Brahs that are married/in a serious relationship - how

[Swim15]

I've mentioned this stuff somewhat in logs but I'm starting to realize that I'm essentially an alcoholic - once one, always one.

Every l time I get over some humps and think I'm in the clear I let my guard down some (because keeping it up is a job in and of itself) and then I blink and wonder how I end up in the same spot.

But how the hell do you guys that are married (or essentially married) do it? I've gotten to the point where I don't want to be out in public for prolonged periods or don't want to go certain places, the gym being extremely problematic, just because of the discontentment and social anxiety that being around good looking females causes. I've got a semi serious girlfriend at he moment although I've had more leeway than most because she is bisexual and I still can't keep my shit under control.

Legitimately making me wonder if I would ever in a million years be able to have a content marriage and I'm leaning towards no. If not though, then I'm left to even worse alternatives of a free-for-all which ends up being just as or more self destructive.

I took a break on counseling sessions due to my school schedule but need to get back. This sounds retarded in my own head even but starting to wonder if having a normal relationship/life is even possible for me.

 

[Serotonin101]

It can be. I'm an addict and even though I don't get high anymore, my addictive traits manifest in other areas of my life such as sex/relationships. Anything that makes me feel good, I go overboard with. I actually ended an engagement last winter because I thought "the grass was greener" to pursue new pastures and now feel I made a mistake in doing so. And I'm not getting any younger.
Now its trying to find something new that was as good if not better than what I had, which was amazing. We traveled all over together, had a lot in common, shared great sexual chemistry, had the same ideas of what we wanted in a family, etc. The stuff that is deeper than "I like steak and potatoes and horror movies" kinda thing. She was my lover, my partner, my cheerleader, my best friend, my copilot in life.

Take an inventory and be objective about the pros and cons of your relationship. What things can be found elsewhere or compromised on? (Favorite foods, music taste, movies, etc) and what things are inherently unique?

 

[RedLeader]

You're always going to find other women attractive. It's impossible to outwit biology. And ya, your GF/wife will always check out other dudes too. It's a tough pill to swallow, and looking is NOT cheating, but it's reality. Most people wonder "what if..." multiple times per day.

I think if possible it is best to commence any new relationship being absolutely open with one another regarding attraction beyond the relationship. Before you get really deep feelings and all possessive, get used to her telling you that other guys or movie stars or whoever are hot. Get her used to you saying the same thing. It's when you've been together for six months and suddenly one of you is caught lusting a stranger that things get tense. Get used to it as a couple right out the gate.

Now regarding actual infidelity and loyalty, well I can get wrapped up in the whole scientific side of whether humans are meant to be monogamous. For example, if biology indended for us to not be monogamous and you spend your whole life under that illusion, what a waste it would be...

...or not? I mean deep love and caring for someone does exist. I think it really blossoms when we have kids with someone (though having kids with someone you end up hating is a nightmare scenario). I think you both have to be very open sexually with one another so that you don't have things on your sexual bucket list the other refuses to do. And Ya, the more you open up to someone and trust them emotionally, the stronger the love is and the more you really do feel prepared to commit entirely. At the same time, these are the breakups that are extremely painful, which is why I fear that kind of closeness. Last time I had closeness like that and lost it, I ended up back on heroin.

I will write more later.