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Poppy Seed Tea Withdrawal Is Hell

Day 10--Double digits. Really not feeling very good today. Legs seem to be aching pretty bad again and I feel like one of the zombies on the Walking Dead. Last night, the sleep deprivation torture was about as bad as it's been. I think I may have slept an hour between 1am and 2am, but I may have just went catatonic for a while...The Valerian and Melatonin did make me feel tired but when I went to bed, I just stared at the ceiling all night. I think I am still feeling the effects of them and that the reason I am feeling so out of it this morning. Drank a cup of coffee, but still can't seem to clear my head. I am not sure how long I can go on with no sleep. I am absolutely exhausted and every step feels like a mile. I have read that the insomnia could last for months. I think at this point I can deal with the other parts of recovery if I could get some rest. I may go to the doctor to see if something could be prescribed. But again, I really don't want to trade one addiction for another. Going to avoid the Valerian/Melatonin tonight and see what happens first.

Also feeling very down today, but I think that is mostly sleep (or lack thereof) related. I also feel especially cold today and have had some more chills. Congestion/drainage seems better today, but still sneezing with 8 or 9 sneezes at a time. I didn't think this would be a quick process, but damn, it just doesn't seem to end. Just want to feel normal again.
 
You're doing great. It's so weird how things go in our bodies during withdrawal. I don't know about you but I've been sneezing alot combined with being congested and somehow my nose is still running.

You're inspiring people with your story and progression. Hearing your story, even if you don't hear it from them, gives people hope that these addictions can be overcomed. Keep it up and I'm sure you're going to get out of the tunnel and see the sunshine soon.
 
@D_K1984: Thanks for the words of encouragement--really need them today. I know a lot of people have had good luck with natural sleep aids during withdrawal, but I feel like the Valerian/Melatonin really messed me up mentally today. Maybe with all the other weird chemical rebalances going on in my brain, adding something new to the mix was a bad idea. Or maybe I'm just sensitive to natural meds. They are not something I ever take. As tired and achy as my legs are, somehow I forced myself to take the dog on a long walk, probably over a mile which seemed like a major victory considering how I feel today. My brain is just mush though. No focus possible. One of my neighbors stopped to talk to me and I have no idea what he was said...something about the transmission on his truck I think. Or, maybe he was speaking in Chinese (my neighbor is not Chinese BTW...).

Sounds like you are hanging tough with your detox as well--Good Job!
 
The 11th Day. Slept from 11pm to 2am and 4am to 6am so about 5 hours total. I feel more rested, but think I would feel much better if those hours were not broken up. I did not use the Valerian/Melatonin last night and my head seems much more clear this morning. Not sure why they affected me the way they did, but I was a moody, foggy mess most of yesterday. I have not yet returned to my normal upbeat self, but the depression does seem to be lifting every day that I feel a little better. The aching in my legs seems to be subsiding finally which probably aided in getting some sleep. And I actually feel like eating something, I think. I'm not ready for a 4 course meal or anything, but I am going to attempt a decent breakfast. Major gastro issues all seem to have passed (no pun intended).

Congestion and drainage is getting better but the sneezing just will not stop. My wife commented that she had never heard of so much sneezing after a flu bout and maybe I had allergies. Yeah, allergic to cold turkey.
 
last time i kicked a habit, a friend gave me a couple of seroquel, which ended the days of maddening insomnia, and made a huge difference (helped me get through it).

is there any chance of visiting a doctor and telling them about your serious insomnia?
they're often reluctant to script benzos, but IME they're not always strong enough for such things - but seroquel (quiatepine) should do the trick. worth considering, i reckon.
insomnia is the worst, and makes you feel like you'll never sleep again (which isn't true, but still,, it'll leave you feeling wrecked)
 
@Spacejunk: Thanks for the suggestion. My plan is to give it through the weekend and if has not improved, I am going to the doctor. Historically, I have never been a great sleeper anyway so this is probably just compounding that problem. Usually, though, if I can get 5 or 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep, I can function at a fairly high level. I think it is the 1 hour here, 2 hours there that is really making me feel exhausted.
 
yeah, i'm exactly the same. Makes you feel like you're using your mind, doesn't it?
Hope you can get a good night's rest, mate.
 
Sleep would go a long way right now. Comparing your experience alongside my mate's I wpuld say you're at about the halfway mark. Seroquel would definitley knock you out. I take it sometimes myself to end a bad day or help with persisting insomnia. On reason the melatonin and Valerian made you feel groggy the next day very well could be for the simple fact that you did not sleep much. If I don't get at least eight hours after taking melatonin I will feel really sleepy and sluggish the next day.

Insomnia is such a pain, especially when trying to recover from an addiction, but you really are almost there. Not much can be done about it the sleepless nights, unfortunately that is just part of the process. The important thing is to keep staying as positive as you possibly can. You can do this.
 
@CosmicG: Thanks for the support. Halfway? Yikes. Not sure I can make it another 10 days with little to no sleep. Like I said above, think I will give it another few days and then maybe go see the doctor. I think I could probably make it without any support meds if I did not have any other responsibilities that I needed to be able to function for. Probably one of the benefits of checking into a 30 day rehab.
 
Man. I gotta tell you, no matter what happens from this point forward I'm amazed at your resolve. I don't think I could do it.

I really hope you make it, but don't feel ashamed if you end up having to get support meds or something. Honestly, when I saw this thread the other day, it was already several pages long. I didn't expect you'd have made it this long. I'm pretty amazed. Like I said, I don't think I could do it if I had a another choice.

Good luck man, I'm seriously impressed. Not just cause I know how horrible withdrawal is, but cause this is poppy seed tea, which is probably even worse because it lasts so long.
 
@JessFR: Thanks for the encouraging words. It has absolutely been the hardest thing I have ever done both physically and mentally. Most of the violent physical stuff has passed at this point, but I am really struggling mentally and emotionally as my brain tries to remember how to function without the tea.
 
Day 12 (I think)--I was not really sure and had to check yesterday's post to make sure. Days and nights are blurring together due to the intense insomnia. Last night was rough as well--maybe 2 hours of sleep if lucky. I have made it into work all week, but don't think I will go in today simply because I don't want to drive. I am afraid I am going to kill myself or someone else because my concentration and reflexes are shit right now. I have been trying very hard to stay positive but emotionally I am a wreck inside. I am absolutely exhausted and weak from lack of rest. I keep telling myself that eventually things will return to normal but when will eventually come? A week? A month? Years? And, I am starting to question what normal is/was. Maybe this is how I felt before I started using--maybe this is why I started using so I wouldn't feel like this? I don't think that is right, but I'm not sure at this point. Probably just my sleep deprived brain. Mornings are usually the worst for dark thoughts since I know I have to make it thought the day feeling horrible, followed by an equally horrible night. I am trying to do the right things: take short walks, eating healthy, taking vitamins, staying away from support meds, sugar, alcohol, caffeine, But DAMN, it just does not seem to end.

On a bright note, I have absolutely no desire for any poppy seed tea or any other opiate at this point. As much as I want to feel better fast, the mere thought of starting this all over makes me shudder. I think that is progress and hope it lasts.
 
Another bright side of your thread -- I am sure I can speak for others here as well:

After reading your plight, you can rest assured I will NEVER, EVER mess with PST. Sounds horrific what you are going through and have been through.
 
If I were you, I'd go to a Dr, even a walk-in clinic... and just tell them you are under tremendous stress and suffering from crippling insomnia. If you have no Rx history, they should prescribe you at the very least a few days worth of benzos are sleep meds like Ambien.
 
Another bright side of your thread -- I am sure I can speak for others here as well:

After reading your plight, you can rest assured I will NEVER, EVER mess with PST. Sounds horrific what you are going through and have been through.

You should probably expand that line of thought to opiates generally. PST is only worse in the same kinda way methadone is often considered worse. It has a long half life so unlike with say, heroin, where the withdrawal starts fast and gets really bad fast and then starts getting better fairly fast, it all takes so much longer. It just lingers and lingers. PST might be a little worse than methadone because it's a combination of a lot of opioids rather than just one.

But the withdrawal itself is still much the same. It's mostly the duration that differs. And it's all fucking awful.

I used to get so pissed at my boyfriend for judging shit I'd done to avoid withdrawal. Cause he had no idea what he's talking about. If you haven't actually experienced it yourself, you really don't know. You can't. It's not just the pain and discomfort, it fucks with your head in ways that aren't always immediately obvious.

Way I see it, nobody who hasn't been there has any right to judge anyone for shit they've done to avoid withdrawal cause they can't know that they wouldn't do it themselves.

Similar is the fucking doctors who think their textbook understanding of the symptoms gives them any idea what they're talking about. Especially when they say it's like "a bad case of the flu". It.. Is.. NOT.

I've had the flu a couple times, it sucks, but I'd never EVER pick withdrawal over the flu. You can usually sleep when you have a flu, you don't have restless leg syndrome (my most hated withdrawal symptom by far) with the flu. They are NOT alike.

Id rather have the flu for a month than intense opioid withdrawal for a week.
 
Fuck yeah, i agree Jess. I'd take the flu over dope sickness any day.
The flu generally doesn't make me wanna fucking top myself.


OP, you're bloody tough mate. Doing great man <3
 
The two big ones for me are insomnia and restless leg syndrome. All the other symptoms I can mostly handle, but those two are the real bad shit and they don't exist with influenza.

Insomnia because time is already going at what feels like a crawl and insomnia means you'll be awake and exhausted for every agonising minute. Which is another one of those doctor bs things. Where they claim (if it's heron) that withdrawal with only last like a week or so, but they don't appreciate just how much time slows down and how you'll likely be awake and exhausted the whole time. It won't fucking feel like "a week or so".

And restless leg syndrome, to me, that's the worst. That's what breaks me every time. That's where it's really NOT like the flu at all. That shit is agonizing.

Point being, I really don't like people who haven't ever experienced being dope sick making judgements about how they'd do or what lines they think they'd never cross or thinking they can appreciate what it's like, cause they really can't.

In the flipside though, this is also why unless you've experienced it you really can't appreciate how impressive it is when someone like the OP manages to willingly last so long. I really don't think I could do it. I think I'd have broken days ago. It deserves some serious props.

It doesn't seem common to me you see one of these threads where days later the poster is still sticking with it. Let alone over a week and let alone PST. As I said earlier, when I first saw this thread I expected that I'd be posting that it's OK that the poster didn't make it, that few people would and it's not something to feel ashamed over. I really didn't expect to see the most recent posts and find they were still going.

Great going man. I really don't think most normal people (people without substance abuse issues) could appreciate just how impressive this already is.
 
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Yep, agreed 100%. Which is why i don't feel bad about recommending some heavy duty sleepers (ie anti psychotics) if you can obtain them. Can make the difference between success and relapse for some people.
The combination of manic racing thoughts, restless energy (RLS etc) and insomnia can really make you feel insane.
 
@JessFR, @ Spacejunk: Thanks you guys. Knowing what I know now, I could not agree more. I have experienced things mentally, physically, and emotionally that I did not think my body was capable of. And it all just pounds you relentlessly, trying to break you. I used to be kind of an adrenaline junkie when I was younger and would find myself in spots where I did not think I was going to make it, but my survival tactic was to personalize the challenge and turn it into the enemy. I kind of did that this week--kept picturing the withdrawal as this big fucking 800lb gorilla on my back that I wanted off. Between that and focusing on trying to get sober to help my sister, is the only reason I made it this far. But I swear on my life, this experience was worse than any climb, any hike, any dive, any marathon I had ever run in my life. It was just a razors edge between success and failure every second. And, it is not over yet...
 
Day Lucky Number 13: Sorry about yesterday's post—sounded really whiny and pathetic. A moment of weakness I suppose. Not to be too dramatic, but something strange happened early afternoon yesterday. I am curled up in the fetal position on the couch feeling sorry for myself. I am staring down the dog, who was trying to will me into taking her outside, when I heard a voice that I had not heard for a really long time say “What in the fuck are you doing? Your sister has been going through chemo for the past year and feels like this everyday single day and she is fighting for her life. You don’t deserve to lay here. Get your ass up.” Or, something like that.

Anyway, as weak and tired as I felt, I did just that. I got up, I took the dog for a walk, I un-piled the 3 years worth of shit that was stacked on the Elliptical and did 18 minutes on it. (I thought I was going to have a coronary, but I did it.) I took a shower, ate a salad for lunch, fixed the mailbox, changed the oil in my daughter’s car, and cut the grass.

It felt good. It felt…normal. I don’t know where the energy came from given the amount of sleep I have had--it was just there. Probably pure adrenaline at this point. But, I’m not going to lie either--It literally took everything I had and I felt like I had just summited Mt. Everest, but I think I took a step forward in breaking a vicious circle. I think the lack of sleep is making me weak and tired, and because I feel crappy, I don’t feel like doing anything but sitting around worrying about how bad I feel, which just feeds the negative energy of everything else. Who knows? (Dammit, Jim, I’m and engineer, not a doctor.)

I'd like to say the activity made me sleep like a baby for 10 hours, but no such luck. Last night still sucked--Slept from 10:30 to 11:30pm and 12:30 to 3:30am. And while I still feel very tired and out of focus, I have decided to not worry about it anymore. I have made it this far without any support meds or doctors, so I am going to see it all the way through. Fuck it. If my brain doesn't want to sleep, don't sleep. Whatever happens, happens. I am going to go do another session on the elliptical, take a shower, and go to work. I am done with this shit running my life and kicking my ass. Time to take back control.
 
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