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August Clean and Sober Thread v. The Leaves are Changing Colors

Captain.Heroin said:
I'm glad you didn't return to drinking man, I know how awful it was for you.

Hang in there, you can get through this
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Thank you CH. My rational mind knows that there is nothing that can't be made worse by drinking, but then again, addiction isn't a rational thing.
 
ladyhlove said:
Yep, that's the idea. I find every time that I relapse, I think to myself "really? THIS is what I've been obsessing over? This isn't even THAT fun or cool!". I wish my mind could remember that..
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The last time I was using meth it felt like kind of boring, but then again I wasn't shooting it. :| I always found oral/snorted meth use to be more anxiogenic. Doesn't stop me from having meth dreams.

This was years ago. :|
 
10YearsGone said:
I haven't gotten high on numerous occasions that I was able to. That's progress and I'll take it! I'm taking Subutex and putting effort into my recovery.

I miss seeing Sim, Sixxam, POkemama around. I miss you guys being here. I hope you guys are doing great and too busy being happy to post ❤️ BL isn't the same w/o you

I miss toothpastedog being around more. You give the best, informed and intelligent advice. Thanks for that TPD.

I miss you seeing you more often Somni! But do love to see you check in.

I'm grateful to have aihfl here still. And a moderator! If I haven't told you, you're doing a great job A. ❤️
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Thanks for the shout-out out 10!! At this point I have to be grateful for where my life is regardless of clean time. I have so many positives, good people and I live at the beach. I may be at day 1 again...lol ... I've literally p but I keep coming back, putting in the effort and more importantly the desire is there... One day at a time.
 
Hey everyone! Hope you're all doing well.

The biggest challenge to my sobriety lately has been this "raw, exposed" feeling that I get. Everything embarrasses me. I played one of my instrumentals for a few friends and they all kept going on about how great it sounded and how talented I am, and I suddenly felt like crawling under the rug!

I don't remember feeling like this before I started drinking and using. In fact, I used to *love* showing off... my music, my car, my body, everything. I guess I'll have to re-learn how to feel comfortable in my own skin again.

I even feel silly writing this, so I'll end it here and post it before I lose my nerve!

Peace, Love and Faith,
Dreamflyer
 
dreamflyer: I certainly know the "raw, exposed" feeling. I hate that. How long you been clean/sober? I'm at 90 days today and just starting to feel a little more relaxed.

Peace&Love,
jasper
 
Hi dreamflyer,

It will all come back to you, you will get more comfortable again, be really kind and patient with yourself, okay, you've done a really wonderful thing for yourself with quitting. No need to feel silly, we are all here to love and support you.

Very proud of you, keep doing what you're doing, it's working!!!

Here for you anytime,
your friend,
Ash.
dreamflyer said:
I guess I'll have to re-learn how to feel comfortable in my own skin again.

I even feel silly writing this, so I'll end it here and post it before I lose my nerve!

Peace, Love and Faith,
Dreamflyer
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DF!!

Your ears must've been ringing. You've been in my thoughts. I was going to ask if anyone heard from you, but I know you feel shy sometimes. It's so good to see you.

I hear you on all that. I mean feeling raw and exposed. I think that's what I like best about being under the influence. Is not feeling that way I mean.

You're very welcome aihfl. ❤️
 
1 year clean minus a week lapse come September 5th... doesn't feel real.
 
Not good... massive amounts of paranoia about literally everything, and alot of suicidal thoughts.

Only positive thing was no nightmares, because I didn't sleep.
 
Don't do it, noonoo, you're doing so well and you'll regret it.

Imo, every relapse I do to "remember it isn't worth it" makes me feel like it actually is worth is and then the spiral downward begins..just sayin..You're playing with fire, sir.
 
Also, it's almost the end of August and I've spent pretty much this whole month off dope (minus a half day relapse I felt literally nothing from). It's been a good month!
 
Please don't, it's not worth it my friend. Hang on until you see your new psychiatrist on Monday. I am sure he can help you sort things out.

Feel free to pm me if you need an ear.

Love and support.
your friend,
Ash.

noonoo said:
What did you relapse on? Im planning on getting some bags of rack washed down with some booze and light smokes.
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noonoo said:
I want to relapse just to remind myself that it is not worth it.
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You don't need to relapse to remind yourself it's not worth it. It's like saying, "I want to get another colonoscopy because I want to remind myself how unpleasant it was to get a camera shoved up my ass."
 
noonoo said:
What did you relapse on? Im planning on getting some bags of rack washed down with some booze and light smokes.
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Meth, coke, and heroin, like everyone else said, it really isn't worth it.
 
aihfl said:
You don't need to relapse to remind yourself it's not worth it. It's like saying, "I want to get another colonoscopy because I want to remind myself how unpleasant it was to get a camera shoved up my ass."
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hahaha, I love this. 100%, exactly right. a succinct and pithy analogy that perfectly demonstrates how insane the thinking of an addict can be, and yet I bet every single person in this thread can relate to the thought of "relapsing to see that it isn't worth it".
 
Hope you stayed strong, Noonoo!

I thought about relapsing yesterday, tbh with you, for a kinda similar reason as you...well, not really, ya see...I had this dumb idea that I wanted to properly "say goodbye" to heroin...ya know, like closure to a relationship. I've "said goodbye" to heroin more times than I can count, especially during my first sobriety attempt on subs, and each time...I said goodbye..again..the next day...and then the day after that...and the day after that...then...you get the picture.

Luckily, I didn't. I'm on methadone and, odds are, I wouldn't have felt much and it would've probably just wasted my money and raised my tolerance so that my methadone dose wouldn't be as effective for the next couple days. Not worth it. But, as I've said in another post this morning, logic isn't something an opiate addict always uses.
 
When I was on bupe there were days when I would have a once over with heroin. Other times I didn’t care to use it even if it was free because I preferred bupe after a while.

It’s not worth it. Stay strong <3

Save the $ for something important or special. Way more worth it.
 
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