioner couldn't give me any more so I said let's do this . He did start weaning me in January and I got to 20mg before I jumped . I've been wanting to quit for years , but never acted . My inspiration is my family and friends and our family farm business. It feels damn good for that fog to be lifted. I'm still in PAWS, but my mind is healing I feel.
 
Congrats man, 23 days is huge.

Didn't realize you were from Tennessee, I grew up like 20 miles from the illinois kentucky border, we used to party in Memphis almost weekly, and Nashville a few times too.

Also stayed in SE Missouri for a bit, so even closer lol.
 
8 days since I started methadone after a sub run that was successful for a little while and then very very unsuccessful and 8 days since I last used any other opiates besides methadone. At 45mg now and starting to adjust, but still not completely there and feeling wds as the day comes to an end. Feeling hopeful though! Even though the methadone isn't keeping me well all day, my door cravings are almost nonexistent. Hoping August is dope free and I plan to make it so!
 
hikfromstik said:
I'm 23 days free of methadone and all drugs except BP meds . I've met some of the friendliest people on this site . I'm planning on sticking around to help anyone else. I'm from Tennessee and the state opiate rules went into effect July 1st and my family practitioner couldn't give me any more so I said let's do this . He did start weaning me in January and I got to 20mg before I jumped . I've been wanting to quit for years , but never acted . My inspiration is my family and friends and our family farm business. It feels damn good for that fog to be lifted. I'm still in PAWS, but my mind is healing I feel.
Click to expand...

I hate to hear that doctors can't rx due to the "opioid crisis" crackdowns :|

I'm very glad you're 23 days, that's a lot of clean time! Hopefully you feel all better soon <3
 
Yeah it sucked and for about a month I didn't know if I just wanted to drive an hr to a mmt clinic or quit. I put my big boy pants on and said let's do it the right way . I'm 40 and been on it 18 years ,so it was time to pay the piper . It is ridiculous though . Lucky I don't know any dealers anymore.
 
When I quit bupe I felt truly terrible for like 6 to 9 months. I’m glad it was only like a month.

The BP meds probably help quite a bit. It sucks to have pre-existing hypertension and then also face opiate wd.
 
66 days clean&sober and feeling pretty good.

My only problem is that I'm itching to do something... but I don't know what.
Get a better job?
Start exercising?
Try to write/do art?

As you can tell, I'm still rather unfocused and not really motivated in any particular direction. Still, life is way better than it was a couple months ago.

Y'all hang in there.

Peace&Love,
jasper

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about." -- Oscar Wilde
 
Hello aug , and everyone making positive changes in their lives!
I'm 30 something days clean and sober . Uh .... well except for yesterday. Look , I was cleaning my room and I thought I got rid of all my paraphernalia. I gave away left over pills I had , pieces of suboxone etc .
I'm cleaning and I find a norco, I get excited, I sat with it and asked myself WHY I wanted to eat it. Usually I wouldn't even THINK . It's drugs , eat them or squirrel them away for anxiety attacks. . That's just the way I've been .
So being honest with myself , hell I wanted to FEEL it. (Get high)
And this goes against everything I am doing for myself ATM.
So I got up , and flushed it while repeating the affirmations I've been using.
So back to cleaning my closet out, (wow that's deep lol) now I find a handful of gabapentine .
GEEZ, cmon now!! So no way I'm tossing those I have a friend who really likes them , I'll give them to her.
I'm very annoyed at this point and wtf I look down and see a quarter of a little blue pill. The only pill I would cut in sections would be foxy roxy..
Everything rational goes out the window, I crush it and snort it. And it COULD of been a piece of a Valium.(it might of been) Really I don't see how I would of let my favorite drug slip past me for all that time...
So I realize how easy it is to lose myself. It was too soon. A little bit won't hurt is what I told myself, but that little bit caused the old person I'm trying to suppress and make disappear for good, POP their head up and say HEY IM STILL HERE AND I LETS DO MORE.
Ya it's just too soon ... I've told myself , that after 6 months, then if I really think it's ok, I can maybe eat a Valium or something if it comes my way , longer to drink a beer , maybe a year. I won't even consider it until then.
I feel pretty ashamed for doing that, not so much that I did it , but how I wanted more right after.
I'm not fresh out the frying pan though. I quit my long term heroine addiction 6 years ago . But since then I've drank , was addicted to meth for a year and have been on short term binges that last from 1week - 3 months. Drinking all the little long way. I kept telling myself I was ok because I knew when to quit. Or that I had no choice but to use if I wanted to keep a job.
I know by now that this isn't what I want , it's time to FACE the problems that got me using in the first place.
I quit my last job and have been at home this past month, so the real test is gonna be dealing with crippling anxiety when I DO go back to work.
Wish me luck guys! And kudos to everyone who has decided it's time to make a change and heal our wounds ! Much love ❤️
 
jasperkent said:
66 days clean&sober and feeling pretty good.

My only problem is that I'm itching to do something... but I don't know what.
Get a better job?
Start exercising?
Try to write/do art?

As you can tell, I'm still rather unfocused and not really motivated in any particular direction. Still, life is way better than it was a couple months ago.

Y'all hang in there.

Peace&Love,
jasper

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about." -- Oscar Wilde
Click to expand...
I'm pretty bored too. Feeling frustrated and a little depression creeping in . I have motivation but idk what to do. I don't have a car , so the most productive thing I could be doing I can't do. Exercise can be done anywhere though and is healthy and good . Expressing creativity is also good. And both are therapeutic.
I think you should do ALL the things you've mentioned! And even add some more to the list.
66 days . Awesome :)
 
Love the Wilde quote :)

Thanks for taking care of this CH <3

ladyhlove said:
8 days since I started methadone after a sub run that was successful for a little while and then very very unsuccessful and 8 days since I last used any other opiates besides methadone. At 45mg now and starting to adjust, but still not completely there and feeling wds as the day comes to an end. Feeling hopeful though! Even though the methadone isn't keeping me well all day, my door cravings are almost nonexistent. Hoping August is dope free and I plan to make it so!
Click to expand...

Don’t let yourself forget: take homes :) if you keep passing all your UAs for the first 90 days they’re sure to start giving you take homes. Take homes are amazing. Only way that doesn’t happen (unless your clinic is a bunch of backwards fascists) is if you fail UAs. If you take any other meds, make sure your clinic has a record of them.

Glad to hear you’re getting some relief from cravings. If you stick with it you’ll stabilize in no time. As you continue to stabilize, do yourself a favor and take some meditation and yoga classes. That stuff makes methadone sooooo much more effective in my experience. And when you’re ready, try to find a good therapist and begin working on getting the rest of your house in order.

If you need any support re making the most out of methadone, please don’t be shy. Don’t push yourself too hard, but remember that everything you’re doing right now is an investment in your recovery. That includes doing the clinic thing, but it extends much further.

Methadone is a great tool/foundation to explore ways of investing more fully in yourself and your recovery. Just try to avoid getting complacent (and for what it’s worth, it doesn’t sound at all like you are at risk of this).

Putting in the effort now, even just little bits here and here, will also make a big difference if/when the time comes you want to taper and transition off. I often think little realistic bits of effort are so much more effective than trying to change everything up right away. Take your time, as long as you keep moving in the right direction it doesn’t matter how small the steps are - you’ll get there (and you’ll learn a lot in the process).

Don’t worry about tapering or getting off until you feel like it’s right for you, just try to focus on doing whatever you can to heal yourself psychoemotionally and physical.

Please do at least one thing every day that isn’t harmful and brings you easy gentle joy. Passions and hobbies are great for this. Who knows, it could even turn into a job.

Thanks for being a part of SL!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
toothpastedog said:
Love the Wilde quote :)

Thanks for taking care of this CH <3



Don’t let yourself forget: take homes :) if you keep passing all your UAs for the first 90 days they’re sure to start giving you take homes. Take homes are amazing. Only way that doesn’t happen (unless your clinic is a bunch of backwards fascists) is if you fail UAs. If you take any other meds, make sure your clinic has a record of them.

Glad to hear you’re getting some relief from cravings. If you stick with it you’ll stabilize in no time. As you continue to stabilize, do yourself a favor and take some meditation and yoga classes. That stuff makes methadone sooooo much more effective in my experience. And when you’re ready, try to find a good therapist and begin working on getting the rest of your house in order.

If you need any support re making the most out of methadone, please don’t be shy. Don’t push yourself too hard, but remember that everything you’re doing right now is an investment in your recovery. That includes doing the clinic thing, but it extends much further.

Methadone is a great tool/foundation to explore ways of investing more fully in yourself and your recovery. Just try to avoid getting complacent (and for what it’s worth, it doesn’t sound at all like you are at risk of this).

Putting in the effort now, even just little bits here and here, will also make a big difference if/when the time comes you want to taper and transition off. I often think little realistic bits of effort are so much more effective than trying to change everything up right away. Take your time, as long as you keep moving in the right direction it doesn’t matter how small the steps are - you’ll get there (and you’ll learn a lot in the process).

Don’t worry about tapering or getting off until you feel like it’s right for you, just try to focus on doing whatever you can to heal yourself psychoemotionally and physical.

Please do at least one thing every day that isn’t harmful and brings you easy gentle joy. Passions and hobbies are great for this. Who knows, it could even turn into a job.

Thanks for being a part of SL!
Click to expand...

Hello everyone... Keep having little slips but I am hanging in there at 2 days clean. Admitted my slips to my support network, which has really helped because they have rallied around me. I finally fealt like I was completely honest about my fears, insecurities and struggles. It was so freeing because it opened me up, brought down walls and any pretenses. The love and connection I have felt from the group is undeniable.

I quoted you Toothpastedog because I wanted to get your attention so I could ask about your memantine experience, which you teased about at the close of the July thread.
 
I appreciate the title of this thread, but I’m not sure I like how the leaves are changing colors right now. Namely because of the heat wave where I live, a lot of leave have just died.

Looking forward to fall cooling off.

somnilicious said:
Hello everyone... Keep having little slips but I am hanging in there at 2 days clean. Admitted my slips to my support network, which has really helped because they have rallied around me. I finally fealt like I was completely honest about my fears, insecurities and struggles. It was so freeing because it opened me up, brought down walls and any pretenses. The love and connection I have felt from the group is undeniable.

I quoted you Toothpastedog because I wanted to get your attention so I could ask about your memantine experience, which you teased about at the close of the July thread.
Click to expand...

Hey old friend. What do you want to know? Or was that just a general invitation to share away on my end?

(Pls quote me again so I don’t forget. Thank you!)
 
I'm feeling really frustrated with people needing to pontificate or communicate in recovery-speak. I went to an NA meeting last night and it was 90% people shouting the same contrived lines from the last 1000 meetings and it really bummed me out. I had some woman literally screaming in my ear like I'm some sort of child who can't hear if she doesn't get loud. I appreciate that they're at the meeting and sharing, but goddamn, it was just not what I wanted to hear. I do my best to avoid those types of meetings and interact with those who I feel connected to, but last night I left that place feeling more down than when I got there.

I think it's part of a bigger lesson I'm learning - I'm clean and in recovery to figure out how to live and be myself. I don't need to fit in anywhere, and the more I try, the less like myself I feel. I've spent a good part of my life trying to be someone or belong to something, and inevitably found that it wasn't what I actually wanted once I got inside. I vacillate between wanting to be part of a community and rejecting community completely, which I believe are two sides of the same coin. I just want to be me, however that looks.
 
I know what ya mean, Grinders. I avoid meetings like that. Then again, a sponsor once told me "If you've never been to a bad meeting, you ain't going to enough meetings." Cute.

Keep looking and do what is best for you.

Peace&Love,
jasper

"Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work." -- Mark Twain​
 
Hot dog! I’m really impressed with what I’ve been seeing in SL lately.

Thank you to all our new SLers and not so new SLers!!!!

:) <3 <3 <3
 
noonoo said:
A bad day usually means a good week is around the corner if you can hang in there for long enough.
Click to expand...

Yeah a bunch of good things happened in the days afterward, and I'm actually doing really well today.

With PTSD when something falls through, or I feel disappointment or despair or aggression and what not, I get end-of-world type thinking and get extremely depressed and it's hard to pull out of it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top