been at it for 6-8 weeks now.
The fulfillment for me came from being self-supporting for the first time ever in my 24 years of living, from me finally having my own home, consistently showing up and performing to the best of my ability whenever I would go to work, and also bring someone who was actively bettering and working on their mental health and emotional wellbeing on a regular basis. Whereas now, I can’t tell you the last time that I consciously made the decision to do some work on myself, mental state, and emotional stability.
This last time I got sober, I was able to build up all of this stuff over the 14 months or so that I lived in Oxford and Sober Living; and what do ya’ fucking know?! I self sabotaged and fucking pissed away everything that my, now ex-gf, and I had built up, alongside her son as well, over the duration of that year. All because I’m a sack of shit with a low self esteem, super poor self esteem, & basically no self worth, and cheated in the form of being flirty with some bitch on Snapchat who doesn’t mean a goddamn thing to me. I started shooting dope again after 23 months sober, shortly after she left me and took everything
So yeah.... ideally, I’d like to get back to being a happy, sober (for the most part anyways) individual, like how I was in my first year, and before I somehow got complacent, started going on a downward spiral, and before I had my mental health deteriorate and crumble like a Pringle getting stepped on on the concrete.
My rant is over. Can’t be getting all angsty and sad and shit tonight lol.
I really appreciate the kind words. Fortunately for me, this go round isn’t hectic or problematic like my previous 8+ years of substance use. So at least there’s that..I'm sorry that happened to you, but please don't give up trying to get sober.
As far as being sober, what's "sober"? I do kratom sometimes and drink alcohol at times, but I'm always going to be on some kind of substance. My brain is defective. I need something in order to live through this, so be it. It is what it is. I'm not shooting up heroin or meth or anything, but there's always going to be a substance to get me through this life. I've accepted that.
3 years sober mate 3 years , cannot wait to get back to old me , BUT what i learned is dont overdo it otherwise it all goes to s*it
u said it bro, moderation is the key. Although it's very hard to achieve at first. Although some might never achieve that.
Drugs just make you not care of your problems for a while. Then u have MORE PROBLEMS and you keep dosing more and more to not feel those problems.Those problems keep getting worse and worse until you're trapped. the cycle goes on and on, for example im currently fucked jobless,living with my dad at25, haven't achieved anything besides wasting 10 years of my life trying to chase that dragon. That's y i think i'm done banging, i'm not sure if i won't ever do it again but in the near future, fuck it.
Yeah well honestly my "symptoms" as such are not a recent thing, I just use the term "adult-onset" because I've read it elsewhere, perhaps some other term would be more accurate.
