What is "normal" in this context? The mental/emotional mindset or outlook that you suspect seemingly happy, well-adjusted, non-drug users have?
You only recognize the benefits of the drug because you have a baseline mental/emotional state to compare it to, though...if you just consumed the drug every day for the rest of your life, being on the drug would be your new baseline (as it is for all opioid users who fall into the trap of physical dependency and need the drug just to be "well").
In regards to "happiness", some of the research I've seen indicates that most people have a baseline state of happiness/contentment which, while it may fluctuate occasionally, is relatively fixed. Some life events will lead to longer periods of the individual feeling happy/fulfilled, of course, but eventually the individual goes back to their usual "outlook".
Yes, "normal" in this context is how I imagine people without anxiety and depression feel.
I have what in my opinion is really pretty bad anxiety, semi-bad depression and ocd, and just a general negative mindset of constantly berating myself.
I feel as if there is a demon in my mind who will not let me go and focus on the present and that no matter what I do accomplish my brain will find a way to attack me.
When I take Kratom, this stops completely.
That being said, it's only a mask, and now I am attempting to stop again for as long as possible, and also cut down on other substances.
I won't say forever and I won't say NOT forever, just as long as possible, and i took my last dose Monday.
I'll be over the WD by tomorrow as I only took one dose and was never very physically dependent, although I have a nasty cold but that's a totally different matter...
Of course I recognize this is all relative to baseline reality, but unfortunately, I would NOT fall into that "baseline category of most people who are usually happy or content" that you mention.
I mean many of us on this site are unhappy, and I am grateful for what I have, and I am not suicidal, nor have I given up on life, but my normal baseline state is one of unhappiness.
It will fluctuate, but the general underlying feeling is that my life is not at all what I want it to be, that I would need to change about 80% of what I do, how I act and think to become happy, and that if I were a betting man, I would not be very confident that in this lifetime I will achieve that baseline of happiness, but on other days I will disagree with that idea. It's really a mental thing of thinking I need certain things I probably don't do be happy.
That being said, I'm not in such a bad mood at this particular moment, and I realize that I sabotage myself in many ways and there are things I can do (like not using lots of drugs, exercising, trying new things, etc) to increase my chances of happiness, and that I very well might change and someday be a generally content person, and I will keeping working towards that goal.
I am just someone with very "black and white thinking" who believes that unless I have this or that I CANNOT and WILL NOT EVER be happy, but then I realize that's usually a farce.
I sometimes wish I could get really into zen or buddhism (I mean I COULD, I have tried meditating) and focusing on ways of bringing about HEALTHY "ego-death" without drugs.
I'm a very ego-driven person, and I feel that my mind wants me to play that game where I believe I need this or that to be happy, and that until I accept that really, aside from having people who care about me, the basic necessities, and probably helping others in some way as that is often what makes people feel best, there is really nothing else in life that is worth the weight that I give it.
I won't name my goals, but I'd say MOST of them other than one or two, are really NOT things I need at all, but that I am convinced I need.
I would mostly like to silence my own mind, and that of course, is what has led me and many others to drugs in our worst times, or actually for me, to excessive exercise at our best.
Pretty soon I'm gonna start dieting and exercising a real lot daily and try to fill that void.
I have done this pattern over and over again in my life: binge on substances for months or even a year, then use very few substances for several months on end and exercise a lot and lose weight, then often gain it back, then lose it, etc.
It seems like the seasons of my life lol.
Things could certainly be a lot worse though, and I am grateful for what I have.