• H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

April Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread

OMG what a great success! 95 days - that's huge. I am at 5 days and this is so inspiring. Is life better? Do you feel happy you made that decision? If so then that's all I would need to stay the course. For me I keep reminding myself what it's like on the other side. 5 minutes of energy followed by constant worry, thought , counting, thinking about the next pill. Knowing I'm done with that forever is the best medicine ever. If I can make it to 95 days I will feel free forever!
 
Won at trivia with my AA buddy the other night. Just the two of us in the tie breaking round against a team of eight drunk millenials. We might not know the answers to the questions regarding trivia and most recent trends in music, but happily, the winning question was "How many years did Nelson Mandela spend in prison?" and we hit the nail right on the head. Let's hear it for the old dudes. Won a $25 bar tab, but we can pay for food with it which is good because I was getting sick of paying for my own dinners. Also, getting a big fat refund from Uncle Sam (and my ACA subsidy is going to go up). With the promotion at work, a pretty good week. In the words of the great Larry David, "pret-tay, pret-tay, pret-tay, good."
 
My fat refund is in the mail, am sober today, plan on being that way for a little while, don't feel so bad today.
 
Won at trivia with my AA buddy the other night. Just the two of us in the tie breaking round against a team of eight drunk millenials. We might not know the answers to the questions regarding trivia and most recent trends in music, but happily, the winning question was "How many years did Nelson Mandela spend in prison?" and we hit the nail right on the head. Let's hear it for the old dudes. Won a $25 bar tab, but we can pay for food with it which is good because I was getting sick of paying for my own dinners. Also, getting a big fat refund from Uncle Sam (and my ACA subsidy is going to go up). With the promotion at work, a pretty good week. In the words of the great Larry David, "pret-tay, pret-tay, pret-tay, good."

sounds like fun :D
 
Physically drained, off for the next couple days so going to get some ice cream and not do a gawtdamn thing except watch scary video game walkthroughs.

I'm going to post in my blog later in what I do each night at my job,so be looking out !
 
Over five weeks totally sober now and gone back together with my fiancee yesterday. I am on a rehab right now still for three weeks (or or even seven if needed) so I don’t know what happens when I get back to the big world but I am fairly confident as I have learned new coping skills and I see now myself as a ”better” person than how I used to.
 
That's great man. My DOC is alcohol and Opiates. I haven't touched heroin in almost 2 years. But I drank like 3 weeks ago. I recently went on a vacation back to my
home country (Brazil), and alcohol was everywhere and I honestly felt like and did drink because I kept feeling uncomfortable. I have horrible anxiety, I think due to my years doing crystal meth and acid. But i'm not on klonopin and it helps. But I stopped drinking when I got back to The U.S., I drank like twice or so, and then just stopped drinking.
I don't feel like drinking, and this was before I went to my psych and got my klonopins. I just don't have that urge to drink and it's surprising. I'm also doing mental mantras so i don't drink. The longest I started sober I think was about 8 months.
Boredom, depression or a rush of euphoria is what leads me to drink and now I don't really drink a lot. like 3 22oz. Pabst blue ribbons. But NYE I drank for like 3 days. IDKY, I just felt like being disconnected. Perhaps I was happy that the year was over. I had a horrible year last year. So much psych problems.
But this year i'm feeling more confident and happy. no depression. just anxiety. I hope this dry spell lasts.
Congratulations to you guys who are keeping sober.
 
Over five weeks totally sober now and gone back together with my fiancee yesterday. I am on a rehab right now still for three weeks (or or even seven if needed) so I don’t know what happens when I get back to the big world but I am fairly confident as I have learned new coping skills and I see now myself as a ”better” person than how I used to.
Glad to see you here and hearing that rehab has been positive for you.
 
Sort of back from the dead...today is exactly 30 days since my last dose of suboxone , still far from feeling ok , sleep is shit and anxiety and depression is killing me at times but the short glimmers of hope seem to be getting more frequent and last a tad longer sooo that's that :p
To everyone fighting , keep trucking Ya'll awesome !
 
Well, I fucked up. Anxiety got the better of me and I had a couple beers... which led to vodka and a few pills. No heroin, but that was more due to my loss of connections than anything else. So now I've been buzzed for 3 days and the depression is setting in. I'm not stupid; I knew this would happen. Just had that overwhelming desire to feel different. Planning to get my shit together this weekend. Wish me luck.

Peace&Love,
jasper
 
Sort of back from the dead...today is exactly 30 days since my last dose of suboxone , still far from feeling ok , sleep is shit and anxiety and depression is killing me at times but the short glimmers of hope seem to be getting more frequent and last a tad longer sooo that's that :p
To everyone fighting , keep trucking Ya'll awesome !

stay strong

buprenorphine withdrawal is rough, I wasn't right for a whole year but am much better now.
 
Well, I fucked up. Anxiety got the better of me and I had a couple beers... which led to vodka and a few pills. No heroin, but that was more due to my loss of connections than anything else. So now I've been buzzed for 3 days and the depression is setting in. I'm not stupid; I knew this would happen. Just had that overwhelming desire to feel different. Planning to get my shit together this weekend. Wish me luck.

Peace&Love,
jasper

Stay strong man, you can pull yourself out of it!
 
Well, I fucked up. Anxiety got the better of me and I had a couple beers... which led to vodka and a few pills. No heroin, but that was more due to my loss of connections than anything else. So now I've been buzzed for 3 days and the depression is setting in. I'm not stupid; I knew this would happen. Just had that overwhelming desire to feel different. Planning to get my shit together this weekend. Wish me luck.

Peace&Love,
jasper
JK, I was rereading one of the chapters in the Refuge Recovery book (a Buddhist-oriented approach to recovery) and reading about the concept of "impermanence" was an aha! moment. Nothing ever stays the same. Things are always changing in some way. As addicts, we are attempting to subvert the impermanent nature of existence by using substances to alter our mood; to always feel good. The good news is that when things suck, it is impermanent. The bad news is that when things are great, it is impermanent. I'm pretty new to all of this so I don't have it figured out by a long shot, but it seems logical that living life would be a whole lot easier after you've made peace with that concept.
 
Impermanence largely points to their concepts of mortality, reincarnation, etc.

A great concept to keep in mind regarding mortality.
 
I guess that next step after understanding the concept of impermanence is that you learn how to accept things as they are.

I mean that if you step on dog shit you have stepped on dog shit but that doesn't mean that the world hates you and even the dog owner told his dog to shit on that place so you would step upon it. You just have to clean your shoe and move on.
 
i?ve been struggling all day. i want to take benzos and drink. i?m so tense. even after working out. i completely wasted my day sitting around, feeling tense, and thinking about how much i want a valium. how much better it would make my day. and it really would have made my day, but not my life, better. maybe i could have had a good or alright day without it. i didn?t manage manage that.

it?s 10pm. i already wasted the day. there is no point in ruining my sobriety now.
 
How are you doing today, hydro? I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling great but I'm glad to hear you didn't cave if it's something you didn't really want to do.
 
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