I'm trying to get good at a new stressful career that involves public speaking and obviously I don't want to say where or what I'm doing, and I have stage fright and anxiety.
Two things work for me, but one much better than the other.
I take Klonopin prescribed daily and have for so long there's not even a thought of trying to do something like this job without it, and it's doctor approved so I feel all good using it and I'm used to it, so I don't feel conflicted about it.
But then there's Kratom, which works WAY better for my anxiety.
So I'm still just learning to do this job, and had my first practice session recently and used both Kratom and Klonopin.
Of course I had ZERO anxiety...and that's the problem:
I don't want to, and never will use Kratom more than 3-4 days a week as I don't want to get addicted...(and yeah I know...Klonopin is worse and I'm addicted to that...so lets skip that part.)
I knew if I took it the first time doing this job it would just seem too easy and i don't want to feel like I need Kratom to do the job, but now that I still haven't worked this job without being on Kratom, I feel like there's an "asterisk" next to my facing my anxiety, like I didn't REALLY face it cause I took the Kratom, and I know I'm not gonna feel like I really faced it till I go in while NOT on it.
(lets forget the fact that the job would consider it socially unacceptable for ZERO good reason and I could get in trouble...)
So you can see my diilemna:
I feel like at some point soon I have to FORCE myself to go work this job while not on Kratom, but only on my Klonopin, and while I know I can do it, it will be harder.
There's no "answer" to this, I'm just voicing this and seeing what people think, cause the only answers are 1) just take Kratom every time I work which I think is a bad idea 2) go in and face the fear while NOT being on it, and I feel like I need to do as much of #2 as possible so I don't become psychologically dependent on Kratom and know I have what it takes to face the job anxiety without it.
So what would you do?
How would you feel in this situation?
Anyone ever have a stressful job or life situation that they first did while on a drug that made it a breeze and killed the anxiety, then suddenly realized they hadn't REALLY faced that anxiety yet, and had to make themselves go in cold without it before they could feel secure in themselves and look in the mirror knowing they'd truly faced the anxiety??
Two things work for me, but one much better than the other.
I take Klonopin prescribed daily and have for so long there's not even a thought of trying to do something like this job without it, and it's doctor approved so I feel all good using it and I'm used to it, so I don't feel conflicted about it.
But then there's Kratom, which works WAY better for my anxiety.
So I'm still just learning to do this job, and had my first practice session recently and used both Kratom and Klonopin.
Of course I had ZERO anxiety...and that's the problem:
I don't want to, and never will use Kratom more than 3-4 days a week as I don't want to get addicted...(and yeah I know...Klonopin is worse and I'm addicted to that...so lets skip that part.)
I knew if I took it the first time doing this job it would just seem too easy and i don't want to feel like I need Kratom to do the job, but now that I still haven't worked this job without being on Kratom, I feel like there's an "asterisk" next to my facing my anxiety, like I didn't REALLY face it cause I took the Kratom, and I know I'm not gonna feel like I really faced it till I go in while NOT on it.
(lets forget the fact that the job would consider it socially unacceptable for ZERO good reason and I could get in trouble...)
So you can see my diilemna:
I feel like at some point soon I have to FORCE myself to go work this job while not on Kratom, but only on my Klonopin, and while I know I can do it, it will be harder.
There's no "answer" to this, I'm just voicing this and seeing what people think, cause the only answers are 1) just take Kratom every time I work which I think is a bad idea 2) go in and face the fear while NOT being on it, and I feel like I need to do as much of #2 as possible so I don't become psychologically dependent on Kratom and know I have what it takes to face the job anxiety without it.
So what would you do?
How would you feel in this situation?
Anyone ever have a stressful job or life situation that they first did while on a drug that made it a breeze and killed the anxiety, then suddenly realized they hadn't REALLY faced that anxiety yet, and had to make themselves go in cold without it before they could feel secure in themselves and look in the mirror knowing they'd truly faced the anxiety??